


Experience

by assurancetourix



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Eating Disorders, Oblivious Victor, Recovery, Russian Skating Family, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-30
Updated: 2017-07-08
Packaged: 2018-08-27 20:56:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 34
Words: 51,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8416435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/assurancetourix/pseuds/assurancetourix
Summary: Yuuri is desperate to lose weight. He is convinced that Viktor would leave and that his career would be done for good if he stays at his current weight.He will go at extremes to lose it. Will Viktor catch it on time?





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to tell everyone who is reading that I am not promoting this unhealthy livestyle. This story is mostly from Yuuri's point of view and some of his comments are disturbing.

Yuuri was standing in front of the mirror in his room looking disgusted. He could see the fat spilling out of his pyjama pants that was slightly tense around his hips. With his index and thumb, he pinched the fat rolling on his stomach. After giving up skating, he stopped caring about his weight. How much he was regretting it now.  
He took a deep breath and climbed on the scale. Right before the small sound, Yuuri closed his eyes refusing to discover the truth. He slowing released his breath and opened an eye.

68,1kg.

He could have sworn that his heart stopped beating. He gained 19kg in six months. He knew that he gained weight easily, but it had never been that bad. How could he tell Victor?

Yuuri was certain that if Viktor knew how much of a fatass he was, the Russian would not stay a second longer in Japan. Perfect Viktor. Yuuri remembered how flawlessly the muscles were defined on his mentor’s body without an ounce of fat.

With his two hands, Yuuri grabs the fat pulling it upward. His hands were full. How repulsive. A disgusting taste climbed into Yuuri’s mouth. He needed to lose weight or it would be the end of his career.

Climbing down from the scale, he dressed up in his usual black training clothes. With revulsion he realized how close-fitted they were. He inhaled trying to tighten his stomach, but even then the sweater was stretched.

Yuuri walked toward his desk and turned on his computer. As soon as the starting noise was done, he clicked on the Safari icon. He searched “How to lose weight as fast as possible”. More than 10 000 results appeared. One by one, he clicked on them reading diagonally and taking mental notes. He, then, searched “how to lose 20kg as fast as possible”. 

Suddenly, a voice downstairs yelled “Yuuri come here! Breakfast!” Yuuri jumped, startled. “Coming!” he replied. Quickly, he downloaded an app on his phone to help him calculate the calories he was eating. He was nearly at the door when he suddenly returned to his desk and erased his Internet history. No one, but him, needed to know how fat he was.  
Downstairs, Viktor and his mother were happily chatting while she brought the breakfast. When he saw his student, Viktor smiled, his eyes sparkling with happiness.  
“Little piglet! Come here. The food is delicious.”

Little piglet. How appropriate. Yuuri’s throat constricted with shame when hearing the nickname. Viktor was right he was a pig. ‘No, I am not a pig. Comparing me to a pig would be insulting to pigs.’ thought Yuuri. Nevertheless, he sat down next to Viktor. His mother was next to him in a second to give him breakfast, a bowl of rice with miso soup and a grilled fish. His stomach growled making Viktor laugh of his marvelous clear and rich laugh. Red-faced and ashamed, Yuuri bowed his head and started eating.  
After a silent breakfast, Yuuri excused himself telling Viktor he was getting ready to go the ice rink and went in his bedroom. He took his phone and wrote down what he ate: one cup and a half of rice 363 calories, grilled salmon 180 calories, miso soup 50 calories for a total 593 calories. Looking at the outrageous number, Yuuri dropped his phone and ran to the bathroom. Locking the door, he kneeled beside the toilet and tried to make himself throw up. His face turned red and he was sweating, but nothing came out. “I am not even able to throw up. I am such a waste of space” silently cried Yuuri.

Hearing step in the stairs, Yuuri stood up and turned on the water and splashed some on his face. Viktor knocked on the door. “Ready to leave in five,” asked Viktor. Yuuri opened the door forcing a smile on his face and nodded. “Your face is red,” remarked his silver-haired coach. “I washed my face with water that was way too hot. I forgot the difference between the temperature here and in America,” answered Yuuri. “You’re such an idiot,” said Viktor smiling with amusement.

Seven minutes later, the two men were out of the inn and ready to go. Viktor took the bicycle and Yuuri was running in front of him. Yuuri, wanting to impress his new coach, ran as fast as he could toward to ice rink. It was a short run, but the fast pace was exhausting. At the Ice Castle, Yuuri wanted to collapse, but he did not want to embarrass himself in front of his idol. He tried to control his breath, but his shoulders were moving despite his efforts. With a twinkle in his eyes, Viktor exclaimed “Less in shape than you thought? No problem. We will start by that.” Yuuri released his breath ashamed that Viktor knew how much he let go since the Grand Prix Final.


	2. Chapter 2

It was lunchtime and Viktor brought the bento that Yuuri’s mother made for the two of them. Yuuri’s stomach was growling. Between his morning run and following skating practice, he was starving. He happily took the lunch box and started eating. Like always, his mother cooking was delicious, even better than most restaurant chef. He was cheerfully chewing when dread took over him. How many calories were in this lunch? He needed to lose weight. He could not eat like he was doing before. 

While Viktor was chatting, the Japanese skater logged on the app all that was in the bento. 836 calories. How ridiculous. ‘How could my mother give me such a fatty meal?’ he thought feeling guilty at his pleasure eating it. He had already eaten 1439 calorie today and it was only lunch. During his research, people on the Internet were advising eating 1200 calories. ‘Even dieting, I am such a failure. I cannot stop eating. If I continue this way, I will become obese and Viktor will leave. I need to burn these calories during practice.’

Throughout the afternoon, Yuuri gave more than his 100% only taking breaks to sip a bit of water. Viktor looked enchanted by the determination of his student. When the sun started setting, Viktor declared the end of practice. “Just a few more jumps,” pleaded Yuuri. Chuckling, Viktor declared that Yuuri did enough for the day, but if he really wanted he could skate a bit more to cool down. Yuuri smiled and told him that he would meet him at home later.

As soon as he was sure that Viktor left the rink, Yuuri skated as fast as he could and practice his jumps for nearly an hour. He felt the sweat running down his neck and his back, celebrating every calorie he was burning. He would have continued if he had not heard his phone notification from the other side of the rink. Viktor was texting him asking where he was. “Taking a walk ☺” he replied before exiting the ice as fast as he could and taking his skates off. Yuuri knew that if he were caught, Viktor would not be happy. ‘He does not know what it is to be fat and mediocre.’

“A walk! Fun! Can I come? ☺” Viktor replied. Yuuri closed his eyes trying to visualize the map of the city and to find a good spot to meet Viktor. “Sure. Meet me at the Inari temple near the elementary school in 20 minutes.” 

The temple was closer to the ice rink than to the inn. That would give Yuuri time to take a fast shower and get there before Viktor. That way his coach would not be able to figure out that Yuuri stayed at the rink longer than he should have.

Yuuri managed to arrive at the temple before the Russian. His hair was still slightly humid, but he was happy that he took the time to dry it a bit before leaving the rink. 

Suddenly, Viktor’s voice resonated in the air. “You hair is still wet! You should not do that. You’ll get sick!” exclaimed the silver-haired man. He took his own knitted hat and put it on Yuuri’s head. “That’s better. Don’t go outside with your hair wet. If you’re sick you won’t be able to practice.” Viktor’s hat was warm and smelled like his shampoo, a delicate floral aroma he would not have linked to Viktor, but was strangely so fitting. 

The two men walked around Hasetsu for an hour and Viktor was asking thousand of questions when he was seeing Japanese things he did not know or understand. Yuuri was happy walking beside his idol, not making a fool of himself for once. Their walk brought them back to the inn right in time for supper.

Even though his stomach was growling, Yuuri told his mother that he ate during his walk before meeting Viktor and thus he would only take some tea. His mother, understanding, was still disappointed because family dinners were extremely important for her, especially after losing her son for few years. Viktor poked his student’s stomach and said, “You couldn’t wait until dinner, little piglet.” 

The younger man forced a smile on his face. “Yep,” he replied trying to keep a jovial tone, “I’ll go help my mom to prepare the meal.” Yuuri left the common room and entered the kitchen. Mari was there, helping their mother with the supper. “Mom. Can I help you? You are so busy with the inn. Do you need help with the cooking?” Mari snorted “You? Helping with cooking? Since when?” Don't be mean to your brother. Go bring these to our guests,” replied their mother, “What do you want to make?”

They discussed for a few minutes during which Yuuri tried to convince her that he would take in charge his own meals. She would not give up. “How about I prepare my breakfast and lunch and you continue with the suppers? This way we can have family dinners, but I stop feeling like a nuisance for you.” His mother, even though she was a Japanese woman, was tactile and hugged him. “You will never be a nuisance. You are my precious son, my baby.”

Usually, he loved his mother’s hugs, but at this time the only he could think was that she could feel the rolls of fat on his body. He flinched and tried to control his reflex to push her away. ‘Her baby, she says. A baby is fat. Is she trying to tell me that she finds me fat, but cannot tell so openly? She must mean that. I promise you, mom. I will lose weight and you will never again feel disappointed by you son.’


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning, Yuuri’s alarm rang at sunrise and he painfully rolled out of bed grabbing the bottle of water on his bedside table. He undressed and climbed on the scale looking in the mirror at his horrible figure. 

67.5kg.

A small smile appeared on his face. He lost some weight. 14.5kg to go. However, his happiness swiftly disappeared when his stomach also woke up, growling louder than ever before. Yuuri, angry, started punching his stomach trying to make it stop. He drank his bottle of water in one go calming it. ‘I need to burn some calories,’ he thought.

The skater went downstairs and wrote a message to his family and coach.  
Woke up early. Ate already. Gone on a run. Meet me at the ice rink.  
Yuuri was happy that he managed this time to skip the horribly calorific breakfast.

Around the usual time when Viktor would arrive at the rink, Yuuri had already run for two hours. He felt his legs trembling from the effort, but he ignored the feeling instead sitting down in position to stretch. Like a clock, Viktor arrived at the rink two coffees in his hands and a muffin. 

“Yuuri. I am so sad. We didn’t eat breakfast together,” he cried, “You went on a run. You must be hungry. Here is your coffee, a double-double like always, and a muffin.”

Yuuri’s stomach painfully tightened. A muffin was 425 calories. ‘Was Viktor crazy? How could he eat this? And a double-double, so many empty calories. He is telling me to lose weight and forces me to eat these calorific things,’ though Yuuri with anger. 

He forced himself to swallow his anger and smile. “I ate an onigiri and a banana after my run. So, I’m okay. Also, I prefer green tea during the season. I’ll go make some. Do you want any?”

“Green tea! So Japanese! Sure, sure!”

Yuuri stood up and ran to Yuuko’s office to make tea. Before long, he was back to the rink with the two hot drinks. 

“So bitter” exclaimed Viktor after his first try, “How can you like that?” Yuuri smiled in his cup, trying to not laugh out loud. As a child, he hated green tea, but it was full of antioxidant and he learned to enjoy the taste. On top of that, it had zero calories.

“I am Japanese” simply said the raven-hair skater, “I drink that every day.” Well, that was a lie. Yuuri had always preferred double-double coffee, but that was out of the question until he lost all the weight.

Viktor’s training was demanding as he was always expecting the best of his student. Having nothing to eat since lunch the day before, Yuuri found the workout harder than usual. His legs were painful; his breath was fast and his head cloudy. While skating, it was not too bad, but every time Viktor would start explaining, Yuuri would start daydreaming about food. When the hunger pain would get too strong, he would start biting his tongue trying the change the location of the pain. 

For lunchtime, Yuuri’s plan had been to avoid Viktor for a while and, when meeting again after the break, claiming that he had already eaten. However, Viktor stopped him, requesting to eat with his student. The Japanese skater tried to run away claiming the need to buy a bento. “No need. Your mom gave me extra. You can share my lunch” said the silver-haired man. Resigned, Yuuri sat down with Viktor and picked some vegetables from the box, chewing longer than needed. 

‘Lunch will be an issue. There is no way to get rid of Viktor. I cannot let him know how much weight I have to lose.’ Absentmindedly nodding to whatever Viktor was saying, Yuuri took his phone and started to research online. After less the ten minutes of searching, he found his solution: laxative. ‘With that, I can eat with Viktor and not consume the calories. This is perfect.’

Hasetsu was a small town and Yuuri knew that if he bought the laxative at the pharmacy, it would take less than a day for everyone to know. He went on amazon.jp.co and found exactly what he wanted: a laxative in the shape of a chocolate bar. This way nobody could become suspicious. He ordered three and was overjoyed when he was that they offered free overnight shipping. 

The rest of the day went without issues. After practice, the hunger pains were really strong, but Yuuri was more stubborn. He felt slightly air-headed but was feeling happy that he had been so in control of himself. The app on his phone was telling him that he had only consumed 150 calories that day. He knew supper was coming, but, for once, he did not fell ashamed of himself.

Back at the inn, Yuuri went in his room claiming to be tired and wanting a nap while Viktor went into the bath. The real reason was that he was mortified of showing his body to his idol. He fell asleep on his bed and was not awoken until supper.

Supper was like always delicious. Yuuri ate the udon is few bites, not able to resist his mother’s cooking. With the udon, there were some edamame and tempura. After katsudon, tempura was Yuuri’s favourite. Dread coming in his mind, Yuuri grabbed his phone checking the calorie content. Udon 227 calories in a cup, edamame 122 a cup and tempura 81 per shrimp. Yuuri felt relieved because for once he thought before eating and avoid the worst.

“You are not eating, Yu-chan?” asked sweetly his mother. “Not the tempura. I don’t feel like it,” answered Yuuri with a smile. He never lied to his mother before and felt regretful that he needed to. Yuuri tried to convince himself that he was not lying to his mother. His mouth watered at the idea of the crunchy and warm shrimps, but he did not want to gain weight. So, in a way he was not feeling like eating some.

After supper, he went back to bed his stomach hurting. He did not know if they were hunger pains or if they were because of overeating. He went in his room and lied on his bed, rolling for hours before he finally fell asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Even after his horrible night, Yuuri woke up at sunrise. Making no noise, he got out of bed and on the scale. Inhaling deeply, he waited for the scale to reveal his weight.

67.1kg.

‘I only lost 400g’ internally cried Yuuri. ‘The lunch was to too big. I knew it.’ Grabbing the bottle of water on his night table, he went downstairs drinking it in one go. 

He went in the kitchen and prepared his bento calculating every thing to ensure his bento contained less than 200 calories. Then, he quickly washed the dishes before anybody could wake up and left for his morning run.

Yuuri ran longer and faster than the day before. In his head, he repeated his new mantra ‘burn everything you eat’. He ran and ran, forcing a smile to everyone he encountered on the way.

Three hours later, he met Viktor at the Ice Castle. Like always, Viktor beamed, his eye sparkling with joy, when he saw Yuuri coming. “Good! Good! You are motivated today too!”

Yuuri was exhausted and just wanted to lie down for a while. With the little food he ate in the last days and the amount of exercise he was doing, his body had difficulty to follow the new rhythm. Clenching his teeth, Yuuri entered the ice rink and put his skates on. On the ice, he followed Viktor instructions, trying to perfect his triple axel.

Yuuri was skating fast and with confidence. If he managed this jump once more, Viktor promised to teach him the quad. His steps were perfectly placed and he jumped bring his arm close to his body to create momentum. A sudden dread appeared in his stomach, there was an unbalance in his jump. His right foot landed on the ice, but immediately after so did his entire body.

Viktor screamed from the sideline to ask if he was all right. Red, but unhurt, Yuuri raise a thumbs up toward his coach, not trusting his voice. “Hahaha, a flying walrus,” said a deeper voice from the other side of the rink. Yuuri’s breath caught in his chest. The sound of a slap made Yuuri look up. Yuuko had just slapped her husband behind the head. Of course, it was Nishigori who made the untactful comment. Yuuri knew that Nishigori had always been too direct and often got into trouble because of it. However, he could not stop thinking that he was right; he was really a flying walrus. Maybe if he lost all the extra kilos, he would be able to land his jumps perfectly like Viktor.

Forcing a smile on his face, he continued the training until lunch. When Viktor called the end of practice, Yuuri went to pick up his bento and sat near his coach. “That looks delicious Yuuri. You made it?” asked the Russian, “I want to try!” Nodding, Yuuri gave his bento. ‘A flying walrus does not deserve to eat’. Viktor took a third of the bento and tried to give some of his to Yuuri who refused claiming not being hungry. 

The rest of the day happened without incident and the two skaters returned home at sunset. Viktor was talking with big animated gesture and Yuuri was slowly nodding next to him, deep in thoughts. When they entered the inn, an amazing smell was everywhere. Yuuri’s stomach started growling. Viktor heard and giggled. Ashamed of his lack of control, Yuuri turned red and started walking faster toward his room to avoid the humiliation. “Ah Yuuri, you are back. You received a package today.” Yuuri stopped dead in his tracks. “Oh. Did you look inside?” he asked his mom. “Why would I have done that?” she replied marginally annoyed. He grabbed the package and before Viktor could ask any question about it, he ran into his room and stayed there until supper.

The meal with his family was completely normal. Viktor became like a second son to his parents. His shinning personality worked perfectly with his mother’s and his ability to never feel hurt was complimentary to his sister’s sassy attitude. Yuuri suddenly felt like a stranger in his own home. Yuuri ate all the vegetable, gave the meat to Makkachin and avoided the rice.

After supper, he went back to his room and went to bed. Like the night before, he was unable to fall asleep. He turned again and again before, around 11pm, giving up. ‘It is the food I ate that causes this. I cannot sleep before of all the fat and grease I ate. I need to burn it and then I’ll be able to sleep’. Yuuri got out of bed and put his tracksuit one before leaving the inn like a shadow to go on a run. Yuuri ran for an hour before coming back exhausted and crashing in his bed.


	5. Chapter 5

63.2kg

Yuuri was standing in front of his mirror poking the fat of his stomach. The scale was telling him that he was losing weight, but Yuuri could not see it. His tight were still wobbly, his arms were portly and his cheeks were rounds. He sighed in despair. ‘Could I cut more calories?’ 

It was really hard to distract Viktor during lunch and his mother during suppers. Yuuri wanted above all else to get caught by them. Well, maybe not above his weight loss. Two days ago, Viktor started telling his mom about Yuuri’s small lunch forcing him to increase the calorie content. The laxatives had been life saving. With them, the forced consumption of highly calorific meals during lunch and supper had no consequences on his weight loss. They would purge his body before it had the chance to digest them.

Unable to fall asleep, and being restless when he did, made Yuuri extremely tired. Every morning, he felt like his muscle would give up on him. His new routine was well implemented and nobody in his family was surprised anymore to not see him in the morning.

Yuuri had started to get gastric reflux daily. They would give him a horrible taste in the mouth every time he would be lying down. ‘My body is punishing me for my laziness,’ thought Yuuri when another sharp pain in his oesophagus forced him to sit down in his bed. The pain of working out, even more, was lesser than the pain from his body rebelling from the lack of food. He would work out silently in his room until his body would give out and then, and only then, Yuuri would accept to lie in his bed.

In the last few days, Yuuri got used to the hunger pains and was able to ignore them more often than not. Drinking water during practice helped him to trick his stomach in feeling full. It also had the great advantage to explain his multiple toilet trips on the litres of water and not on anything else. Viktor had made fun of him, but Yuuri could not wait for Viktor’s pride when he would see his student’s thin body.

Viktor's training became harder and harder with the competitive season approaching. On top of the training on the ice, the running and the dancing, he had asked Yuuri to attend a gym for weight training. His day was filled with training and starvation, but Yuuri knew it was for a good cause.

On the ninth day of his diet, something horrible happened.

64.1kg

‘How? How? How? How in the love of god did I gain weight?’ Yuuri fell on his knees trying to control the urge to cry. His shoulders were trembling while he struggled to repress his sobbing. He started to his the wall in anger until in sound in the next room made him change his mind. He started hit his body and pinch the fat roll on his stomach and on his arms. ‘Why?’ he silently cried. Tears were dropping from his eyes both in desperation and pain. 

Yuuri cried and hit himself in self-hatred for 20 minutes until he fell asleep naked near the scale in his room.


	6. Chapter 6

63.9kg  
Yesterday, I ate too much. Of course, I’ll only lose 200g. What a moron I am.

63.3kg  
Five kilos down, fifteen to go.

62.4kg  
“Hey, Hiroko, has Yuuri lost some weight?”  
“I don’t know Minako. He is in charge of his food for the last two or three weeks. My baby has grown up.”

61.8kg  
“Did you gain weight? Your sweater looks tighter.”  
“No, I am just cold. I am wearing an extra layer.”  
“Don’t get sick.”  
“Yes, Viktor.”

61kg  
Perfect! Nearly a kilo in a day. Can I do better?

60.5kg  
Apparently not. I am so flabby.

59.9kg  
“You should eat more rice. You used to love it.”  
“No, mom. There are too much carbs.”

60.2kg  
What is wrong with me? Why do I always gain weight? I am such a failure. 

59.7kg  
That's is better.

59.3kg  
I have nearly lost 10 kilos. Why am I still so fat?

58.4kg  
“Yuuri have you lost some weight? Congrats!”

57.9kg  
Why are my arms still so chubby? I should maybe do more push-ups.

57.3kg  
“I am worried about Yuuri. I feel that he is losing weight too fast. What do you think Viktor?”  
“I don’t know Minako. I guess I may overwork him.”

56.7kg  
I feel so dizzy today.

56.2kg  
“Give me your tricks to lose weight Yuuri! I gained so much since the triplets.”

55.9kg  
Why?

55.8kg  
Why? What is wrong with me?

55.7kg  
Why? Why is it getting down so slowly? I’ll never be ready for the competitive season.

54.4kg  
Nearly there. Viktor will be happy when he sees I am back to my weight from last season.

53.9kg  
“Looking good little piglet. Maybe I should change nickname for you.”

53kg  
Ah! I have done it. 53kg like last year. 

52.7kg  
Was I that fat last year? How could I compete looking like a walrus?

52.3kg  
“Yuuri? Is everything all right? You look tired.”  
“I AM FINE!”  
“Relax. I’m just asking.”

51.6kg  
“Ouch.”  
“What happened?”  
“I broke a nail.”  
“Hahaha. You are such a girl.”

51.1kg  
I am so cold. Always so cold.

50.5kg  
“You should stay in bed today. You look sick.”  
“No, I can’t I need to exercise.”

50.1kg  
Why am I still in the 50s. I worked so hard yesterday. I should be in the 40s.

49.9kg   
That’s better. I wonder how much Yuri weights. I should try to weight as much.


	7. Chapter 7

Multiple bottles were lying on the table. For the last three hours, Minako was drinking shots after shots of sake. Hiroko was working around chirping once in a while her disproval about Minako’s drinking habits. Normally, the ballerina would have a sassy reply ready for her friend, but not this time. She had been drinking earlier than usual, worried about her student. He had lost too much weight too quickly. Because of his crazy schedule, she had only seen him once of twice a week in the last months or so. But every time she would see him, a sense of dread would rise from her stomach. He looked like the ghost of himself. He was so pale, nearly grey. ‘How come nobody sees it?’ she wondered ‘What happening to you, Yuuri?’ 

Drunk, Minako feel asleep only minutes before Yuuri came back home from his nightly run. Like a shadow, he put a blanket on her shoulder and ran to his room to collapse in his bed.

Slightly less than an hour later, Minako woke up groggy. There was a blanket on her shoulder she was unsure how it got there. Shivering, she looked at the clock. It was nearly two in the morning. She tried to stand up, but her head was throbbing, so she slid down under the kotatsu. She turns it on, mentally apologizing to Hiroko for the waste of electricity, and fell back to sleep.

When he woke up, Yuuri was surprised to see that Minako was still in the living room. Tiptoeing to ensure she would not wake up, he went to the kitchen to prepare his tiny breakfast and his thermos of green tea. Even though he had been quite careful, the small clanging of the dishes in the sink woke the ballet teacher.

“Yuuri. I am worried about you. You look sick. Are you alright?”

“Yes. Don’t worry. I feel great. I just couldn’t sleep. 

“You went to sleep late. I was waiting for you. Where are you going?”

“I am just running a bit before the practice.”

“You’re working too hard. Go back to sleep.”

“Leave me alone. You should be happy that I am working. I’ll go to the competition like we dreamed.”

“Yuuri….”

“I AM fine.”

Yuuri, exasperated, left to room and slammed the door, not too hard to avoid waking the household, but hard enough to express the end of the conversation. Minako, not reassured at all, looked at Yuuri’s shadow running out of the house. ‘He lost too much weight. That’s not healthy.’ She knew she could not follow him. He was emotionally fragile and a hasty move would not help him.

Yuuri ran and ran, his anger powering his steps. ‘What is wrong with her? She spends her time to tell me to lose weight and now she is concerned. She always complains when I take time off and now she thinks she can change my schedule. I hate her. I hate her. I hate her.’ Yuuri ran around the town twice before coming back to the onsen hoping that Minako would be gone.

Entering the house, he looked in the shoe cabinet to check if her boots were gone. Sighing in relief, he saw that they were. He climbed the stairs feeling gross with the frozen sweat all over his sweatshirt. ‘A shower then meeting Viktor to go to the Ice Castle.’

Yuuri entered the bathroom and turn on the shower nearly at its hottest. Being born in a family that own and onsen, Yuuri was used to really hot water. He would rather have a bath in the onsen, but until his body was beautiful, Yuuri did not want to impose the disgraceful view to any consumers.

He climbed into the shower and felt his skin beginning to tingle. Confused, he assumed the water was too hot, so he turned the temperature down. But then his ears started ringing, and his head began to throb. Yuuri took a few deep breaths, leant against the wall, and slowly sank to his knees. He tried shaking his head back and his wet hair glued to his skull. He saw black points all over his vision and, in a flash; he was lying on the shower floor with the water beating down on him. Then, everything went black.


	8. Chapter 8

Viktor was patiently waiting in the genkan with his coat on his back and his bag near his feet. Well, patiently to an outsider. His annoyance was covered by his usual smile, but a clever observer could have seen the corner of his mouth slightly trembling, and his cold blue eyes staring toward the second floor of the inn. It was taking all of his self-control to not hit repeatedly his fingers on his arms or yell to his missing student to hurry. Viktor had told him the previous day that he had forgotten his key in the locker and that they were going to walk together. The absence of noise from upstairs was not a good sign on Yuuri’s readiness to leave. Viktor had not seen him at breakfast, but that was no longer unusual. His shoes were still on the shoe rack, so there were high chances for Yuuri to still be asleep.

Swearing in Russian, Viktor kicked his feet out of his shoes and ran upstairs to wake his unsuspecting student with a bucket of icy water if needed. He opened the door with force yelling his name. Surprised, he discovered the room completely empty. The bed was made and cold, so Yuuri hade woken up quite a while ago. This is when he heard the noise of the water down the hallway. In his annoyance, he had missed it when climbing the stairs, but it was now clear that Yuuri was taking his sweet time in the shower instead of being ready to go at the time they had discussed.

Stepping with more force than needed, Viktor walked down the hallway and, when he arrived in front of the bathroom door, he knocked with vigour yelling “Yuuri! You are late! I’m waiting for you. Hurry!” Viktor expected Yuuri to make his usual strange, but cute, strangled noise he always made when he was shy, but nothing from the other side of the door. Viktor called his students name louder and louder while knocking, but still not answers.

Disturbed by the noise, Mari came up to see what was happening. In the last few weeks, since Viktor arrived, Mari had the opportunity to collect quite a lot of blackmail material for her brother and she expected to get some more. What she did not expect was to find Viktor actually annoyed and her brother absent. “What’s happening?” she asked. Viktor explained the situation and Mari smiled. “What Yuuri does not know is that none of the rooms here can be completely locked,” she said, “When you know how, you can unlock all of them from the outside. I used to come in his room all the time when we were kids and he never figured how I did. It annoyed him so much.” She took a ten-yen coin from her apron and slid it in the locking mechanism and turn it 90 degrees until a clicking sound was heard. The door was unlocked. 

When they opened the door and saw Yuuri’s unconscious body in the shower, they both gasped and ran inside the room. Mari, not caring that she was getting wet, got inside the shower stall to turn off the water while Viktor picked up a towel to cover Yuuri. He took him in his arms to turn him in a better position. “Is he breathing? How is his pulse?” asked Mari taking her cellphone in her hand to call 119. At that moment, Yuuri woke up, moaning weakly. As they heard the sound, the two others got closer to Yuuri and asked lots of questions at the same time. Yuuri was blankly looking at them not really understanding what they were saying. “Water” he groaned both because his throat was dry, but also to get a bit of air from at least one of them. Mari ran to the sink, filled a glass of cold water and put it on his lips. He drank it on three sips. 

“I think my shower was too hot. My blood pressure drops. I’m all right,” said Yuuri when his thought process became clearer. 

“Do you need to go to the hospital?” asked his sister. 

“I’m alright. Give me ten minutes to dress up, Viktor and we can go to the Ice Castle.” 

At the same time, the two screeched “Are you crazy?” and “No. Today, you are resting.” 

Yuuri was divided between relief to not go skating when his body was feeling extremely tired and distraught at the idea of all the calories he was not going to burn by staying in bed all day. Relief won the battle and Yuuri allowed his sister to tuck him in bed. “Don’t tell mom and dad,” he murmured before falling asleep “they would freak-out.”

He slept for hours until a ray of sun came through his curtains and directly on his eyes. He looked at the clock on his bedside table and brusquely sat up when he discovered is was already noon. His legs were still feeling like cotton, but he forced himself to get up and go downstairs. Wincing when he heard Viktor’s laugh and melodious voice in the common room talking to his parents. Yuuri wondered if they knew what happened that morning. His sister would most likely keep it secret, but Viktor, who knew with him. They were caring parents always wanting the best for their children, but Yuuri felt that they were also often overprotecting. If they knew he fainted, they would never let him alone, always monitoring his every move. He took a deep breath and entered the room smiling. 

“Finally awake little piglet? I know we said that we would take it slowly today, but noon? Really?”

‘Good. Viktor will keep it quiet.’ Yuuri thought. “Yep! Perfect day to sleep in!” he said with a bigger smile.

“We just finished lunch. I made curry. I’ll reheat you a bowl,” said Hiroko, before running back in the kitchen.

His smile slightly dropped at the idea of curry. 242 calories for the rice, 235 calories for the sauce and 70 calories for the beef. 547 in total and half of the day to burn them and Viktor would keep an even closer eye on him than usual. There was no way to escape.

The scent of spice attacked his nose. He took a spoonful, moaning because of the taste. It had been a month since the last time he ate eaten such a good meal. His usual barely seasoned vegetable were nothing in comparison to this heavenly goodness. He quickly finished his meal and smiled his thanks to his mother who beamed back.

He left the room to get ready to go to the Ice Castle. As soon as he left the common room, his smile disappeared. Only one thought was in his head ‘547 calories’.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hugs from Canada for all the Americans here who want some. We are with you.

Days passed and Yuuri was feeling increasingly sick. His body seemed to not want to follow his schedule. Mornings were hard. Afternoons were gruelling. Evenings were dreadful. Mari and Viktor had not mentioned the fainting spell and Yuuri was extremely relieved. The only issue was Minako. She had been trying to talk privately to Yuuri for the last few days, becoming increasingly annoying. She was stalking him at home, at the rink and even in town. Yuuri had managed to avoid her, but he had exploded few times in front of his mother. Hiroko had been confused by her son’s reluctance of meeting his ballet teacher. She was not used to she Yuuri angry. All his life, because of his difficulty in making friends, he tried to always be pleasant and created this persona of a gentle person.

With the China Cup coming closer, Viktor had been increasingly hard on his student, expecting the best, at all time. His youth and training in Russia under the watchful eye of Yakov was evident. The communist ideology, while no longer existing when Viktor grew up, stayed important in the heart of his coach, especially the need to be the best in the world. Yuuri’s Japanese coach had been similar, but he relaxed under coach Celestino and going back to this Spartan coaching had been difficult at first. While Yuuri knew that Viktor was not trying to be cruel, he could not stop feeling like he was wasting Viktor’s time. Yuuri’s increased the level of his practice, trying the make Viktor proud and keep him in Japan. He feared the reaction of the world when they realized that he, a lowly Japanese skater, stole Viktor at the height of his career.

On Saturday, the Ice Castle Hasetsu had free skating and children classes and there was no time for on-ice practices. This meant that Yuuri usually went to Minako’s ballet studio. Viktor was usually going visit the most random part of Kyushu, so he would be easy to avoid. 

When Yuuri woke up at dawn, he resolved himself at skipping ballet practice and go train at a place where nobody could find him. Viktor was happily sleeping and would not wake up for few hours. He went to the first floor and froze went he heard Viktor’s voice in the common room with Minako. Before Yuuri could decide what to do, his mother came out of the kitchen and great him.

“Yuuri! Good morning!” exclaimed Viktor, happily waving his hand.

Yuuri forced a smile while he sat down beside his coach. Minako was smirking. Her worries were replaced for a moment with her happiness to have caught her student.

“What are you doing so early?”

“I am going to visit this castle in Kumamoto! I need to catch the first train. I want to eat Karashu Renkon.”  
Before Yuuri could offer to go with him and that way avoid Minako, Viktor stood up and left the room to get ready. Yuuri started to stand up to follow him when Minako grabbed his wrist. “Won’t you eat breakfast?” she said. Yuuri had no way to escape her grip as it was clear he did not eat before coming down and he was trying to prove to her that he was losing weight in a healthy manner. He sat down again and ate the breakfast his mother put in front of him without protests.

Viktor left in a hurry yelling that he was coming to miss his train and Yuuri was stuck with Minako who was scrutinizing him. He felt like becoming invisible. Her eyes were following him everywhere he went. He felt self-conscious of the space he was taking in the room. His breakfast finally finished, he went up to his room to change in his training clothes. Just before leaving the room, Yuuri looked in the mirror one last time. Breath caught in his throat, the enormous breakfast he just had made his stomach horribly round. He felt stupid of rising to the bait from Minako. He knew his body better than her. ‘What was she thinking? Is she trying to ruin his last chance?’

They walked together to the ballet studio in an extremely uncomfortable silence. Minako tried at first to make conversation, but Yuuri was not cooperative, keeping his eyes on the ground.

The morning lesson went without a problem. Yuuri, thanks to the breakfast, had for once enough energy to practice without dizziness. He was able to follow all Minako’s orders and exercises, but his usual energy was not present. With Minako watching like a hawk, Yuuri was forced to eat a snack and a lunch. But, his stomach was not longer used to eat so much food in a day.

Yuuri was in the middle of practicing his spins when a disgusting taste climbed in his throat. His stomach contracted and he had to run to the toilet to purge the food. Minako, worried, followed him and kneeled beside him while he was holding the porcelain bowl emptying his stomach. Caressing his hair, she said “Yuuri. I am worried about you. You are not fine. You need help.” With the little energy he had, Yuuri pushed himself off the toilet and turned with force to face her. “I AM ALRIGHT. LEAVE ME ALONE.” It was only thanks to Minako’s reflexes that she avoided Yuuri arm attempting to slap her. When he realized what he had tried to do, Yuuri ran out of the ballet studio, not even taking the time to take his coat and shoes.


	10. Chapter 10

When Viktor came back from Kumamoto, he had expected to see his cute student trying to not fall asleep in the common room. Every time he was leaving to visit Japan by himself, Yuuri seemed to be unable to stop worrying about his coach and could not go to sleep until he saw that Viktor was back. What Viktor did not expect was to see Minako, on the phone, pacing around the common room seemingly panicking.

“Where is he? Why is he not answering?” she exclaimed after hanging up for the millionth time.

Viktor’s Japanese was between non-existent and mediocre, but even him could hear the worry in her voice.

“Is everything alright?” he asked in English. 

“Yuuri ran away from practice hours ago and nobody had seen him since. It is still really cold at night. I am worried.”

“Yuuri? Ran away? What happened?”

“I talked to him about his weight.”

“Yuuri’s weight? It’s fine. I’m happy that he lost it. He would have never been competitive like this.

“I am concerned. He is losing too much… too fast.”

“Don’t worry. I’m keeping an eye on him. Now let’s try to find him.”

Viktor made a move to leave the room when Minako grabbed him by the elbow.

“He is not alright. Can’t you see? We need…”

“We don’t need to do anything. I am his coach, not you. I am keeping an eye on him. Everything is fine,” interrupted Viktor, his eye turning glacial. He pulled his elbow out of Minako’s grip and left the room, but without hearing Minako scream “You are not a coach. You are doing nothing more than playing a game. You don't have the experience to be one. You will put Yuuri in danger.”

Viktor left the inn, his good mood completely gone. ‘I am a good coach. Yuuri is improving like never before with me. He needed me… didn’t he?’ He walked around town at Yuuri’s favourite’s spots trying to find the fugitive skater. ‘Or was I the one who needed him?’

Viktor walked for more than an hour before seeing a shivering figure on the beach, arms around his knees. He approached silently before putting his arms around his student’s shoulders. Yuuri jumped at the sudden contact and retreated his face red. “It is only me,” murmured Viktor. Up close, he could see the tear in Yuuri’s eyes. Gently, he wiped his cheeks, remarking for the first time that all the baby fat disappeared from them.

For once, Yuuri responded to the hug and buried his head in Viktor’s neck, letting his tears flow. Viktor did not say a thing just holding his student, rubbing small circle on his back. They stayed that way until Yuuri fell asleep, exhausted from training and crying.

Viktor put an arm under his legs and his arm and carried him home. Entering the inn, Viktor saw Minako in the entrance and coolly stare at her, the meaning ‘look at what you have done,’ clearly visible. Her mouth that opened to talk to Viktor suddenly closed and she looked at the ground ashamed. Viktor went upstairs his student still in his arms and out him to bed.


	11. Chapter 11

Before even opening up his eyes, Yuuri remembered how he broke down in front of his idol. He was sure that Viktor would think that he was weak and undeserving of his coaching. He just wanted to pull his blanket over his head and hide from the world until he was forgotten. Then, he felt a slight unknown pressure on his left hand. He lifted slightly his shoulder from the mattress and turn toward it. His eyes opened in shock when he saw Viktor asleep sitting down on the floor next to his bed, one hand firmly in his. Yuuri froze in disbelief. Why would Viktor spend the night here, when he had a comfortable mattress in the room next door? Yuuri tried to slowly take his hand out of his coach’s one finger at the time. Viktor suddenly woke up, his eye blurry with sleep, he looked up toward Yuuri and jumped to hug him.

“Yuuri. You are awake. I am so relieved. How are you?” exclaimed Viktor.

Yuuri mumbled incomprehensible words frozen in the embrace. Viktor, used to the lukewarm response from his student, stood up and pull Yuuri to his feet. With a last look to make sure he was ok, he left the room.

When Yuuri went down for breakfast, he was half surprise to see Minako already present in the common room. After what happened the day before, he should have known that she would supervise his food intake. He asked his mother for a breakfast and ate it without a complaint even with the crazy high calorific intake. ‘This should prove her wrong’. That day, Yuuri took two laxatives instead of one.

Getting rid of Minako had been harder than he had expected. She followed them to the ice rink, only leaving when Viktor ordered her outside.

Throughout the training, Yuuri’s stomach was cramping. The double dose of laxative was upsetting his stomach, making hard to concentrate. At each cramp, the acute pain shot throughout his body, not unlike the feeling of a knife being stuck in his abdomen.

“Yuuri. What are you doing? Concentrate. The China Cup is next week. No time to waste. From the beginning again.”

Yuuri closed his eyes hard, trying to ignore the pain and got into position. The guitar notes resonated in the ice rink and Yuuri started dancing. He was done his step sequence and got into the spins combination. The cold air on his face was helping him to concentrate. He pushed on the ice for the triple axel when a sharp pain disturbed his concentration. He crashed horribly on the ice, cold sweat everywhere on his body. Yuuri got into fetal position, unable to stand up, his hand pressing on his belly as if he was trying to push the pain back into his body. 

Viktor shrieked his student’s name and ran on the ice, ignoring the no shoes allowed rule. He slid next to Yuuri and pulled him in his arms asking thousand of questions not realizing that in his stress he was speaking Russian and not English.

Viktor gently took Yuuri’s hand in his and wince whenever Yuuri would squeeze it at each cramp. Without his cell phone near him and unwilling to leave Yuuri alone, they could not do anything else than stay on the ice like that unlike the pain ceased. 

.oOo.  
When Minako had been kicked out of the ice rink, she had known that to help Yuuri she could not count of Viktor. He was not a coach; he was a skater playing to be a coach. He did not understand the responsibility of being a coach. He simply did not have the experience of being in charge of someone else.

She returned to the inn to talk to her senpai. As a compassionate mother, Minako was sure to have an ally in Hiroko.

She walked into the inn yelling her senpai’s name and like usual she immediately heard the soft running steps coming to the door. 

“What are you doing here so early?” asked the chubby petite woman.

“I am here to talk about Yuuri. I worry about him.”

“Yuuri? Isn’t he at the ice rink with Viktor?”

“What do you think about Yuuri’s weight? I think…”

“Isn't it great what Viktor is doing? Yuuri is so thin now. I am impressed. I could never lose weight like that,” she interrupted smiling brightly at Minako.

Minako stood in the genkan speechless. How could nobody see that Yuuri was not all right? How could nobody see what was happening? Yuuri was destroying himself and not only nobody was stopping him, but people were congratulating him.

“Don’t you think he is losing weight too fast?” said Minako unsure.

“Nonsense. Viktor is with him. He knows best.”

Minako suddenly understood that she had to act alone. She smiled to her senpai and when Hiroko went back to work, she climbed upstairs and entered Yuuri’s room. His bedroom was oddly spotless. She looked everywhere trying to fins so kind of clues on what was going on. Then, opening the bedside table’s drawer, she saw a reserve of laxative bars.

She fell on her knee discouraged. 

“Oh… Yuuri… what have you done?”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry everyone this chapter is pretty short, but I am horribly busy in real life right now. I don't I'll be able to update begining of December, but I wanted to give you something and now just disapear from the surface of Earth.

Minako stayed in her student’s room for hours, hesitating between confronting him or not. She knew that a confrontation would be painful for Yuuri, but she could not let his suffering continue. She felt that as a coach she needed to intervene, especially as Viktor was doing nothing. 

She took a decision and sat down on the bed to wait for him. She knew herself. If she did not talk to Yuuri in private today, she knew it would come out at the worst timing. She knew that it was for the best.

The sun was slowly setting when she heard two sets of footsteps in the staircase. She tightened her grip on the laxative bar and took a deep breath. The door finally opened and Yuuri’s smile disappeared immediately.

Without a sound, Minako showed the laxative to her student. His eyes tightened when he saw them.

“Why Yuuri?”

He lunged toward her and grabbed the tablet out of her hands. 

“It is not of your business. Get out of my room.”

“I am worried about you Yuuri. You are destroying yourself.”

“Leave me alone! You don't know anything. I am fine.”

“You are not. Listen to me. You lost too much weight. It is not healthy. You need help and I can help you. Yuuri! Listen to me before it is too late.”

Yuuri let escape a self-deprecating laugh. “I need to lose this weight. How else would I keep Viktor here? You don't know a thing. You never struggle in your life. You are just a wasted ballerina stuck in this provincial town. How can you even help?”

Minako dropped the laxative on the ground shock, her eyes filling with tears. Yuuri had never been this cruel to her. He had always been a sweet little boy who always wished the best for everyone. Her trembling hand dried her tears. She knew she needed to be strong. This Yuuri was not her Yuuri. He was suffering and just lashing at her.

“Yuuri,” she said he voice slightly trembling, “you don’t mean that. Come I can help you.”

“You cannot help. I don't need help. Leave me alone and continue wasting your life in your stupid bar that nobody frequents except losers.”

“Yuu…”

“Leave me alone you b***”

The tears that Minako was trying to stop escaped and ran down her face like if the dam keeping her emotion in control broke. She ran out of the room unable to stay so close to him when he was being that cruel. Knowing her since childhood, Yuuri knew exactly how to hurt her the most. He knew the bar was her father’s and when he died ten years ago, she retired from being a ballerina to keep it in the family. He knew how precious the bar was for her and how insecure she was at her ability to keep it perfect like it had always been.

Yuuri suddenly realized his words. He had been spiteful for no reason. Minako had always been there for him, always following him for his competition and she was always there when he needed to dance to control his anxiety. How could he have said such horrible things to his good friend and mentor?

Yuuri pressed his back on the wall and slid down until he was hugging his knees. Silent tears fell down from his eyes.

‘I have always been the fat, but nice kid. Now, I am not even nice. Why are people still around me? I am such a disgusting person, inside and out. I don’t deserve Minako’s friendship. I don't deserve Yuuko’s help. I don't deserve Nishigori’s support. I don’t deserve Viktor’s guidance. When they discover how horrible I am, they are all going to leave me and I will deserve that.’


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I am procrastinating and not studying for my exams, so I wrote this chapter. I hope you will like it.

Days passed without trouble. If anybody realized that Minako ceased to come to the inn, nobody said anything. Yuuri and Viktor were out practicing from dawn to sunset every day and the skater would come back so exhausted that he would only eat a small meal and take a bath before collapsing in his bed.

Viktor, usually relax before a competition, started to worry more and more everyday. It would be his international debut as a coach and he wanted to show the world that his student, his choice to leave the competitive world, was a good successor.  
The before the cup finally arrived. Minako, for the first time in nearly two weeks, entered the common room. She decisively walked toward Yuuri and grabbed him by the elbow before dragging him outside. Confused, Yuuri did not have the time to protest or even realized what was happening before he was standing in the hallway with his ballet teacher.

“Yuuri. I just wanted you to know that I’ll always be there for you. You can insult me. You can be horrible, but I will be there. I will support you. You are like my little brother. I am worried about you and if you want to talk or if you want any kind of help. You can always count on me.”

Minako delivered her speech in one breath, staring Yuuri in the eyes, which increased with surprised at each sentence. After a minute of stunned silence, Yuuri suddenly broke down and cried. Minako pulled him into a hug and Yuuri put his face in her neck and let the tear drop without trying to stop them. Minako was feeling her shoulder becoming yet, but she did not say a word. She just hugged him closer.

After few minutes, Yuuri knees bucked under him, drained. His crying had taken the last remnant of energy he still had. Minako put his arm around her shoulder and dragged him toward the second floor to put him to bed. His body was lighter than it should have been. The dread in her stomach made her want to tell something to Yuuri, but she knew she had to tread cautiously if she wanted Yuuri to feel comfortable with her.

.o0o.

The next morning, Yuuri woke up his eyes still red from the tears of the day before. He wobbled toward the scale to weight himself for the last time before the competition. 45.6. He smiled. He was nearly as thin as the Russian Yuri. A good sign for the competition. His smile disappeared when he looked at his face, his enormous cheeks still making his face look like a baby’s. He pocked at them, his finger getting swallowed by the fat. He sighed and went downstairs to put some ice on his puffy eyes before anybody could know he had been crying. 

He hurried to eat his small breakfast and stayed in front of the television, the sound really low, and a cold magic bag on his eyes. He did not feel himself falling back in the arm of Morpheus. 

Viktor came down snuggling his dog an hour later. It was quite early and the house was completely silent. Normally he would have heard the Kastukis getting ready for the day, but this morning Viktor had woken up really early. When he opened the door to the common room, he nearly jumped on his student to give him a hug before realizing the Yuuri was fast asleep. Viktor smiled and went to prepare his own breakfast before sitting down next to Yuuri. He turned off the television, his Japanese not being good enough to understand what the newscaster was saying anyway . After he gulped down the bowl of cereal he had bought slightly tired of fish for breakfast, he tried to gently wake Yuuri up. Yuuri opened his eyes, but did not seem to mentally wake up. He mumbled something in no known languages and fell back asleep on his coach’s shoulder. Viktor chuckled and pulled him to rest on his knees instead for both to be more comfortable.

Later, Hiroko came down to start her day of work. She stopped in her track when she saw her grown up son sleeping like a baby on his coach’s knees. The said coach was playing on his cellphone and was mindlessly playing his student’s hair. Hearing Hiroko, Viktor looked up at her and made the internationally understood sign of silence. Hiroko nodded and silently walked toward the kitchen. She smiled at Viktor and grabbed the two men’s dirty dishes. With Viktor’s low level of Japanese and Hiroko’s small understanding of English; they had created a relationship based on smiles and gestures. They spent most mornings together in a comfortable silence until Yuuri came back from his run and could interpret. 

An hour later, Viktor’s cellphone made a blipping sound. His had put an alarm to be sure they would not miss their flight. With a soft voice, he started to wake Yuuri up. His student’s eye fluttered opened. Realizing where he was sleeping, Yuuri jumped out of his coach’s lap, immediately apologizing. Viktor smiled at him, knowing that Yuuri was not going to listening to anything he would say before he had apologized to an “acceptable amount”. At first, Viktor had found this part of Japanese culture in his student to be strange and perplexing, but now he just found it cute.

When Yuuri stopped apologizing to take a breath, Viktor interrupted, “Done apologizing? Time to go to China!.” Yuuri nodded and went up the stairs to pick up his luggage and making sure for the last time that he had everything he needed while being in China.

Downstairs, Viktor was hugging Makkachin, sad to leave her behind even for just a weekend. Minako was standing in the corner of the room, a smile in her eyes. Yuuri walked toward her and hugged her murmuring an apology and his gratitude for the night before and for her discretion in her ear.

They finally left the inn and were en route to the China cup.


	14. Chapter 14

Yuuri was mentally swearing at his coach while running like crazy in the East wing of the Fukuoka airport. Viktor was laughing stupidly, grinning every time the lady on the intercom would massacre his Russian name. They were late and it was entirely his fault. As much as Yuuri loved Viktor’s poodle, he did not need to hug him seventy-three times before leaving. Because of the seventy-third hug, they had missed the local bus to the train station. Then, they had missed the train to get to Fukuoka and had to wait an hour before the next one. 

 

It was only at the third “last call for passenger Katsuki Yuuri-sama and Vikutoru Nikifurofu-sama” that they saw the Air China counter. Huffing and puffing, Yuuri slammed his passport on the counter with his ticket. Even though they were both in great physical shape, the run in the airport made them breathe pretty heavily. 

Viktor followed his student in the plane still grinning like an idiot, especially whenever he caught Yuuri’s murderous stare. They sat down in their seat and less than five minutes later, the plane was taxied toward the runway. 

Even though Yuuri had slept that morning, he fell back asleep on his coach’s shoulder not long after the takeoff. Viktor had to distract himself, not moving too much to avoid waking Yuuri, which was quite a feat for him. He watched the only English movie and started a Japanese one he remembered watching with the Katsukis a month earlier. Sadly, a calm Viktor is basically an oxymoron.

He started to play with Yuuri’s hair, making strange hairstyle while internally hoping he would wake up. Accidentally, Viktor touched Yuuri’s neck and then less accidentally he touched it. He continued to play with his student’s hair and more and more his caresses moved toward the neck. When he caught what he was doing, Viktor withdrew his hand in shock. ‘I am his coach, maybe his friend. Stay professional, Nikiforov.’ Yuuri sighed and turned his head slightly, but did not wake up.

Viktor straightened his back and squeezed his hands between his knees and stared blankly at the movie still playing in front of him.

An hour later, Viktor saw that the stewardess was starting to give out the supper and woke his student up. Yuuri was adorable his eyes full of sleep looking so innocent.

“Beef or chicken?” asked the stewardess, smiling brightly.

“Whatever is healthier” grumbled Yuuri apparently still too much in the world of sleep for his usually perfect Japanese manners to exist. Viktor smiled at the woman who nearly swooned.

“One of each.”

The stewardess got herself back together, gave the meals to the two athletes and continued delivering food to the passengers, not without a last glance toward Viktor.

Yuuri, having apparently chosen the chicken one, was picking at the overcooked vegetables grimacing at each bite. He poked at the chicken and completely ignored the obviously powered potatoes drowned in gravy.

The beef was not really better. It looked like a mushy mess of brown stuff. Some green and yellow beans were adding a bit of colour in the tray. Viktor took a bite and once again regretted letting Yuuri convince him to travel in the economy section. The seats were small. The food was suspicious. The movies were shown on a tiny screen. And on top of that, there was no wine with the meal.

“Your apple against my brownie,” said Yuuri when he gave up on the food on the tray.

“You need to eat more. You’re competing tomorrow. Eat some proteins.”

“Better no protein than food poisoning.” 

Viktor laughed. “ Not that I don’t like Sassy-Yuuri, but where does that come from?” Yuuri lightly punched his arm and while his coach was faking pain, he stole the apple from Viktor’s tray.

“At least eat the bread Yuuri.”

“No. If I eat too much carbohydrate, I’ll be fatter.”

Viktor frowned. Did Yuuri really believe he was fat? Even months, when he was at his heaviest, he was not fat, at least for the general public, just compared to the other figure skater. And, since he had lost all the weight and got more defined muscle. Minako’s voice resonated in his head. Had Yuuri lost too much weight? He had lost at least fifteen kilos. Did he lose more? How much was Yuuri weighing now? Did he really lose it too fast? 

Viktor was annoyed at all the questions without answer. He had never struggled with his weight thanks to his fast metabolism and his training. He really wanted to ask Yuuri, but whenever the subject of weight came up in conversation, Yuuri closed up like a clam. Viktor had no other choice than to put his questions aside for the moment.

Not long after the meal, the plane started to land and Viktor was happy to exit the small confines of the economy class. He swore to himself that the next time they would travel in business and he would pay whatever the difference.

When they exited the airport, a crowd of journalists was waiting for them. The flashes from the camera were blinding and it took all of Viktor experience to keep smiling while dragging a frozen Yuuri toward the exit. They were shouting questions in Russian, English and Japanese. Yuuri seemed overwhelmed by the sensory overload. While being the best skater in Japan, his international career and successes were nearly non-existent. He usually had one or two reporters following him, but never before he had been assaulted this way by media attention. 

Viktor pushed him in the first taxi he saw to get to the hotel and get prepared for the first stage of the Grand Prix that would happen the following day. 

Sitting next to his petrified student in the taxi, Viktor released the breath he did not even know he was keeping. “Sorry about that Yuuri. It is because of me that they all came today. They are curious for my premiere as a coach,” said Viktor, placing an arm around Yuuri’s shoulder for a one-arm hug. Yuuri seemed to relax in his embrace and turned to smile at him. “It’s ok. As long as you’re with me, I’m ok.”


	15. Chapter 15

The next morning, the level of stress was at the ultimate level. They had been running around the hotel room trying to find everything they would need for the competition, but Yuuri’s left skate was still MIA. Even Viktor, who was normally unperturbed, seemed anxious. After finding it, strangely enough in Viktor’s suitcase, they went down to the breakfast offered by the hotel.

On top of the normal Chinese and continental breakfasts, the hotel was offering a special breakfast for the athletes competing in the China cup. Viktor, not unlike the night before, seemed decided to try every traditional dishes and was snubbing the granola and yoghurt breakfast Yuuri was currently eating. Yuuri’s anxiety made eating difficult, but he knew that before a competition he had to eat properly, so he forced spoonful after spoonful in his mouth.

After breakfast, they went to the ice rink to practice. They had an hour in the morning and half an hour in the afternoon before the main event. At the ice rink, the tension was high. The event coordinators were still running left and right to organize the last details and the skaters were trying to ignore the energy and focus.

Backstage, Yuuri was doing an interview when Viktor saw Yakov for the first time since he had left Russia.

“Yakov! Long time no see!” exclaimed Viktor jogging toward his former coach.

With Georgi looking slightly uncomfortable ahead of him, he continued walking ignoring the five times medalist. Viktor caught up with him and grabbed his coat.

“Viktor. Listen. I feel sick when I see you playing pretend-coach.”

Viktor, shocked, let go of the coat. ‘Am I really only pretending to be a coach or am I the good person for Yuuri?’ Viktor cleared his throat wanting to reply to Yakov but saw that he was already far away. He suddenly felt the need to talk to his coach, find some guidance from the experienced man. He wanted to be strong for Yuuri’s sake but suddenly felt like a child pretending knowing more than he did to impress grown-ups. 

A hand softly touched his shoulder, Viktor jumped and turned toward Yuuri, his interview apparently finished. Looking to his student’s smiling face, his worries seemed to disappear in an instant. “Let’s go backstage. I think everyone arrived.” Not long after they got in the changing room, a black tornado came down to them grabbing Yuuri in a strong hug.

“Pitchit-kun.”

“Yuuri! Long time no see!”

Pitchit seemed to talk faster than usual with his excitement of being for the first time able to compete in the biggest figure skating competition. He was usually, at his biggest despair, falling short of a point or two qualify. 

“Ah… we saw each other yesterday.”

“Not the same. It is the first time we are competing against each other. I’ll win, you’ll see.”

 

On that, he ran toward Celestino who nodded a greeting to his former student. Pitchit started murmuring something in Celestino’s ear who nodded in response. Neither Yuuri nor Viktor seemed to see the worried looks sent toward them.

“I have never seen someone with so much energy,” said Viktor still slightly dazed by the rapid exchange between the former roommates.

“That’s Pitchit-kun for you,” laughed Yuuri, his eyes bright with delight.

They both went in one of the rooms left empty for the skater to start warming up when a large hand caressed his behind. Yuuri jumped and with an exasperated tone said the name of the hand’s owner.

Christophe frowned. He had touched Yuuri quite often being somewhat friend since the Japanese’s arrival in the juniors seven years ago. Yuuri, even at the top of his shape, had always been marginally chubbier than the average figure skater, especially around the hips. Never before he had been able to feel his hipbone. Today, it was protruding with absolutely no fat to hid behind. Christophe did not know if he should congratulate Yuuri for losing the stubborn fat or be worried. So, he did nothing but flirted.

“I guess your Master is training you hard. You are in exceptional from,” purred Christophe in the Japanese’s ear, his hand finally leaving Yuuri’s body. “You know it is a sin to keep Viktor just for yourself. The Figure Skating World does not want to share him.”

He left with his coach while Viktor went to talk to some of his former rink mates in Russian. Yuuri was left alone to continue to warm up, suddenly feeling the weight of the World on his shoulders.

An hour later, right after the junior competition had ended, it was time for the six skaters to changed into their costume and get ready.

In the changing room, Yuuri found a private corner to change into his costume. He pulled the pants and grimaced when the waistband was too big for him. He could not compete with a costume threatening to drop to his ankles at all times. He took some tape and secured the pants properly on his hips. Yuuri was happy once more to have chosen a longer than usual top which would without any doubt hid the tape during his performance.

He walked back toward his coach to get some help with his hair, a tradition after Viktor’s umpteenth complaint about Yuuri’s lack of care for his physical appearance.

He did not have to look around for long as Viktor appeared in front of him, his usual and extremely seductive smile on his lips.

.o0o.

Viktor had been really happy to talk with his former rink mates. They brought him to the Russian delegation that was, except for Yakov, delighted to see their champion again. He had been dragged from conversation to conversation and he had not seen the time pass as he was so happy to be able to talk in his first language for the first time in months. After leaving the Russian after a way too long conversation, Viktor had been looking everywhere for his missing student. His expression must have been telling as Christophe just pointed toward the changing room and told him that Yuuri was changing there.

Viktor had always loved to see Yuuri in his costume. It was really fitting his routine, as with the black and silver outfit he really looked sexy, Eros pouring off his every pore. Coming out from behind a row of lockers was Yuuri in his black and silver sexiness. Viktor gave an approving look to his student. 

Looking at him from top to down, Viktor realized that Yuuri looked different that day. He could not put a finger on the difference until it hit him in the face; the costume was way looser than it had been at the Onsen on Ice. The costume was then pretty skin-tight, leaving absolutely nothing to the imagination. It was now nearly baggy. Yuuri had reached his pre-Grad Prix weight few days before the Ice Castle competition and was supposed to only maintain it. Looking at the way the costume was nearly falling off his body, Yuuri had lost more weight since, way more weight. ‘Why is he looking so thin? Is he sick? Should I bring him to the doctor? How did I not realize this earlier?’ Viktor, to avoid worrying Yuuri before a competition, tried his best to keep his worries off his face and put his public persona’s mask on.

In the changing room, a bell rang. The medal ceremony of the juniors was ending and the senior competition was starting in less than an hour.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry everyone... this chapter is so late... but real life jsut came in the way. First I had a harder than I thought final (on which I sadly believe I did not do well) and than I lost a bet agaisnt my roommate and I had freakingly long fake nails that were making doing any type of activity (such as typing, cooking, usign a cellphone or you know dressing up in the morning) extremely hard.
> 
> As an apology, this chapter is longer than usual. :)
> 
> I hope you will like it. I think I will have the time to write another one before Christmast and Hanukah, but if I do not... Merry Christmas! Chag Urim Sameach! Happy Kwanza! and many more.

Yuuri was looking at ice where Pitchit was getting ready to start his program. Even though he was usually too stressed to look at the others’ program, he felt the duty to cheer on his best friend, especially while he was dancing on the soundtrack of his favourite movie.

Pitchit did not look stressed; instead, he was looking like he was having the time of his life, which, knowing him, could easily be the case. Pitchit had been the perfect companion for Yuuri during their time abroad. His youthful and colourful personality was the ideal balance for Yuuri’s quiet and removed one. Even though Pitchit was younger than his best friend, he was acting more often than not as his big brother, sometimes teasing, but always there to protect him. Celestino had understood that early one and had used it to help them grow as skaters and as people.

Even though Pitchit was officially his rival, Yuuri still made a quiet prayer to the Gods hoping success to his friend. Opening his eyes at the sound of the music, Yuuri looked at Pitchit giving the best performance of his life. The crowd was enthralled by his quick moves and his smile. His mistakes absolutely not running the atmosphere of the performance, Pitchit was the king of the ice.

When Pitchit left the ice to receive his score, he beamed toward Yuuri and made a peace sign. Yuuri responded the same way. A new personal best for him! 

Absolutely not the type of person to care about manners and procedure, Pitchit jumped to hug Yuuri immediately after leaving the kiss and cry. Yuuri let a small startled laugh while Pitchit hugged him. He could not see Pitchit darkening look when he discovered that he could feel everyone of Yuuri’s rib, even through two layers of fabric. 

Nearly as fast as he came to hug him, Pitchit left Yuuri to finish warming up and went back to Celestino. 

“I am worried about Yuuri. He is even thinner than I thought yesterday.”

“He wasn’t like that when he left my tutelage six months ago. If anything he was chubby. I wonder what happened.”

Pitchit nodded not knowing what to say. He put a smile back on his face and went into the changing room to talk to the other skaters. He saw Yuuri getting ready a strange look on his face. He looked determined, which was strange, as usually he looked panicked so soon before his performance. Pitchit did not know if he should talk to him or if he should let him be. He could also see Viktor and Christophe talking in a corner. Shrugging, Pitchit decided to go see Guang-Hong’s dance, or what was left of it.

.o0o.

Yuuri was concentrating on his performance. After Pitchit and now Guang-Hong’s performance, the bar was set high for him. There was also the pressure from Viktor’s reputation to not destroy. Chris told him that it was a sacrilege to take Viktor away from the ice and Yuuri knew he was not good enough as a skater to deserve Viktor’s attention.

He was jogging back and forth in the changing room trying to focus, but an annoying ringing sound in his ears kept bothering him. He was happy that he ate that morning, as there was not pain in his stomach for the first time in weeks. If the annoying sound could go away, Yuuri felt he could finally focus.

A thunder of applause came from the ice, Guang-Hong must have finished and it would be Yuuri’s turn soon after. He saw Viktor get away from Chris and walked toward the ice, his protector making a clicking sound on the concrete.

After a last pep talk from Viktor, Yuuri skated toward the centre of the ice. He took three deep breaths to relax and let the music control his moves. He felt weightless. He could feel that this was his best performance of the Eros routine. Losing the weight was the best decision after all.

On the side of the ice, Chris was looking at his friend skating like he had never before. Viktor’s training seemed to have created result as he was focused and nailed every one of his jumps. Yuuri, who had the habit of self-destroying because of anxiety, was simply a different person today. The floating costume helped create a sense of lightness and made Yuuri look like he was flying instead of skating. Chris could not take his eyes away from him until the last note resonated in the quiet arena.

With the last spin, Yuuri finished his routine flawlessly. He was breathing hard from the exhaustion. The ringing noise had increased throughout the routine, but not in anyway that Yuuri could not ignore. However, the black dots that were increasingly taking over his vision were harder to ignore. Forcing a smile on his face, he bowed to the crowd, each of them increasing the dizziness he was feeling.

He skated toward the mouth of the ice and went to hug Viktor. Sitting down in the kiss and cry, he pressed his fingers on his temples to stop raising headache. The roar of the crowd as well as Viktor’s enthusiastic reaction told him that his scores were in and that they were good. Yuuri looked up to see the number squinting to see without his glasses. 106.84. Another personal best. The tension in his body disappeared.  
.o0o.

Viktor had tried all evening to control his worrying. He seemed to have been as bad as a coach as Yakov told him he would be. He had not seen how his student had lost weight. He wondered when it had started and how come he had seen nothing until today. Then he thought of Minako who had been right. He should not have told her off as he did. 

Viktor forcefully shook his head trying to focus his thoughts on the current competition once again. Yuuri was next and he had to be fully concentrated on him. This was the first Grand Prix competition of the year; the first one Yuuri would attend since his disastrous final the previous year, the first one since Viktor had come to coach him. He had to show the world why Viktor had thought he deserved personal coaching. Viktor did not care what the world was saying about him, but he saw Yuuri trying to disappear from the glares when they entered the rink. He saw how Yuuri would fake laughing about the gossip articles that appeared every other week on Yuuri being a waste of his time, but cry as soon as he thought Viktor could not see him.

Viktor gave him a reassuring talk before the Yuuri’s performance. ‘He looks so different today. I wonder if he is going to be alright.’ Viktor gave him a last big smile and Yuuri skated to the centre of the ice while the presenter announced his name and the title of the song he was skating to.

Yuuri skated his program without a fault. Viktor could feel his heart batting faster and faster with excitement. Yuuri looked like the master of the ice, a femme fatale who was holding their faiths in one hand. The performance passed in a blink of an eye. When he was done, Viktor could not stop himself from screaming Yuuri’s name and opened his arms to hug his student, until Chris made him realised he was not on the good side of the rink. He started running to get to the opening before Yuuri. He arrived right on time, but Yuuri beat him to the hug. Viktor’s heart exploded in his chest. Yuuri was so rarely confident enough to start a hug, so Viktor was overjoyed every time he did.

They sat down together in the kiss and cry. “Did that feel great?” asked Viktor. Yuuri was looking slightly dazed. “As long as everyone was feeling great…” answered Yuuri. It took the twenty years in the public spotlight for Viktor to keep his smile on his face. Yuuri’s happiness seemed to always depend on how others were feeling. He seemed to never be happy for himself. ‘Like if he had no sense of self’ though Viktor, dread rising in his chest kicking away the happiness. 

Suddenly the scores appeared on the screen, Yuuri was first with a new personal best. Viktor jumped to hug him with all his strength. Yuuri made a strangled noise before looking at the scores himself. He felt Yuuri relax in his arms, the tension finally leaving his body.

They stood up at the same time, Yuuri having left his hug moments earlier. They were only two or three metres away from the kiss and cry when he felt Yuuri hand grab his long beige coat. “I am not feeling good,” murmured Yuuri. Viktor brusquely looked toward his student, his eyes opening in shock when he saw how white, under his bright red cheeks, Yuuri was looking. Viktor put an arm around his shoulders to support his weight and continued walking toward the changing room and out of the sight of the audience.

They continued walking and the weight on his arm was increasing at each step. They were only a metre away from the door when Viktor realised that Yuuri’s were no longer opened. He was only focusing on putting a foot in front of the other, his grasps on reality rapidly fading.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey everyone! I was hoping finishing this chapter before Christmas, but I was called to work nearly everyday in the last two weeks... but at least it is before New Year!  
> I hope the formatting is going to be alright... I have been writing this during my breaks at work on a French keyboard (I am actually a French native who just happened to refuse to set her keyboard to French on her personal computer), so it was slightly painful to write, especially dialogues (different quotation marks) or the way every single word was underline becuase my workplace does not have the English dictionary downloaded on Word...  
> Well, please enjoy and have a Happy New Year! Let's hope 2017 will be better than 2016.

Yuuri suddenly felt heavier in Viktor's arms. He was nearly losing his grips on his students when Christophe appeared next to him and, in the appearance of giving Yuuri a hug, helped Viktor carry him inside the changing room and far from the prying eyes of the press.

  
Yuuri, completely out of cold, was laid down on a bench in the private part of the changing room. Viktor had a disbelieving look on face, looking at his student and having no idea what to do. His heart was divided between the duty of a coach and the desire of a skater.

  
As a skater, he knew the most important was to perform and never let anything external to affect the show. Calling the medical team would lead to Yuuri's withdrawal of the competition and of the Grand Prix. However, as a coach it was his duty to call them and make sure Yuuri was alright. He looked at Christophe to ask him what to do. The other skater was in the international skating world for nearly as long as Viktor and knew exactly the debate taking place inside his head. However, before he could voice his worrying, Yuuri's eye fluttered open.

  
Viktor ran to his side, kneeling next to him and took his hand. “Yuuri! How do you feel?” he exclaimed in a low voice. Yuuri smiled at him and replied that he felt fine. His smile did not reach his eyes. Yuuri's hand felt small and bony in his hand. “Yuuri, you are not alright. I can see that now. Tell me what I can do for you.” Yuuri looked slightly confused and replied “I swear I'm alright. I'm just tired. Let's go back to the room.”

  
Viktor wanted to reply, but a clamour in the hallway announce the soon return of the athletes, coaches and the press in the changing room. They had to leave before getting ambushed with interviews and overenthusiastic fans.

  
Viktor and Christophe grabbed the sweatshirt and sweatpants Yuuri was wearing earlier and, without bothering with taking his costume off, pulled them over his thin body. Christophe swore in French when he discovered the tape holding the costume on Yuuri's hips. Hearing his friend swear in his first language made Viktor look and the remaining colour on his face were completely drained. It was even worse than he had expected.

  
They were nearly done with dressing Yuuri when Pitchit came in in a hurry. Even before Viktor and/or Christophe had time to walk in front of Yuuri hiding him from the view, Pitchit exclaimed “Come with me. Ciao-Ciao found a discreet way to leave the building,” and without giving the time for anybody to protest took Yuuri's luggage and left the room.

  
The Europeans exchanged a look and help Yuuri on to his feet. They were getting ready to put his arms around his shoulders when Yuuri protested that he could walk. His steps were wobbly at first, but he soon found the strength to walk with confidence. Viktor and Christophe walked behind him, slightly on the edge, ready to catch him if his strength failed him.

  
They walked for long minutes in the lesser known parts of the stadium. While the public parts were all lightened up and with colourful motifs, here everything was grey and slightly dusty. Either the people who constructed this arena lacked budget in the end of they did not care for their staff. However, this also meant the press would not be seen here. Multiple times, Pitchit, who walked faster than them, came back to guide them in the unlighted hallways.

  
When they finally arrived outside, at the door where the Zamboni left the discarded snow, they saw a taxi waiting for them. Celestino was standing in front of it and was talking in a broken Mandarin to the driver to, Viktor guessed, ensure the privacy of his former student.

  
Viktor had just helped Yuuri inside the cab and let himself in when a group of journalists, who finally caught on that something strange was happening with three of the six skaters of the men competition being nowhere to be seen, came around the ice rink running, their camera and micro in their hands.

  
Before Viktor could think of anything, Celestino hit lightly the hood of the car twice and the taxi left. In the corner of his eyes, Viktor saw Christophe being even more outrageous than usual, taking the attention of the press on him instead than on the departing taxi.

  
When they arrived at the hotel, Viktor and Yuuri entered their room without talking. Yuuri was feeling horrible. He felt ashamed of fainting in front of Viktor. He felt betrayed by his body.

  
Viktor, for once, did not know what to say. Like most skaters, he had to care about his weight, but his fast metabolism and his training regimen had guaranteed all his life that his weight would remain healthy. He did not want to say the wrong thing to Yuuri and knowing their past interactions, he had the tendency of doing exactly that.

  
Yuuri went directly to bed, not taking his two layers of clothes off. He lay down in the foetal position all wrapped in the comforter. He wanted to cry but did not want to do so in front of Viktor. ‘Please leave. Please get out’ he thought, his eyes getting wetter. Trying to control the tears, his body started to shake.

  
Viktor was standing awkwardly neither close to Yuuri’s bed nor close to the door. He was balancing from one foot to the other trying to choose if he should leave Yuuri alone or go comfort him. After long minutes, he walked silently toward the bundle that was Yuuri and sat down. Softly, he started caressing his back in circles. They stayed that way in silence for nearly an hour until the shaking was slowly appeased and Yuuri fell asleep.

  
While they were ignoring the world in the safety of the hotel room, the world did not forget about them. Between text messages and notification from SNS, the two cell phones were constantly buzzing. Usually Viktor, always the attention seeker, would have jumped at his cell phone to see the new trends, but now he had someone more important to care about… even though he had no idea how.

  
When Yuuri’s breathing became clearly deeper, Viktor stood up, his knees cracking. He took his cellphone and unlocked it. Ignoring the thousand of notifications, he directly called Christophe.

  
“Hey. Thanks for today. I don’t what I would have done without you.”

  
“No problem. How is he?” replied Christophe in a low voice, the sound of voices speaking rapidly in French in the background.

  
“Well… Yuuri is finally asleep, but we didn’t talk or anything.”

  
“Leave him be for now. Just bring him food later tonight.”

“Should I wake him? What should I bring? I have no idea what to do.”

“First, calm down. You are not going to help anyone by panicking, especially not someone like Yuuri with anxiety issues. Second, you should definitely wake him up. He is lacking food and nutrient and that’s critical, especially as an athlete. Do you have any idea since when he deprived himself of food?”

“No clue. I didn`t see a thing… I mean I know he was overweight when I met him in April, but I let him diet as he wished. I didn’t see… I just… I mean… Oh God… I’m such a horrible person… and a worse coach.”  
Viktor sat down on the ground, his back resting on the wall and he hugged his knees trying to comfort himself. He tried to stay calm, holding back the tears that were menacing to escape.

“Calm down Viktor. Ok, where are you now? At your room? You can’t be alone. I’ll go tell my coach something to get rid of him and I’ll meet you there. ”

“Thanks”, said Viktor softly, one or two tears treasonously escaping from his eyes.

The loud, maybe only because Viktor’s sense were going into overdrive, noise came from the phone when Christophe hang out. He just had to stay strong until the arrival of his friend.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains swearing in a foreign language. The translation is in the note at the end.

Christophe arrived less than thirty minutes later with a thermos in one hand and a glass filled with a strange green substance in the other. Viktor raised his eyebrow in a questioning look, pointing toward the substance with his face.

"It's a protein shake. I think it would be good for Yuuri."

Viktor let him enter the room and closed the door quietly. He did not want to wake Yuuri up, but also did not want anybody to catch sight of Christophe coming in. While he was not hiding his sexuality, he was not in the open either. Christophe was openly gay and happily engaged to his French boyfriend. Any picture of them together in a hotel room would raise media furries that the two competitors did not need in the middle of the skating season.

They sat down together on the small couch in the corner of the room and started talking in low voices. Christophe was one of the few people in front of which Viktor could be himself and not wear a mask.

Yuuri was turning in his bed, clearly not resting peacefully, when Christophe advised Viktor to wake him up.

"He needs some food, a shower, and then some good sleep before tomorrow. If you leave him to sleep now, he will wake up in the middle of the night and worry."

Nodding, Viktor stood up and nicely woke Yuuri up. Deep inside, he really wanted to wake him up with a kiss like in the fairy tales, but he knew Yuuri was not returning his feelings and such act would not be appreciated.

Yuuri grumbled in his sleep in Japanese. Viktor did not understand the words, but the feeling was clear. Viktor persevered and finally he was able to see the beautiful and warm brown eyes. Yuuri's hair was completely ruffled, the hair gel they had put on him for the performance completely gone and his eyes were full of sleep. Viktor could not stop himself thinking how beautiful he was. Then, immediately a pang of guilt came over his stomach. Viktor started wondering how much his 'piggy' comments led to this.

While Viktor was lost in his thoughts he did not see Christophe leading Yuuri toward the bathroom for a shower. But when Yuuri came out, all refreshed, Viktor knew a conversation was needed.

Yuuri sat down on the bed, few metres away from the two other skaters like if was purposely trying to put some distance between him and them. Christophe stood up and walked toward Yuuri the thermos and green substance in his hands. He sat down beside the Japanese man, but not too close to not overwhelm him. Christophe knew that Yuuri was anxious and dislike when people came into his bubble. The only people who seemed to be allowed were Phitchit and Viktor. 

"Here some soup and some protein shake. It will be good for you after today," said Christophe putting them in Yuuri's hands, "drink them, stretch and you can go back to sleep."

Christophe returned on the couch and went back to make small talk to Viktor. At first, Viktor had look at him with disbelief, sending him a 'you want to talk about your boyfriend now!? Shouldn't we talk about what happened today' type of look, but seeing that Yuuri was looking reassured by Christophe seeming lack of care, he followed Christophe's lead.

When Yuuri finished the soup and protein shake and when he was sure that the two others were not looking, he took his cell phone and entered the two food in the app that his used to calculate the calories. He, then, started stretching on the floor of the room, refusing Viktor's help when he offered.

He was once again feeling tired and went to the bathroom to get ready to go to bed. Yuuri came out in his now usual overlarge sweatpants and sweatshirt he was using to sleep as, with the fall already here and the winter coming, he was feeling extremely cold at night lately. In bed, he took his phone to read stupid stuff online before falling asleep but did not expect Christophe to stand up and grab his phone out of his hands.

"I remembered clearly Celestino telling you that you were not allowed to your phone during competitions," he said a big smile on his face. Turning toward Viktor, "since the Juniors, when Yuuri has, he always read what the meanest people out on the internet have to say about his performance and cannot sleep after that. So your phone is not con.fis.ca.ted until tomorrow evening" Yuuri made an outraged face but knew his friend was entirely right, so he turned on his side and promptly fell asleep. Christophe pocketed the phone and murmured to Viktor to follow him to his room.

The walk was quiet, every time Viktor wanted to say something Christophe shook his head. In public, nobody knew who could hear something and to whom they would give the information heard.

They entered Christophe's room and sat down exactly how they were in Viktor's room.

"Ok... so what do we know... between April when you met him and today he has lost 20 or 30 kilos... and his starting weight could not really be higher than 65 or 70kg." Viktor nodded looking ashamed. "Do you know if he has a history of eating disorder?"

"I don't think so. Hiroko has never mentioned anything like that."

"Hiroko?"

"His mother. But Minako, his ballet coach told me months ago she felt something was wrong. Why did I not listening to her?" Viktor burst into tears.

Christophe shook him hard, "Pull yourself together. We don't have time for self-pity. When did she say that?"

"I don't know maybe in late September."

"Ok. She has a good eye and she cares about Yuuri. She'll be a good ally."

"Ally?"

"Yeah. You and Yuuri are going to need to surround yourself with allies. Yuuri has an eating disorder and it won't just resolve itself now that you and I know. You are going to need to work with him against bad habit he has form in the last months."

Christophe took Yuuri's mobile out of his pocket. "Earlier I saw him enter something on his phone after eating. I guess either an app to lose weight or just a note with all calories he has consumed. If I can remember his password, we can see the extent of his diet."

Viktor looked somewhat shocked by Christophe mention of breaking in his student's phone.

"Haha 1225. He did not changed it since last time."

"My birthday?"

"Of right. I did not realise. Oh Yuuri," he said with a soft smile.

For few seconds, Christophe looked into Yuuri's downloaded apps.

"Got it. Caloriecount. He is using an app. Let's see if he has protected it with a password."

When he pressed the app and it came up without a pop-up asking a password, Christophe let a smile cover his face, but quickly, as he was looking a Yuuri's food log, the smile disappeared.

"Merde" he swore "Putain de merde. Yuuri."

Hearing Christophe swear in French startled Viktor. Christophe was a sexual being, but he never swore, something about his mother training him at a young age to control his language.

"He has been eating 300 to 400 calories a day for months."

Viktor's leg gave up under him and he crashed on the ground.

"трехсот до четырехсот? Боже, Юрий ..."

They stayed in a shocked silence for nearly ten minutes when Christophe threw Yuuri's phone on the bed. It bounced off it and crashed on the ground. "Merde. Merde. Merde. It is worse than I thought." He got ready to kick the leg of the bed but stopped himself because he still had the free program the next day and he could not afford to hurt his foot.

"Ok. Now you're going to need to look at what he is eating and try your best, at least until you get back to Japan to make him eat more. But don't force him that it just going to make it worse. Protein shakes are pretty good for minerals and vitamins and I would guess that he is lacking most of them. When you get back, talk to Minako and Hiroko."

Viktor nodded and stood up to get ready to leave the room, it was already quite late and Christophe needed to sleep before the competition the next day.

"How do you know so much about eating disorder?"

"Stéphane has one since he was thirteen, but we are working on it," said the Swiss with a sad smile.

Viktor walked back to his friend and hugged him. "You're the best friend I could have ever hoped to have. "Do you think it is my fault? I called him piggy and asked him to lose weight..."

"No. An eating disorder is deeper than that. But it did not help. You need to find another nickname that is not fat-shaming."

Viktor finally left the comfort of Christophe hug and return to his room to think about what he had learn and hopefully to sleep a bit before the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These following translations contain swear words. Please do not read if you don't want to.
> 
> Merde = shit.  
> Putain de merde = litt translation would be slut of shit, but it is more a succession of profanities such as f***ing s**t  
> трехсот до четырехсот? Боже, Юрий ... = 300 to 440? God Yuuri...


	19. Chapter 19

In the end, both Viktor and Yuuri slept badly that night. Yuuri had slept for few hours before waking up, in the middle of the night, and stayed lying down, completely unable to sleep. Viktor, restlessly, turn in his bed over and over. When the alarm rang, the two stop trying to fall asleep and got ready for the day.

Viktor knew he should say something to Yuuri, but for the first time in his life, he really did not know what to say. He did not know how to broach the topic without destroying the little self-esteem Yuuri had, especially on the day of the Free Program.

They both went downstairs in silence. Yuuri was refusing to even look at Viktor in the eyes. Often, Viktor would open his mouth to talk to his student, but he would close it immediately, not a sound made.

In the breakfast room, there was a spot reserved for them, out of view of the journalists who were staying in the lobby in hope of an interview. They sat down and Yuuri started eating the granola and yoghurt. They were nearly finished when Yuuri started searching n his pocket, looking increasingly stressed. He bent down and started looking in his back, emptying every pocket.

“I can’t find my phone!” he said, his voice rising with worry.

“Don’t you remember? Christophe has it. He took it away yesterday so you wouldn’t look at gossip blog.”

“Oh right.”

“I know why you were looking for your phone. It wasn’t for social media. I know about the app.”

“Which app?” said Yuuri trying, but failing to look innocent. As much of a talented skater who could write a story on the ice, Yuuri was a pretty horrible actor off the rink.

“You know what I mean. You should do that.”

“I don't know what you mean.”

“Yuuri. For God sake,” said Viktor, slamming his hands on the table and standing up. The room, which was filled with soft conversations, became immediately quiet, all the eyes were on them. Viktor sat down and tried the regain his calm. Yuuri, always polite, bowed slightly to everyone to apologize for the disruption. “I saw the caloriecount app on your phone. 300 to 400 calories a day. What were you thinking? Are you trying to kill yourself? You are a professional athlete. Didn’t Celestino tell you about proper eating? Are you trying to sabotage yourself?”

Yuuri looked shocked at Viktor’s murmured explosion. Then, his emotion broke free.

“What do you know? You never struggle with your weight. You can eat anything and not gain a kilo. I can't be that lucky. I gain weight so easily. I eat one candy and it will immediately go into my hips. I have always struggled with my weight and now at least I can control myself. I will win this competition and show that even me, a piggy, can be a winner, can be beautiful.”

Without leaving the time for Viktor to reply, Yuuri took his bag and left the breakfast room. Viktor wanted to run after him and tell him that he was wrong, that he did not need to starve himself, but he also knew that the journalists were waiting in the lobby and if he caused a scene it would be bad publicity for Yuuri who really did not need that on top of everything else.

For the rest of the day, Yuuri refused to talk to Viktor and went to practice with Minako, who was completely hung over after going drinking the night before. The only comfort Viktor had was that Minako knew what was happening even before him and would be able to take care of Yuuri. 

His bad night of sleep combined with the stress of the competition and the anxiety following his fight with Viktor made Yuuri looked increasingly tired. Lunch had been awkward. Minako had been able to put some food in Yuuri’s plate. With only one look and a comment in fast Japanese, Minako made Yuuri eat everything without complaining. In the corner of his eyes, Viktor could see that Yuuri really wanted to enter everything that he just ate in the app, but his phone was still in Christophe’s possession and the self-declared slow starter was still nowhere to be seen. The night before, Viktor had been confused on why Christophe had refused to give the phone back to Viktor, but now he saw that Christophe had known that his friend would have too easily pressured to give the phone back.

After lunch, Minako went back to the hotel room to take a nap and grab Yuuri to follow her. Viktor rejoiced internally that Minako had seen Yuuri’s tired state and had found a way to resolve it, as Viktor was still not allowed near Yuuri.

Viktor did not know if he was allowed to follow them to the hotel or if his presence would lead to another fight. Every time he would try to look toward Yuuri and Yuuri turned away, his heart would break further.

In the end, he stayed behind at the rink. When Yuuri came back, he did not look more rested. He shot an inquiring look toward Minako who shrug her shoulder. Taking his courage in his hands, Viktor walked toward his skater and gave him a hug. The journalists started to take millions of pictures of them enlaced.

In his ear, he murmured, “Let me help you. I don’t know how, but let me be close to you.” Yuuri did not return the hug, but he did not push him away either, which was a big victory for Viktor.

Then, the Free Skate started and Minako had to return in the stands. As Yuuri was in the first position, he was going last. With each skater, he looked more and more anxious. His calm for the day before was completely gone. Viktor could see that the clamours from the stands were making him more anxious. He took him by the hand and left the changing room.

They walked in silence until they reached the parking lot. From there, they could only barely hear the noise from the rink. Viktor was happy that Yuuri was wearing the earplug that Minako had given him. He was already in bad shape from fainting the night before and barely sleeping. He did not need the stress from the competition on top of that.

Suddenly, a clamour came from upstairs. Viktor looked up in surprise. ‘Someone must have given the performance of their life.’ He looked toward Yuuri to ensure that he was still concentrating when he saw that he had taken the earplug off and looked hopeless.

Viktor ran to him to cover his ears. He was desperate. There was no way if things continued the way they were that Yuuri would be ready to compete in less than half an hour.

“Don’t listen!”

Yuuri made a strangled noise and dropped the earplug to the ground. 

“Viktor. It is nearly time. We need to go back.” He pushed Viktor’s hands off his ears.

Viktor, lost in his thoughts, ignored Yuuri’s comment. ‘How can I motivate Yuuri? Skaters have a heart of glass and I could try to break it, but I fear the consequences. I need to find a way to reassure him, but how?’

Words came out of his mouth without thinking. “I should take responsibility. I let your diet this way and now you may faint again. After this competition, I will resign as your coach. Minako will bring you the gold you deserve.”

As soon as the words had come out of his mouth, Viktor regretted it. He wanted to wait after the competition to tell him that. Such a revelation before a performance would not help Yuuri in any way.

Viktor had expected Yuuri to start yelling at him or running away. He did not expect the tears that came out of his student’s eyes, falling without control.

“I… I… I… was just trying to… I mean… I wanted to… be perfect… I knew you would coach a piggy. I knew that to win I had to look like you or Yuri. I didn’t think.” His voice became stronger. “I am used to being blamed for my failures. I did not want my failures to reflect badly on you. Since you came to Japan, people online had been wondering why you had chosen the fatso from Japan. I wanted to prove them wrong. To prove I was worth your time. I know you want to quit… I know I am not good enough for you…. but”

“That is not true,” interrupted Viktor. “I want to stay close to you. I want to help you. I want to be a better coach for you. Tell me how I can help and I’ll do it.” Viktor wanted to say the three most important words to him, but he knew Yuuri was not ready to hear them.

“Just have more faith in me than I do.”

“I do. You will win,” said Viktor before taking Yuuri in his arms for a hug that was, this time, reciprocated.


	20. Chapter 20

In a slightly awkward silence, the two skaters walked back to the rink. Viktor had a hand on Yuuri’s shoulder, but they were not speaking. The journalists, who usually would have jumped on the occasion of catching the pair’s displays of affection, were staying quiet. 

A thunder of applause resonated in the arena when Georgi finished his emotional performance. Yuuri knew that it was his turn, so he tried to breathe deeply and take back the control of his emotions. While the sweepers were cleaning, he entered the rink. Yuuri did not know if he wished Viktor was a more conventional coach, like Celestino and was able to offer last advice or if Viktor’s eccentric coaching was the reason why he was able to perform like never before. Yuuri pocked Viktor’s head and shuffled his hair, both to apologize for his breakdown and because he could not resist touching the silky hair once more.

When his name was announced, Yuuri skated to the middle of the ice and took the starting position. When, with the beginning of the music, Yuuri raised his arm in the air, Viktor realised that Yuuri’s free skate costume was not as it was supposed to be. It had been designed to be well adjusted at his waist, creating a contrast with the loose sleeves. However, because of the weight lost, the corset-like colourful centre was moving with the movement. Viktor hoped that Yuuri’s concentration would not be disturbed by this change.

When Yuuri performed perfectly the quad-double toe-loop combination, Viktor allowed himself to breathe calmly once against. Then, he lost himself completely in Yuuri’s performance. It was the best performance Yuuri had ever done. His jumps and steps sequences were perfectly timed with the music and not even his touched down or his overturned were able to take from the magic of Yuuri’s performance. 

Then, Viktor’s breath is caught in his throat when Yuuri, instead of taking off from the outside edge of his left foot, place his feet in a setup his could recognize anywhere. Yuuri jumped and rotate four times in the air. Even though Yuuri did not land the jump, the crowd exploded in cheers. Viktor was shocked on the side of the rink. His signature move. Yuuri had performed his signature move. On the ice, Yuuri performed the last spin and with the last notes of the music took the final position. Viktor knew that he was not at the right place. As a coach, he should have been next to the rink exit, ready to walk with his skater to the kiss and cry. However, his feet were rooted to the ground. He still could not believe that Yuuri had tried a quad flip, his quad flip, as the final jump. ‘Even I never tried that’ he thought.

Suddenly, he saw that Yuuri was looking at him like he was trying to determine if Viktor was happy or angry of the program change. Overjoyed, he ran toward the rink exit, ready to give Yuuri the biggest hug. Yuuri, on the ice, skate toward him with less grace than usual in his hurry. Their eyes not leaving each other.

“I did great, right?” exclaimed Yuuri. But Viktor knew that it meant instead ‘You are not going to leave me, right?’

Not able to read his coach, Yuuri had a stiff smile. His heart was beating fast in his chest, both because of the performance and because of his desire of making Viktor proud.

Then, Viktor did something that he had never done before, he completely forgot Yakov’s teaching about controlling his impulse and jump on the ice to kiss Yuuri on international television. Before closing his eyes, Viktor saw Yuuri’s eyes open in shock when Viktor’s lip touch his own. For a moment, Viktor feared that he had read everything wrong and that Yuuri would push him off in front of 30,000 people and even more at home, but his fear calmed immediately when he felt Yuuri reciprocate to the kiss.

“It was the only thing I could think of that would surprise you more than you have surprised me,” whispered Viktor while saying ‘I love you’ with his eyes.

“Really.” ‘Me too’

The crowd that had become quiet when Viktor jumped on the ice suddenly came back to life. The journalists and photographs also came out of their shock and started taking millions of pictures of the couple on the ice. Lost in their world, Viktor and Yuuri could have stayed forever on the ice, but Yakov cleared his throat reproachfully and the illusion of being alone in the world disappeared. 

Viktor stood up and took Yuuri’s hand to help him back on his feet, not that it was necessary. Hand in hand, they walked to the kiss and cry to wait for Yuuri’s score. Viktor put and arm around Yuuri’s shoulders and Yuuri relaxed in his embrace. Viktor was happy that Yuuri felt comfortable enough to allow such public display of affection, but there was also a sense of dread as the last time they were in the kiss and cry, Yuuri had fainted.

“Are you ok?” murmured Viktor in Yuuri’s ear.

Viktor felt more than he saw Yuuri’s nod and relaxed once again.

“His total score after the free program is of 284, 95. With less than a point behind Phitchit Chulamont, he is now in the second place. This concludes the Single Men Competition. The medal ceremony will start in half an hour.”

Hearing the scores said out loud by Morooka-san, Yuuri did not open his eyes. He felt protected in Viktor’s arm like if nothing could touch him. He felt like all the energy he had disappeared. He wished he could just fall asleep here and ignore the world. However, Viktor had other ideas. Without taking his arm away from Yuuri’s shoulders, he stood up and guided Yuuri to the changing room. 

Entering the room, a bottle of green substance appeared in front of Viktor who took it without thinking. He looked up and saw that it was from Christophe. ‘A protein shake for Yuuri’ he thought mouthing thanks to his best friend who replied with a wink and walked away in silence. He gave it to Yuuri without a word.

In the changing room, all the journalists surrounded them and started yelling questions upon questions. Viktor wished there was a place where Yuuri and he could discuss in private, but even in the side of the changing room reserved for the skaters, there was no way they could have a private discussion without being overheard.

They both dutifully answer the journalists’ questions, Yuuri in a calmer way than Viktor, but looking more energetic now that he had drunk the shake. The bell announcing the beginning of the medal ceremony rang in the room. Viktor cursed under his breath, he had hoped that they would have finished the questions before the ceremony and they could escape as soon as the ceremony was finished. However, there was still half a dozen still yelling questions.

The ceremony happened without any issues. Thousand of questions, hundred of pictures, the dozen of selfies that immediately went on Phitchit's Instagram and a medal later, the pair were finally ready to leave the arena and return to the hotel.

Finally, in the calm of their room, they sat down on the couch. Yuuri was clearly not at ease. He was sitting his back straight like a tree, his hand on his knees. He looked extremely stiff, like a convict waiting for his sentence. Viktor came closer to Yuuri and started to rub his back in gentle circles. Slowly, but surely, Yuuri started to relax in Viktor’s embrace. Viktor took a deep breath. He knew this discussion would be hard for both of them, but he knew they needed to have it. He knew that things could not continue like they were.

“Yuuri. I love you.”

Yuuri took a sharp breath in surprise. While they both declared their love on the ice, it was different hearing it, but Viktor did not let Yuuri’s reaction stop him.

“Yes. I love you. You were magnificent on the ice today. But, we cannot continue this way. You are slowly killing yourself.” Yuuri seems ready to interrupt, but Viktor did not let him. “You have a problem. As an athlete, you cannot eat that little. You are going to destroy yourself.”

Yuuri started crying silently.

“I know. Minako-sensei made me realise that. I just wanted to be perfect… For you… For me… I wanted to prove myself to the world…. I wanted to show that I wasn’t just a pig. That I could be graceful… that I could make you proud.”

Viktor hugged him.

“Yuuri. The first step is to know we have a problem. Then, we will work on healing together.”


	21. Chapter 21

Their flight was not until late in the evening, so the two lovebirds went sightseeing. Viktor wanted to go see the Forbidden City and the Temple of Heaven. The last times he had been to China, Yakov had monitored his every movement and stopped him from visit anything, instead forced him to use all the time available to practice.

They had hoped to spend the day together, but that was not possible when both Phitchit and Christophe were in the same city or even country as them. They had managed to leave the hotel and go eat a small, but healthy (it was still the middle of the season) breakfast without being caught by their respective best friends. However, they had been in the Forbidden City for less than an hour when an over-enthusiastic squealing Phitchit hugged Yuuri from behind. Christophe was following few metres behind, smiling apologetically to Viktor.

Yuuri could have sworn that he had lost few years of his life when his best friend had jumped on him unannounced. When living in Detroit, he had become used to Phitchit’s energy and had lived slightly on edge expecting to be hugged at all time, but here, surrounded by thousand of other tourists, he had been caught by surprise. Nevertheless, he happily turned around to return the hug. Yuuri put his face in the crook of Phitchit’s neck and lost himself in the embrace. While the feeling behind the hug was different, Yuuri lost himself for few seconds in the feeling of security he felt in Phitchit’s arms. Even thought Phitchit was three years younger than him, he had always been there for him, an over dynamic protector in a world full of social interactions. 

Viktor, not as used to Phitichit, had been quite confused by the sudden appearance.

“How? How did you find us?” he said looking puzzled.

Phitchit took his cell phone and waved it toward Viktor a big smile on his face.

“Don't underestimate my stalking skill,” he said tongue-in-cheek.

Viktor was even more puzzled by his statement and looked at Yuuri, who finally let Phitchit go, to get more information, but Yuuri just shrugged.

“I stopped asking years ago.”

They spend the day walking together in Beijing; Phitchit, talking non-stop with information about each touristic spot they saw, looked more like a guide than a tourist. They met Leo and Guang-Hong for lunch and this time Viktor stayed completely dressed.

However, the glorious day had to come to an end and around 4 pm Yuuri and Viktor return to the hotel to pick up their luggage they left in the depot and went to the airport. Unlike when they came to China, they arrived early at the airport and went through the security without rushing. 

.o0o.

After a five-hour plane ride, a two-hour train ride and a forty-minute taxi ride, the couple finally arrived back at the onsen. Throughout the trip, they had held hands, not caring if this public display of affection was the only necessary confirmation for all around of this newly discovered relationship. However, in front of the onsen, they started to wonder if this was the best way of declaring their relationship to Yuuri’s family. They had been extremely supportive of Yuuri’s lifestyle and passion, but would they accept their relationship. Since the arrival of Western culture, Japanese society had been extremely heteronormative and Yuuri knew that in a small town like Hasetsu he would be most likely the only openly gay person. 

Yuuri looked at their interlaced hands, but before he could make the decision of separating their hands, the front door opened and Hiroko came out. She, in her usually soft way, walked toward her son and without a word put her hands on top of their hands. She smiled sweetly at them, her face becoming even softer than usual. 

“Werucomu in famiry, Vichan,” she said. Then, she turned to her son and said in Japanese, “If you chose him and love him, he is family. I don’t care if he is a man and a foreigner if he makes you happy, then you father and I are happy.”

Yuuri let go of Viktor’s hand to hug his mother, tears coming out of his eyes. He had not expected her to accept him so easily. Even though Viktor had not understood what Hiroko had said, he had understood that here in Yutopia they were accepted and did not need to hide and for that, he was extremely glad.

After the emotional return home, the couple went upstairs in Yuuri’s home to have the long needed discussion. Viktor knew that they were tired, but it was the first time in days where they were in a private space where Yuuri would be comfortable enough to have the discussion. He let Yuuri unpack his luggage and then said. “Yuuri, we need to talk.”

Yuuri stopped moving, his smile sliding off his face as soon as he had heard the words coming out of his boyfriend’s mouth. He sat down on the tatami and nodded.

They talked for a long time, discussing Yuuri’s horrible eating habit. Viktor tried his best to be completely non-judgemental, but sometimes tears would escape his eyes when he heard the person he loved talking so badly of himself and telling how much he had suffered in the last months. They talked about what they needed to do now and how they would ensure that Yuuri would not only have the proper nutrition from now on but also how they would make up from months of nutritional deficits. When Viktor discovered that one of the reasons why Yuuri had managed to eat so little for so long was because he had been in charge of his meals and left unchecked by everyone, he stood up to go tell Hiroko. It had been only Yuuri’s tears and cries that he did not want his mother to worry and forced Viktor to sit down again. They made a deal that they would keep it for themselves as long as Yuuri would respect the plan they had made and that Yuuri would always come to talk to his boyfriend when he was feeling unworthy. When Viktor admitted that he was not feeling able to be the only one aware of the problem, Yuuri had agreed to let Minako know. 

Then, after two hours of painful, but necessary discussion, they feel asleep in each others’ arm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I will need some help from people who are good with social media for a part of this story. I am not on most SNS and I am horrible with them, so I don't really know how crazy fan are acting on them. If you would like to help me, please say so in the comment or come talk to me on tumblr (I just joined because I lost a bet with a friend) at assurancetourix23.


	22. Chapter 22

The next two weeks passed by without either Viktor or Yuuri realising it. The preparation to go to Russia for the Rostelecom Cup combined with the trials and errors of the new eating plan that they created with Minako used all the free time they had. On their return from China, Viktor and Minako had had a heart to heart conversation that led to complete forgiveness between the two parties. Viktor had apologized for his behaviour and Minako had recognized that Viktor was not at fault. As a ballerina, she had seen so many of her friends and colleagues suffering from eating disorders that it had been easier to recognize the warning signs and Viktor, even as Yuuri’s idol and the most medalled skater in history, was just a novice in coaching.

Yuuri was still adamant that his parents should be kept in the dark about his problems. They had so much to worry about with the onsen and he did not think it would be fair to impose such a stress on them.

Since their return, Yuuri had agreed that he was to eat always in the company of either Viktor or Minako and that he had to be open on his hunger’s level. Minako had been clear that forcing Yuuri to eat was the best way of ensuring that Yuuri would hide and maybe even start to purge. Yuuri had to at least eat something at each meal with different food groups. While he was no longer allowed to input his meals in the cell phone, Viktor was now in charge of knowing exactly what Yuuri was eating. The first week, he had the goal of eating a minimum of 500 calories. Now, in the second week, he had to eat at least 600 calories per day.

Minako said that as long as Yuuri was respecting the plan, his body would become used to eat again and they would be able to slowly increase the calories goal until it was healthy once more. 

The road to recovery was extremely hard. In the last two weeks, both Yuuri and Viktor had cried when, because of stress, fear, anxiety or pressure, they would break and be extremely cruel to each other. However, all of their fights had been resolved by a discussion when they were calm again and long minutes of cuddles.

On the day before their departure to Russia, Viktor and Yuuri had had the worst fight. The night before, Yuuri had gotten the permission from Minako of eating alone if nobody was around to eat with him. Yuuri and Viktor had been overjoyed; such authorization was an important step for them. 

That day had started badly with Viktor oversleeping and then leaving in a hurry for his weekly tourist visit. With the absence of his coach, Yuuri had decided to go for a run before breakfast with the intention of eating when he came back. However, when he came back, things had happened and he forgot to eat. First, it had been his mother asking for his help with moving the tables in the common room. Then, Mari had asked Yuuri to help clean the men’s bath. When he had come back to the kitchen to finally eat his breakfast, Hiroko was in the middle of cleaning the floor and he could not walk inside for another hour. Waiting for the floors to dry, Yuuri had gone outside to do some muscle training and with things leading to others he realised that it was already eleven and he still had not eaten breakfast. He was not feeling hungry, so he decided to wait for lunch.

Two hours later, Hiroko called her two children inside for the midday meal. After the China Cup, Minako had told her that it would help Yuuri if she was in charge of her son’s meals once again, but only if she was following the strict menu designed by Viktor and Minako herself. Hiroko had been slightly confused but had agreed. Yuuri had always eaten her cooking without problems, but she had guessed that the higher level of figure skating that Yuuri was striving for with Viktor has a coach was needing more sacrifices.

According to the menu, Hiroko had been supposed to give to Yuuri some boiled sole with green and a small side dish of rice, but she was feeling like spoiling her darling son, so she made karaage instead. As a child, Yuuri had loved karaage and while it was not katsudon, she knew it was one of his favourites. The smell of the spices and the oil was perfuming the kitchen, creating the home feeling she was determined to provide to her family and guests alike.

Mari had cleaned the hallways all morning, her hands in a bucket of cold water and Yuuri had spent the morning training outside, so when they kneel down at the kotatsu, they sigh in relief while the hot air warmed their legs up. The inn was pretty cold at this time of the year. Living in Kyushu meant that the temperature was never falling under zero, but it also meant that central heating was non-existent. Each guest room had a personal heating device creating enough warmth to no die of hypothermia, but the hallways were freezing. 

Hiroko put down the plates in front of her children and when Yuuri saw that it was karaage instead of boiled fish, he prepared himself to protest to his mom, but Mari hit him in the leg to silence him.

“Mom had been busy all morning and it is not like Karaage is going to kill you. Shut up and eat,” she said throwing him a dark look.

He looked down ashamed of himself and started eating. The vegetables were as tasteless as usual. Boiled instead of fried, they had all the nutrients, but none of the calories or taste. The smell of the karaage was making his mouth salivate. He remembered his childhood, going to buy Karaage bento at Hotto Motto before running to the ice rink. He smiled a bit down in a piece of karaage. The sensation of the oil exiting the piece of chicken brought him out of his memory. He could feel the hot oil dripping in his throat. He started coughing, his appetite completely gone. The calorie for once piece was nearly 100 and he had at least seven in his plate. There was no way he would be able to eat that. He could already see the fat accumulating on his body. How could his mother do that to him? He rapidly finished the vegetable and the rice. Before his mother could come back to the table, he put down his chopsticks and said “gouchisosamadeshita,” before exiting the table. He completely ignored Mari’s protest of him leaving the table so early and her threats of stealing his karaage.

After lunch, he went to the Ice Castle to practice with Nishigori. On days where Viktor was leaving to explore, Yuuri was doing off-ice training. As much as Yuuko and Nishigori had been skaters, they were not qualified for giving advice and Viktor had feared that they would accidently give wrong advice, which would ruin weeks of practices.

They all went back to the inn when the sun had already set. When they opened the door, they could hear Viktor and Minako’s boisterous laughs in the common room. There were at least twenty people sitting down in front of the TV cheering on Sagan Tosu and Minako was attempting to explain soccer to Viktor who had never cared about any other sports that figure skating and possibly hockey during the Summer Olympics.

When Yuuri saw Viktor, his actions of the day came back into his mind. He had broken his promise to both Viktor and Minako on the first day when he had their trusts. He suddenly could not look at his boyfriend in the eye, so he turned his eyes toward the ground and sat down at a different table, as far as possible from Viktor without being obvious. However, Viktor had become better had reading Yuuri, especially when he was lying or hiding something and knew immediately that something was wrong. Giving a look to Minako who immediately understood, he stood up and went to sit next to Yuuri.

“What’s wrong?” he quietly asked him.

“Nothing”

“Yuuri. Tell me.”

“Nothing is wrong. I’m fine,” said Yuuri with a bit more strength than he meant.

All the guests turned toward them looking worried because even though they could not understand the English, they understood that something was off between the couple. Yuuri forced a reassuring smile to the guest who went back to the game easily, but Viktor was not as gullible. He took Yuuri’s chin between his fingers and put a hand on his cheek. 

“Talk to me,” he whispered lovingly. “What’s wrong”

When he saw that he could not get anything from Yuuri, Viktor changed the subject. 

“What did you eat today? Was it good?”

Minako had said that they had to help Yuuri find his love of food back and this is what Viktor had been trying to do by asking the question. He had not expected the murmured explosion.

“Can we not talk about food once in a while?”

“You know why we are talking about food,” said Viktor, his eyes getting smaller in suspicion. Yuuri was clearly avoiding the subject of food and from experience, that was never good. “Yuuri did you eat all your meal today?”

“Of course,” replied Yuuri looking anywhere but at Viktor.

“Don't lie to me.”

“I’m not,” he said still avoiding Viktor’s eye.

“I need to be able to trust you. People have lied to me all my life. You cannot lie to me. I trust you. You cannot be like all of them.” 

Viktor had tears in his eyes when he put his hand on Yuuri’s shoulder. Yuuri was feeling horribly guilty at his lies, but he could not push himself at telling the truth fearing that Viktor would leave if he knew that he could not be left on his own for even one day.

“I see. You’re like the others. I can’t trust you,” said Viktor before leaving the common room to go back to his room. 

He had only left the room when the tears escaped his eyes. He closed them trying to stop the flow that way, but it did not work. He brushed them off with his left hand and climbed upstairs. He suddenly felt the need to talk to his best friend, apparently the only person he could trust, but he knew that he could not call Christophe because he would still be at the ice rink. He lay down in his bed in the foetal position, quietly crying himself to sleep.

In the common room, Yuuri was devastated and started sobbing uncontrollably. Minako got up to hug him while simultaneously glaring at the other guests daring them to say even one thing. Using English to avoid being understood, Yuuri confided what happened of his ballet professor. Minako’s hands gripped Yuuri’s shoulder with more strengths than usual for a second before getting back in control. She tried to comfort him, but Yuuri was not listening, only repeating that Viktor would leave him. After few minutes of crying, Minako was getting tired of the stare from the other guests, so she forced Yuuri on his feet and brought him to his room.

In front of his room, Yuuri turned toward Minako and told her that he wanted to be alone. Unsure if it was a good idea, but also unwilling to forced herself in Yuuri’s privacy, she nodded and told him that she would be downstairs until the end of the game and possible later if he wanted to talk. Yuuri closed the door and unconsciously mirrored Viktor and cried himself to sleep.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See notes at the end for the translations.  
> Or put your cursor over the number and the translations will appear. (still did not master the footnotes)

Hours later, Viktor woke up his eyes sticking together. The room was dark; through the curtains, he could see the night sky perfectly. The moon was only light from illumining the room. He raised a hand to his cheek confused then he felt the dry tears. Suddenly his memories came back to him. Yuuri was exactly like the others, always lying.

A sound from his phone distracted him from his dark thoughts. Christophe had liked the selfie he had taken at Ohori Park earlier that day. His hands trembled slightly, his knuckles turning white from the force he was using to grip his phone. If Christophe was on Instagram it meant he was done practice. He took a deep breath and searched his contacts. His fingers shake while pressing the Facetime button under Christophe’s name.

The ringtone was extremely loud in the quiet inn. Viktor hurried to grab a pair of headphone before anybody, especially Yuuri his next-door neighbour, could wake up. After less than three rings, Christophe answered. Even though he had told himself that he would not cry again, just hearing his best friend’s cheerful voice completely broke his resolve and tear ran on his cheek noiselessly, but uncontrollably.

Christophe became immediately worried. “Viktor, what’s wrong?” he asked his voice full of concern.

Viktor started telling him about how Yuuri had lied to him, about how he was not trusted, about how he did not feel like he was the good person to help him. Viktor had rambled for nearly half an hour, often switching back to Russian without realising it. Christophe had listened to him quietly, letting him empty his heart without fear of judgment. 

“Chéri, qui est-ce?” said a man in the background. [[1](%E2%80%9C#note1%E2%80%9D)]

“Viktor, mon chou.”[[2](%E2%80%9C#note1%E2%80%9D)]

“Ah, Viktor! Long time no see! How are you?” said Stéphane, Christophe’s boyfriend, in a strong, but adorable French accent. When he saw the tear, he turned to Christophe and spoke in fast French.

 “Qu’est ce qui se passe? Pourquoi pleure-t-il?" [[3](%E2%80%9C#note1%E2%80%9D)]

Tu te rapelle de Yuuri, le patineur japonais?

“Ah oui! Son copain. Celui qu’il a embrassé devant le monde entire.”[[4](%E2%80%9C#note1%E2%80%9D)]

 Christophe threw a look to Viktor who nodded giving his approval to tell Stéphane about Yuuri.

“Oui. Viktor vient de decouvrir qu’il se bat contre l’anorexie.” [[5](%E2%80%9C#note1%E2%80%9D)]

Stéphane’s smile slid down his face. Anorexia was destroying another skater, just like him. He remembered the long months he tried to fight all by himself before Christophe had found out. A ball formed in his throat making it hard to swallow or breath. Stéphane knew he was close to crying, but he did not want to. A warm arm appeared around his shoulder and he lay down in the embrace. Christophe had always been there for him and he would always be.

Seeing this silent act of support started Viktor’s tear once more. Would Yuuri ever trust him as much as Stéphane seemed to trust Christophe? Stéphane took the cellphone from his boyfriend’s hand and requested more information. Viktor told them what happened in a calmer and more ordered manner, Stéphane asking questions every once in a while.

“Trust isn’t built in a day, or even few months. You’re telling me dat Yuuri was a fan or yours for years before meeting you? Clearly ‘e is going to fear dat ‘e was disappointing you. You need to make ‘im realize that you’re human, a guy likes every oders. You need to open up to ‘im. Tell ‘im about you moder. Don't be de man ‘e saw on television for years.”

“I don't want him to hate me.”

“E loves you. ‘e won’t stop just like dat. If you want ‘im to trust you, you need to trust ‘im. I know it is ‘ard, at first I always wanted to be perfect in front of Chris and because of dat dere was a wall between us.”

“That's true. You need to build a relationship of trust with Yuuri. If he feels that no matter what he says to you, you won’t leave, he will stop trying to hide things from you. He will stop lying. You need to talk to him and find out why he lied yesterday.”

They continued discussing different strategies that work for the Europeans couple and Stéphane help Viktor understand what could happen in the head of someone suffering from anorexia. Christophe told him the hardships that they persevered through as friends and as a couple to help him have a better idea of was could come to him.

It was already three in the morning when Viktor finally hanged up, not without both Christophe and Stéphane asking him to call whenever he needed support and Stéphane telling him to give his number to Yuuri if he needed to talk to someone who knew exactly what he was going through. He felt at peace once again. He wanted to go talk to Yuuri immediately, but it was the middle of the night. He slid down on his bed and put on the Russian lullaby playlist he used whenever he was finally homesick. In less than a song, he was fast asleep. 

The next morning, Viktor woke up when the light from the opened window hit his eyes. From the soft noises coming from the room beside him, Viktor knew that his usually late-sleeper of a student was already awake. Taking a deep breath to find the courage within him, Viktor left his room and went to knock on Yuuri’s door.

In less than a minute, Yuuri opened the door, his eyes opening wide in surprise of seeing Viktor there, smiling. Without waiting for the permission to enter, Viktor stepped into the room, grabbing Yuuri’s hand in passage and dragged him behind. He sat down on the already-made bed and gesture to Yuuri to do the same.

“You know that Yakov practically adopted me?” When Yuuri nodded, he continued “My father died in a car accident a week or so before my birth. My mom raised me by herself and everything was fine until… how can I say… she found refuge in alcohol.”

 Yuuri gasped.

“We did not have money problems, my father had left us enough money to live even with an expensive hobby like skating, but when I was twelve the money ran out. I started getting sponsorships from companies around Russia and I became the breadwinner of the family. She was not able to go to work anymore. She got fired more often than I can count. When I won the Junior Grand Prix, she started to get better, or so I thought. I thought she found a job again, but instead, she lied to me, leaving every morning to spend the day at a bar downtown. She stole the money I won from competitions and spent it on alcohol. Often, the landlord would threaten to throw us out because we would not have the money to pay the rent. I had to learn to hide money from her. Often, she would promise to come to my competitions, but she never showed up. Every time, I would believe her, trust that she would sober up and come. What a stupid child I was.”

 Tears started to drop from his eyes. Yuuri hugged him, not controlling his emotions either.

“One day, we really ran out of money. We didn’t have money for food or heating or hydro. I would have showers at the rink and eat whenever I was able, stealing food from my rink mates’ lunches. It was Yakov who realised that something was wrong. He took out of my mother’s house and I lived with him and his wife Lila for the next few years. When I turned twenty, I moved out from their house, but they are still the people I consider my parents and not the woman who gave birth to me.”

“Viktor. I…”

Don't interrupt me. I need to tell you or... or I’ll lose courage.” He took another deep breath and continued “When I won my second gold medal, people around me started to lie to me as often as my birth mother did. I became a celebrity and people tried to get close to me for my money. People from around the world would fake everything to become my ‘friends’. A girl even told the press that she was pregnant with my child after a one-night stand to make me marry her. Lies. Everything was a lie. I stopped believing in anybody, except Yakov and the Russian skating team. So, Yuuri. Don't lie to me. Please. I beg you, Don't lie. I love you. I want to trust you and you to trust me.”

“I am so sorry Viktor. I didn't want to lie to you. I just… I just… didn't want to disappoint you. I skipped a meal yesterday and could not even finish my lunch. I failed you. I cannot be trusted. As soon as you left me alone, I went back to how I was. I didn't improve. I thought that if you didn’t know, it wouldn’t hurt you. I’m sorry.”

“Yuuri don't hide anything from me. I’ll support you all the way. I want to be there for you when it is hard. I want you to trust me. I know I am not the most reliable person, but trust me.

The silent tears turned into loud and ugly sobs. Yuuri hugged Viktor tightly, not trusting his voice. For long minutes, they cried together, feeling closer than ever before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some translations (from French)  
> Chéri, qui-est-ce? Darling who is it?
> 
> Viktor, mon chou. - Viktor, darling (well literally it means my cabbage or my chou cream... it's a term of endearment.
> 
> Qu’est ce qui se passe? Pourquoi pleure-t-il?” - What's happening? Why is he crying?
> 
> Tu te rapelle de Yuuri, le patineur japonais? -You remember Yuuri, the Japanese skater?
> 
> Ah oui! Son copain. Celui qu’il a embrassé devant le monde entire. - Ah yes, his boyfriend. The one he kissed in front of the whole world?
> 
> Oui. Viktor vient de decouvrir qu’il se bat contre l’anorexie. -Yes. Viktor just discovered that he's fighting anorexia.
> 
> If my description of the French accent made is hard to read, here is Stéphane's speeches:
> 
> “Trust isn’t built in a day, or even few months. You’re telling me that Yuuri was a fan or yours for years before meeting you? Obviously, he is going to fear that he was disappointing you. You need to make him realize that you’re human, a guy likes every other. You need to open up to him. Tell him about you mother. Don't be the man he saw on television for years.” 
> 
> “He loves you. He won’t stop just like that. If you want him to trust you, you need to trust him. I know it is hard, at first I always wanted to be perfect in front of Chris and because of that there was a wall between us.”


	24. Chapter 24

An annoying mosquito was disturbing Viktor’s sleep with its irritating buzzing sound. It was then Viktor realized that in the beginning of November, there was no such thing as mosquitoes. He opened his eyes and looked around to figure out what was the noise that was disturbing his rest. He suddenly realised that, with all the emotions, he had forgotten to take his phone of the silent mode the night before and his phone was now attempting to wake him up.

He turned toward Yuuri who, apparently, had decided that putting his pillow over his head in an attempt of drowning the buzzing sound was a perfectly legitimate action. Viktor smiled at his cute fast asleep boyfriend and kissed him.

“Wake up, sleeping beauty.”

“Urusai”

Viktor smiled at Yuuri’s use of Japanese to tell him to shut up. He thought that barely awoken Yuuri was hilarious, his normally quite demeanour and politeness apparently not present after less than five hours of sleep.

Viktor started to kiss him on his cheek and neck until Yuuri could not stop himself from giggling. Viktor made a mental note that his boyfriend was ticklish. Yuuri finally opened his eyes and smiled at Viktor. He sat up in the bed and after a slight hesitation closed his eyes and lightly kissed Viktor who felt his heart burst of happiness.

Yuuri turned red at his sudden bravery and before he could run away from Viktor and into his room to hide, Viktor took him in his arms and hug him.

A sudden knock at the door stopped them.

“Viktor? Is Yuuri with you? He does not seem to be in his room and his phone is making a ruckus.”

Yuuri turned even redder when Viktor answered that yes Yuuri was in the room with him. Then, he started wondering why both Viktor and himself would have bothered to out alarms so early in the morning. Then, there was light. Blood drained from Yuuri’s face.

“Viktor, the Rostelecom Cup! What time is it? Oh crap, I did not finish to pack.”

Yuuri tried to stand up to quickly and tripped over the blanket that had slid off the bed. He would have fallen face first, but Viktor caught him.

“Relax. I’m nearly done packing myself. I’ll finish and come help you. We still have nearly two hours before we need to leave. We’ll be fine as long as we don’t panic.”

Yuuri exhaled to calm himself and after one last simple kiss on Viktor’s cheek, he stood up and went to his room. When he opened the door, he saw that Mari was still there leading on the wall, looking at him with an eyebrow raised and the look of ‘I know everything’ that all older siblings seem to have mastered plastered on her face. He ignored her and walked toward his room.

In his room, he changed out of the clothes he was wearing the day before. He was walking to his closet when he saw the scale in the corner of his room. Yuuri felt like the scale was looking at him with derision, mocking him for not respecting the diet. He started walking toward it and turned it on before shivering and looking away. He knew perfectly well that he was not allowed to weight himself more than twice a week and that today was not one of his weighting days. Not wanting to tempt faith again, Yuuri took his dirty clothes and covered the scale. ‘Out of sight, out of mind’ he thought before turning to his closet once again to dress up.

He was just done when Viktor entered without knocking and started to pile clothes and other necessary items on Yuuri’s bed. In a well-oiled routine, they packed Yuuri’s luggage in less than fifteen minutes with at least a double check to ensure all important elements were there.

They went downstairs to eat with Yuuri’s family one last time before the tournament. On the table, Hiroko had put a full traditional Japanese breakfast with fish, rice, natto and miso soup. They sat down at the low table and started eating. Viktor's Japanese had become better in the last few months, but it was still not enough to actively participate in the conversation, especially when Toshiya, with his strong Saga-ben, was involved. So, he just let himself be lulled by the flow of the conversation, knowing just by the tone of the voices that Mari and Yuuri were bickering and by Hiroko’s laugh that the bickering was about something stupid.

Then, a notification on his phone distracted him. He looked at it and was amazed that he had not only thought of putting an alarm the night before but also a reminder to leave twenty minutes before the time that had decided to leave the inn. He turned toward Yuuri and was proud to see that he had eaten nearly all of his meal, just leaving few bites of rice in the bowl. Viktor gestured to the rice to ask if he was done and when Yuuri nodded they both exclaimed “goushisousamadeshita” before leaving the table.

They were both out of the door in record times and unlike when they left for China, Viktor had managed to keep his goodbye to Makkachin to fewer than twenty hugs. They caught the bus and the train without any difficulty and arrived at the airport two hours before their flight.

.o0o.

When they finally exited the Sheremetyevo International Airport, at least fifty journalists and two hundred fans with posters and pictures of Viktor were waiting for them. After a ten-hour flight, Yuuri could not believe that Viktor could look so refresh and ready for the photo-op. He pulled his hat lower to hide his eyes and rounded his shoulders to look inconspicuous. He would have managed to escape all attention if Viktor had not called his name when he was nearly at the door.

Yuuri swore under his breath and turn toward his boyfriend trying to control the urge of slap him or strangle him. All the cameras were now on him, the flashes blinding him. He smiled shyly at them, but when the journalists started yelling questions upon questions in multiple languages, he turned on his heel and walk toward the luggage area hoping that his lack of answer would not be interpreted as rudeness.

Viktor seemed to understand that he made a horrible mistake as he just smiled apologetically to his fans and followed Yuuri without answering any more questions.

He found Yuuri with their entire luggage on a chariot hiding in a small corner.

“Sorry. I didn’t think.”

Viktor hugged him tightly and Yuuri felt all his anxiety evaporate instantly.

In the taxi, they created their match plan. Viktor would take all the attention on himself while Yuuri would register them and go upstairs hopefully without being seen.

Unlike during the China Cup, Yuuri was not friendly with any of the other skaters, with the possible exception of Russian Yuri. So, they did not have plans to go out with them. Yuuri was happy for that as the only thing he wanted to do after such a long travel was to eat a small dinner and cuddle with Viktor in the hotel room. He just had to find the courage within himself to say that out loud.

The plan worked exactly as planned and Yuuri managed to reach the elevator before meeting anybody. Then, he avoided the conflict that seemed to arise between the Italians siblings and the Korean skater whose name he could not remember by ducking in the second elevator. He would have managed to go up to his room without any conflict if Yuri would not have arrived at the moment the doors were closing. Yuri scowled at him and yelled insults.

Viktor swore that it was Yuri’s way of expressing love or at least respect to others, but Yuuri was not sure to believe him. He tried to make small talk but to no result. Finally, at his floor, Yuuri left the elevator dragging both his suitcase and Viktor’s and did not see Yuri’s worried look.

Not long after he was done unpacking, Yuuri heard soft knocks on the door. He opened the door and step aside to let Viktor enter. The Russian threw himself on the bed looking exhausted, an arm over his eyes.

“Do you want to go eat supper with the other skaters? I would rather stay here and order room service, but I understand if you want to go explore the city with the others.”

Yuuri smiled and joined Viktor on the bed, rejoiced that he did not have to convince Viktor to stay inside.

“You’re reading my mind.”

Viktor moved on the side to make space for Yuuri and they cuddle for a while before Viktor’s stomach made itself known. Viktor blushed before sitting up in the bed to grab the menu of the night table.

The entire menu was in Cyrillic and Viktor started translating everything for Yuuri before he put a gentle hand on his coach’s arm to interrupt him.

“I trust you. Make me discover Russian cuisine.”

Viktor smiled, warmth growing in his stomach both because of the trust and because it was the first time in months that Yuuri had shown interest toward food, and grab the phone to order in horribly fast Russian their meal.

They did not have wait long before a member of the hotel staff knock at their door with serving of borsch, a serving of Shashlyik and a serving of blini.

Viktor had wanted to also order medovik honey cake, but he knew that it would have been too much for Yuuri. He did not want Yuuri to start wondering how many calories were in each plate, so Viktor told story upon story about Russian meal and his unsuccessful attempts to cook them himself when he had first moved out of Yakov’s house.

His distractions seem to work perfectly as Yuuri ate a relatively normal amount and seemed to enjoy it.

After finishing their supper, Viktor and Yuuri took a small shower before returning to bed. Viktor turned on the television and tried to find an English station without success. Yuuri laid down next to Viktor who put his arm around his shoulders.

“Don't worry about an English station,” said Yuuri, “I’m really tired and I won’t stay awake long anyway. I’ll just practice my Russian until I fall asleep.”

Viktor nodded and zapped for a little while until he found a station airing a soap opera he had been watching before leaving for Japan. He had no idea who half the characters were any more or whom they were dating, but he had always enjoyed watching it mindlessly after a long day at the rink.

Yuuri snuggled closer to Viktor, whose hand started caressing Yuuri’s hair, losing itself it unruliness. Yuuri was asleep before the first add break.


	25. Chapter 25

The next morning, when Yuuri woke up, he felt surprisingly good with no signs of the usual jet lag plaguing the beginning of each of his competitions abroad. He sat up in the bed, a warm smile appearing on his face when he saw Viktor still deeply asleep, his silver hair all over his face. He tried to exit the bed without waking him up, but a sudden cracking noise stopped him in his attempts. Viktor turned on his back and pulled the blanket over his eyes to protect them from the morning light. Yuuri found Viktor’s childish actions extremely endearing, as it was extremely rare for Yuuri to be awake before the horrible morning person that was his boyfriend.

“What are you doing awake?” said a voice from the bundle of blankets. Viktor’s accent was stronger and his voice rougher in his half-awoken state.

“Just getting ready,” replied Yuuri while leaving the warmth that both the bed and his boyfriend had been providing.

A grumble and sigh later, Viktor’s head appeared from the bundle, his hair even messier and full of static that a few minutes earlier.

“You can say in bed while I get ready, you know?”

A string of Russian, something like ‘I’m awake, I’m awake’ guessed Yuuri, escape Viktor’s mouth and with a swing, he left the bed and started getting ready to got downstairs for breakfast.

Two hours later, after eating a fast but nutritious breakfast, they were leaving the hotel to go to the rink. Under Christophe's advice, Viktor had brought the protein shakes for Yuuri to drink after the practice and the performance.

The practice went without a mistake and Viktor could often lose himself in his boyfriend’s performance, his body creating music in the silent arena.

Yuuri was launching himself in a jump, a triple axel when Viktor saw the slight tremor in his left leg and gasped. Yuuri's leg must be getting tired and in his state it would be bad to keep pushing. By a miracle, Yuuri landed the jump, even though he had under-rotated and hand to put his hand on the ice.

“Yuuri, come here,” yelled Viktor no paying attention to the strange looks he received from the other skaters and coaches. He had to get Yuuri off the ice before he would injure himself.

Without a word, Viktor gave Yuuri his skate protectors and with a sign of his head indicated to Yuuri to leave the rink. On the ice, Yuuri seemed for a moment thinking about ignoring his coach and continue practicing, but deep inside he knew that Viktor had a good reason for asking him to ignore his practice time. He followed him to the changing room and did not blink when another protein shake, red this time, appeared in his hands.

After leaving the arena, they both went back to the hotel to rest. Some of the other skaters would stay at the rink or try to rent practice time in another one, but Viktor had been adamant that Yuuri did not need it, but needed rest instead.

Whenever Viktor would say things like that, it was hard for Yuuri to believe him. It took all his trust and confidence that Viktor was doing everything for his own good to be able to ignore his desire and need to practice until his stress disappeared or until exhaustion got to him, whichever arrived first.

Cuddling on Viktor’s chest and listening more to his heartbeat than to the Russian dialogues of another cheesy daytime soap opera, Yuuri was slowly lulled into a deep sleep. Viktor smiled at his sleeping boyfriend, softly caressing his black hair. He was slightly uncomfortable, his head resting on the hard wall and losing blood circulation in his left arm, but did not want to move in fear of waking him up. Then, without realizing it, he also fell asleep.

.o0o.

The time of the competition finally arrived. Viktor and Yuuri had arrived at the rink exactly two hours before the performance giving them enough time for the last practice, but as little time as possible in which journalists or fans would try to talk to them ruining any peace Yuuri had managed to build within himself.

Yuuri was the fourth skater to perform and enjoyed being not the first for once, not having the stress that came with such a position. Viktor had taken good care to keep him away from the rink and isolated from the cheers and comments that could have brought back his extreme anxiety.

When they finally entered the rink, the crowd started cheering Viktor’s name as if he was the one getting ready to perform and not Yuuri. Viktor stopped looking at him, his attention on the cheering assembly, waving, smiling and winking at them. A jealous side that Yuuri did not know existed within him suddenly came out and he grabbed Viktor’s necktie. The crowd gasped and stayed silent.

“The performance has already begun, Viktor,” whispered Yuuri in Viktor’s ear, his forehead resting on Viktor’s. “Keep your eyes on me.”

Yuuri skated away while the presenter announced his name and country. He went to the middle of the rink and took position waiting for the music to start.

When the guitar notes resonated in the arena, Yuuri started skating, giving an air kiss to the judges. He entered his usual difficult step sequence exactly with the music.

Yuuri was giving a performance of Eros without a fault, the animosity in the arena giving him the boost of confidence he needed to perform at his best and convince the entire crowd both physically present and watching on television that he was good enough for Viktor. While he still had difficulty understanding why Viktor would stick with him, with all his problems, he had fewer and fewer problems getting into the character of the seductive woman of his Short Program.

In the middle of his program, Yuuri started feeling exhausted, a feeling he was not used to have during a Short Program. He knew he still had five jumps to do, but already his legs were feeling heavy. Once more, he lost himself in the music and in the story he was telling and manage to finish the performance without falling.

His usual stamina had always been exemplary, but his horrible eating habits had taken a toll on his body. Yuuri suddenly realised how severe things were for him. He had known that starving himself was a bad idea in the long term, but somehow it had seemed adequate to do it for few months. He had never thought that the consequences would be so severe.

In perfect synchronisation with the last note, Yuuri finished his program and the crowd cheered, giving him a standing ovation, the hostility that had been present before was now completely gone. Flowers and plushies were thrown on the ice all around him and on the way out, he grabbed a cute tempura and a sushi plushies. Leaving the rink, he walked by Yuri who was getting ready to skate his Agape. Viktor was waiting for him at the door of the rink, for once where, as a coach, he should be. They smiled at each other and Viktor put his arm around Yuuri shoulder, getting ready to give him support if he needed. Yuuri whispered that he was feeling fine, but he still felt Viktor giving him a protein shake on the way to the kiss and cry. He dutifully drank it all waiting for his scores.

Yuuri could not believe it, another personal best. Before this season, he had never scored above 100 points for a short program and with Victor’s guidance, it was now the second time in just one year. He pinched himself on the arm to make sure he was not dreaming. When the pain confirmed that he was awake, Yuuri looked at the score once more and saw it written clearly: 109.97 points. Then Viktor did something only he would do on international television and kissed his skate. Yuuri smiled at Viktor’s weird, but endearing actions.

After a smile encouragement to Yuri who was now on the ice, they were both dragged into the changing room by journalists wanting to interview them. They thus missed the two next performances and were only informed that Yuuri was in third place after the short programs by a question from a Russian journalist.

They were both getting ready to return to their hotel when Yuuri’s phone started ringing. He was confused about who would call him today of all day. Everyone he knew would have known he was in the middle of a competition and thus basically unreachable. He took his phone from his pocket and frown when he saw Mari’s name on the caller ID. Knowing that Mari would never call him for nothing, he took the call. His eyes grew wide in shock and his breath caught in his chest when he heard what Mari was saying.

Viktor, a metre or two away, stopped in the middle of an answer he was giving to a journalist when he saw Yuuri’s horrified face. Before he could ask what was wrong, Yuuri walked toward him.

“Viktor, you need to return to Japan immediately. Makkachin is at the vet and needs a surgery. I will face tomorrow’s free skate by myself.”

Viktor face became as horrified as Yuuri’s. Makkachin, his loyal companion for eleven years, could die while he was in another country. At the same time, his student-boyfriend needed him and he did not want to leave him alone. Never before, Viktor had wished it were possible to cut him in two and be in two places at the same time. Never before, he had been forced to choose between the two most important people in his life. Viktor’s heart was split. He did not  
know what to do, his usual confidence completely gone.

Then, Yuuri took the decision for him.

“You need to go back. I wasn’t there for Vicchan and I regret it to this day. I won't let you make the same mistake.”

“But I can't leave you alone.”

“I’ll be fine. I promise.”

“Yuuri. You know you won't. You need someone. Can you promise me you will be able to stay calm and focused? That you’ll remember to eat properly? With what happened a few days ago when I went to Fukuoka, can you promise me that if I’m not there with you, you’d still eat?” whispered Viktor to make sure that nobody could hear around them.

Yuuri lowered his eyes to the ground. He wanted to say yes that he could promise that, but he knew that it would be a lie. Viktor knew that perfectly well. Yuuri’s heart broke in his chest. Once more his stupidity would make like hard for Viktor. Like if he could hear the dark turn Yuuri’s thoughts were taking, Viktor softly took Yuuri’s chin between his finger and forced him to look in his eyes.

“I’ll be ok. Makkachin will be ok. We will leave here as soon as you are done performing and everything will be fine.”

Then, in the corner of his eyes, Viktor saw Yakov entering the changing room followed by Yuri and Lilia.

“Except if…” he murmured before taking off in a small run toward his former coach.

“Yakov! You were always the only coach for me.”

“You want to come back,” he sarcastically said, “Not going to happen.”

“I need you to become Yuuri’s coach for a day.”

“What?” he said surprised, echoed by Yuri and Lilia.

“I need to go back to Japan immediately. Makkachin is sick and is going to be operated on tomorrow. But, I can leave Yuuri by himself. Can you look over him?”

Normally Yakov would have immediately refused. He was only coaching Russian skaters, but there was a panic look he had not seen in Viktor’s eyes since his mother had left him years ago. He could feel himself nod, agreeing to Viktor’s request to the surprise of everyone around and his own.

He took Viktor by the elbow and dragged him to a private room where they could talk far from listening ears.

“Explain,” asked Yakov in a voice that was expecting the full truth and nothing less.

Viktor hesitated for a second, but when he saw Yakov frown and opening his mouth to possibly refuse to coach Yuuri, the words escaped Viktor’s mouth. He explained Yuuri’s struggle with anxiety, with anorexia. He explained the steps he had taken, who was aware of Yuuri’s problem, who were their allies and then he explained what happened the day before their departure for Russia and how he was not feeling confident with leaving Yuuri by himself. Somewhere in his explanation, Viktor had started crying and in a gesture that was neither common nor expected, Yakov had hugged him. The times Yakov had shown affection in another way than yelling from the side of the rink could be counted on the fingers of one hand, but everyone in the Russian national figure skating team knew that Yakov would always be there for them. That even thought they were the most disobedient students that had ever skated, they were all his non-biological children.

“I’ll give him a pink bracelet and everyone on the Russian team will look after him.”

“Thank you so much. What would I do without you?”

“You love him, right?”

“Yes. I do.”

“He loves you?”

“I think so. Why?”

“Then, he is going to be part of the family sooner or later. It will just be sooner. Go to Japan without worries, we will take care of your boyfriend. Call us when you have news of Makkachin.”

Notes

In this chapter, there is a reference to RobinPlaysTrumpet15's story [Pink Bracelet](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8739532) that I would recommend. It is one of the multiple stories that constructed my head cannon of Yakov being the father figure of the Russian skating team.

For people who have not read the story, the bracelet system is one that Yakov uses when skaters under his care are dealing with issues such as sickness, self-harming, or in this case anorexia. There are different levels of bracelet orange, yellow, blue and pink according to the severity of the case. Pink is the most severe.


	26. Chapter 26

Snap!

Yuuri looked confused when, not more than five minutes after Viktor had left through the security doors, Yakov had snapped on his wrist a bright pink bracelet. The bracelet was made of strong plastic and would have looked less out of place on the wrist of a vacationer in a Cuban all included hotel than on the wrist of a professional skater during a competition.

He looked at his temporary coach hoping for an explanation, but his expectations were not met when Yakov just turned around demanding Yuuri to follow him back to the car.

They drove in silence, the only sound in the car coming from the radio playing Russian pop songs. Yakov was clicking his tongue every once in a while in annoyance and Yuuri could not figure out is Yakov was annoyed at him or at the music.

Even though Viktor had told him that Yakov was a father figure, Yuuri could not see it with Yakov’s severity and permanently displeased expression. Every time Yuuri had seen Yakov in competition, he was either yelling at his skater or silently ruminating. 

While Yuuri did not understand the lyrics of the song, he could still feel that the songs were at the same level of cheesiness as AKB48. He wanted to change the song, but could not bring himself to move, sure that if he did, Yakov would throw him out of the car.

When they finally arrive at the hotel, Yakow gave the key of the rented car to the valet and turn toward Yuuri before he could have escaped to his room.

“Go back to your room and be ready to go eat supper in thirty minutes.”

“You do not need to change your schedule for me. I will be all right.”

Yakov briefly looked at the pink bracelet before shaking his head.

“For the next 48 hours, you are my skater and you will behave the way I expect my skaters to behave. We are all going to eat at eight and I expect you to be in the lobby at least ten minutes early.”

“I understand,” answered Yuuri while bowing to Yakov.

Viktor always thought it was hilarious when Yuuri’s Japanese habit to bow came back, but Yuuri could not imagine not bowing to Yakov who made him feel he was in front of the principal of his school once again.

When Yuuri looked up, Yakov was already few meters away. Yuuri scrambled behind him to get change before meeting the rest of the Russian team.

The ride up the elevator was even more awkward than the car ride. Yuuri was really happy to finally arrive at his floor and even happier when he discovered that Yakov was not on the same floor. He rushed out of the elevator and walked with a dynamic step toward his room, only slightly slower than running.

Finally, in his room, he undressed throwing all his clothes in the corner of the room, right behind the small love seat. He opened the closet and took out his suit. With not official banquet at the Russian cup, he had not thought to bring them, but Viktor at said “you never know you could need it”, so he had rolled his eyes and brought it with him and was now really happy to have listened to Viktor. 

He pulled on his dress pants and tried to close them around his waist, just to find that they were not closing. Yuuri’s breathing stopped in his throat. His fingers, trembling, went to touch his stomach and poked it hard. Yuuri could see his finger get swallowed in the fat that started accumulating there. His heart started pumping hard in his chest. He had difficulty breathing. His knees collapsed under him and he felt nauseous. He knew he had gained weight in the last two weeks. He knew that he was eating too much. Yuuri grabbed his hair by the fistful. His breathing getting faster and faster, but the air was not reaching his lungs. He could see black dots appearing in his vision. 

He wanted Viktor. 

He wanted his boyfriend embrace. 

He wanted his boyfriend’s calming voice.

But Viktor wasn’t here. Viktor was on his way to Japan. He was far, far away and Yuuri alone, so alone.

Then, his phone started ringing. Yuuri did not want to answer; he could not answer. Without breathing, there he had no voice. He looked to the screen to press the ignore button when he saw the caller ID: Viktor.

His trembling finger pressed the talk button and Viktor voice resonated in the room.

“Yuuri, I just wanted to check if everything was all right. I just got on the plane and in the next few minutes, I’ll have to turn off my phone. The next time I’ll be able to talk with you will be tomorrow morning, so I just wanted to talk to you.”

“Hel..”

“Are you back at the hotel? Was Yakov nice to you? Have you met the rest of the team?”

“Help… help… m…. me.” 

Yuuri breathing made it nearly impossible to pronounce the words and his voice was so quiet that he was sure Viktor could not hear it at the other side of the line.

“Yuuri? Дерьмо! Yuuri, listen to me. Breath. Inhale…. Exhale… inhale… exhale…”

It took few minutes, but Yuuri got his breathing under control. His throat was still feeling weird, but the black point had disappeared from his vision.

“Thanks, Vitkor. I’m all right now.”

“What happened? Do you want to talk? I’ll get out of the plane, wait a second.”

“No! I’m okay now. Stay on the plane and go see Makkachin. It was stupid anyway.”

“Makkachin is not more important than you.”

“It is stupid. Forget about that.”

“Yuuri. You just had a panic attack. Tell me what happen. If you don't I swear I’ll get out of the plane. We talked about that. We need to tell each other everything.”

“I know. I just don't want to disappoint you.”

“You won’t I promise.”

“It is stupid, but please don't laugh.”

“I won't”

“I just realized how much weight I gained. I cannot fit in my trouser anymore. I… just didn't realize before. I… am even fatter than went we met.”

“Oh Yuuri, дорогой. You are not fat. You remember in China, we put a safety pin to hold them. You are just slowly going back to a healthy weight. Don't worry. You are beautiful.”

Yuuri could feel tears coming up in his eyes, but did his best to keep them from flowing.

“What are you plans tonight?”

“I am going to eat with the Russian team. Do you think they will like me? Do they speak English? I know Yuri does, but how about the others?”

“Mila has the best English. She actually listened in school. Georgi, you know him, he does too. Anastasia speaks somewhat, but I don't think her partner Mikhail does. They will love you. You just have your normal sweet self. Where are you going to eat? When are you meeting them?”

“I don't know where we are going. I’m meeting them in the lobby in…” Yuuri looked at his phone before yelling “in five minutes! Bye! I need to go!”

Yuuri could hear Viktor’s laugh on the other side of the line before he cut the line. He ran around his room to get dressed. He finally saw the safety pin Viktor had talked about and took it off. His trouser suddenly was awfully slack, threatening to fall off his hips ate every step his was taking. He put back the pin to secure his pants, but not to stop him from breathing.

In less than three minutes, he was out of his room. He ran to the elevator and pushed the button to go down. He looked at his watch and saw he now only had a minute to get downstairs. He pushed the button multiple times, willing the elevator to get to his floor faster. When the doors finally opened he was happy to see nobody in it. He pressed the button and waited for the doors to close. He looked at his watch, 45 seconds. The doors closed painfully slowly and then the elevator started its unhurried descent to the ground floor. 

30 seconds.

Third floor.

15 seconds.

First floor.

5 seconds.

At long last, the door to the lobby opened. Yuuri did not know anybody in the Russian team except Yuri and Yakov, but he could neither of them in the lobby. He left the elevator and started walking around the lobby. He looked at his watch. He was on time, maybe just, but he was not late. Could they have left without him? Could Yakov have forgotten about him?

He looked at his phone to see if he had missed a phone call from Yakov while he was talking to Viktor, but there was no notification. He sat down on a couch in the lobby, his back straight, looking all around to find someone he knew.

Minutes passed, but nobody was in sight. He took his phone from pocket to text Viktor, hopefully, his phone would still be on, to ask Yakov’s number when a voice resonated in the lobby.

“You're on time?”

It was Yakov. He looked surprised. He mumbled something in Russian under his breath “с каких это пор хоть кто-то начал приходить вовремя?”

“Um, yes? You told me to be here at ten to eight?”

If anything, Yakov looked even more surprised by Yuuri’s answer. He sat down beside Yuuri and started to read a Russian newspaper. They waited together in silence for ten minutes. Yuuri had started to fiddle with his phone, not on the Internet as he had promise Viktor to not look at the social media, but on a nonsensical game, the triplets had convinced him to download.

He completely stiffened where warm arm hugged him from behind.  
“Hello, Yuuri. Nice to finally meet you! Viktor talks about you non-stop since he moved to Japan,” said a female voice with nearly no Russian accent.

He turned around and saw Mila, with her petite figure and red hair she was instantly recognizable. He stood up and bowed mumbling an introduction.

“Adorable” she squeaked. “Tasha! Misha! We are here!”

A couple arrived beside them. The woman was tall, taller than Yuuri, with long blond hair and grey eyes. She was thin and beautiful. Her makeup was perfect and she was faintly smelling of roses. The man was just slightly taller than her, his shoulder pretty large; his brown hair was stylishly messy and he had a beard that made him look extremely masculine. His face did not have the same joy as Mila’s and Tasha’s. He actually looked pretty grumpy and angry. When he saw Yuuri beside Mila, he gave him a murderous look.

Yuuri squeak when the man looked at him, his back getting straighter and stiffer. Then, Mila said something in Russian that Yuuri could not understand, expect that he though she said his name, or it could have been Yuri’s. The man’s face suddenly transformed. The enormous smile, Yuuri believed he could see each and every tooth, made his face look childish and joyful. The man said something in Russian before hugging Yuuri in his strong arms. Yuuri stiffened and took few second before awkwardly returned the hug.

“He thought you were annoying me,” said Mila. “Where are Yura and Gosha?”

“Yura is with his grandfather and last time I checked Gosha was crying because Anya posted a new picture.”

Yakov slammed his newspaper shut and yelled: “someone texts him to tell him that he has five minutes to stop crying and be in the lobby or we are leaving to eat without him.”

Mila took her phone and text Georgi who finally appeared a minute before the end of the ultimatum.

They all left the hotel lobby twenty-five minutes after the time Yakov had given him. When they arrived at the restaurant Yakov gave his name to the hostess.

“We are only five minutes late for the reservation. Well done, well done,” said Mila a smile in her voice.

Yuuri looked at his watched. It was already 8:35. Yuuri was really confused. If the reservation was at 8:30, why had Yakov told him to be in the lobby for 7:50? The restaurant was not even ten minutes away from the hotel. 

They sat down at a long table. Yuuri was sitting between Mila and Yakov. Everyone was speaking fast in Russian if Yuuri had to guess; he would say they were teasing each other. The atmosphere was friendly but had no idea where he was fitting and he started feeling extremely awkward being the only non-Russian at the table. Yuuri started playing with the cuff of his suit, trying to distract himself from the dark thoughts he was having.

Then, a menu appeared in front of his eyes. Glad for an excuse to not be part of the discussion, Yuuri opened the menu before everyone else. His smiled disappeared. The menu was entirely in Cyrillic and this time Viktor was not there to translate or to choose for him. He did not who to ask. Yakov was scary. Georgi, the only person he had met before that evening was at the other side of the table. Mikhail did not speak English. Mila and Anastasia were unknowns. Would they help him or would they make fun of him? Viktor had said they were nice, but Viktor was also the five-time Grand Prix gold medalist who trained with them forever. Yuuri tried to remember what Viktor had ordered the day before. Maybe he could ask for the same thing and hope they had it on the menu.

Yuuri quietly sighed and closed the menu. Staring at it would not make him fluent in Russian. Yuuri looked at his phone. 8:50. Viktor was now high in the sky and completely out of reach. ‘Maybe I could google translate “same as her” and hope for the best?’ But that meant talking in Russian in front of native speakers and Yuuri knew there was no way his mouth would be able to pronounce anything without completely destroying it. He did not mind embarrassing himself trying to pronounce the name of the Moscow airport in front of Viktor when he had been teasing him but in front of the entire Russian team… in front of the people who Viktor loved and respected…. No way.

Yuuri, lost in his head, had not realized that the conversations around him had died down. The team had stopped talking in order to read the menu. They were still completely oblivious to the storm happening in Yuuri’s head. Unable to keep his hand still, Yuuri started to play with the cuff of his jacket once more.

Mila was the first to choose was she wanted to eat. She closed the menu and turned to talk to the Japanese man who Viktor loved. She smiled. He looked so cute, innocent. He looked really stressed and she wondered if they were that scary. She would have guessed that Viktor was the more intimidating of them, but he had looked confident with him earlier at the rink. She wanted to interrogate him, but she had sworn to both Viktor and Yakov stay on her best behaviour. 

If Mila had to compare him to an animal, it would have been a mouse, especially with the way he tried to make himself small and invisible and the way he was constantly fidgeting. She was going to start talking to him in a low and gentle voice when something bright pink on his wrist stopped her in her tracks.

She roughly poked Anastasia in her ribs, who turned toward her ready to yell unkind words to her. Mila silenced her with a look and with her nose she indicated Yuuri’s wrist.

When Anastasia saw the pink bracelet, which was getting more and more visible with each fidget, her face made a silent and surprised ‘o’. She was getting ready to kick Mikhail in the ankle when Yakov gave them a stern look. While the Look stopped her from hitting Mikhail, it also confirmed their suspicions. The bracelet was not an unrelated bracelet that happened to be pink, but it was one of Yakov’s bracelets, with everything that came with it.

Mila put a hand on Yuuri’s who once again stiffened at the contact.

“Are you ready to order?”

Yuuri stayed silent.

“Can you even read Russian?” 

When Yuuri did not answer but instead tried to make himself look smaller, Anastasia understood.

“I see. Cyrillic is complicated when you are not used to it. I’ll translate for you.”

She started to describe every item on the menu, giving funny descriptions with Mila helping. The two girls were really funny and they were not even at the end of the appetizers section when Yuuri could not stop himself and started laughing out loud.

When they finally arrived at the end of the menu, Yuuri’s cheeks were hurting because he had laughed so much. All the names of Russian food were mixing in his head and he still had no idea what he wanted to eat.

“I’ll just take whatever you’re taking,” he told Anastasia, “It will be simpler.”

“Tisk! Tisk!” she said a smile in her voice, “You are just taking the easy way out, but I understand. I wouldn’t want to talk Chinese in front of you. The only thing I know in Chinese is Nihao and I’m pretty sure I am saying it all wrong.”

Yuuri did not know if he should tell her he was actually Japanese and not Chinese. He was used to it, people in Detroit were confused all the time. However, before he could think of correcting her, Mila did it for him.

“He isn’t Chinese you idiot. He is Japanese.

“I’m so sorry!”

“No problem. It happens all the time, but to your question, I don't speak Russian. Not really anyway. I can say like four words and I can only write my name.”

“I’m sure it is more than what Viktor can do in Japanese,” teased Mila.

“No, no, no. Viktor is actually pretty good. He already learned two of the three alphabets and can hold small conversations if we are speaking slowly.

“Good for him,” said Anastasia while returning her attention to the menu for few seconds.

“Wait! What? Three alphabets? Why three alphabets? How many letters are there in Japanese?”

“Well, there are 46 hiragana, 46 katakana and more than 3000 kanjis. Well, you can actually say we have four alphabets because we also use the roman letters sometimes, but you already know them.”

They all looked at him like a second head had grown on his shoulders.

“Why do you need so many? How do you memorise all of them?”

“They all have their own use. I guess it looks complicated for you, but it makes sense for me.”

“And Viktor is voluntarily learning them?”

Yuuri laughed at their puzzled expression.

“My mother and father don't speak English, so Viktor has been learning. Every once in a while, he gets sick of memorizing kanjis and swears he won't anymore, but he always picks the book up again and continues.”

A sweet smile had appeared on Yuuri’s lips at the mention of Viktor and his home. The Russian team could see the love in his eyes and once again they could see why Viktor had fallen in love with this man. They swore they would protect him, from others who could try to hurt him, but mainly from himself. His nationality notwithstanding, he was now part of the Russian skating family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Russian translation
> 
> с каких это пор хоть кто-то начал приходить вовремя? - since when are people actually on time.


	27. Chapter 27

Viktor was watching a movie on the plane. At least, he was trying. Two hours in the movie he had no idea who was the main character or what the movie was about. His mind could not focus on the screen in front on him. Even though he knew he had left Yuuri in Yakov’s care who was way more experienced than him on the issue of an eating disorder, he could not stop himself from worrying. Yuuri and he had finally managed to create a system of trust and he was betraying it by leaving Yuuri in a foreign country. At the same time, he needed to see Makkachin.

Viktor passed a hand in his hair ruffling it even more. He closed his eyes trying to fall asleep at the sound of the movie, but his mind decided otherwise.

He took his phone from his pocket and opened the photo app. Makkachin as a puppy. Makkachin playing in the water in St-Petersburg. Makkachin on the couch sleeping. Makkachin on the front steps of Yutopia. Makkachin sleeping in the common room with Yuuri.

His breath caught in his chest and he felt like a hand was squeezing his heart. Makkachin and Yuuri, the two people he loved the most in life were suffering in two different continents and he had to choose between them. While he knew people surrounded him, he felt horribly alone.

He turned off the movie, there were some explosions and the main character (?) was running for his life while crying for a reason or another, and chose the classical music channel attempting once more to fall asleep.

He turned and turned in his seat trying to find a comfortable position. After what seems to be an hour, Viktor started to finally slip into Morpheus’ arms, his body feeling heavier and heavier. Then, a polite voice shook his out of his trance asking “macaroni or rice?”

Viktor’s eyes shot open and he saw a flight attendant smiling at him. While Viktor was angry with the flight attendant for her unnecessary wake-up call, he still plastered a smile on if face to answer he prefers macaroni, after living in Japan for months he could not eat instant rice anymore.

Viktor ate his meal, the macaroni being just slightly overcooked, and tried to go back to sleep. However, the sleepiness he had felt just minutes before had completely evaporated. He looked at his watch and sighed when he saw they still had at least four hours before landing.

Sighing again, he looked into his bag to find something to distract himself. He picked up his Japanese textbooks and started studying. He had been studying for less than an hour when sleep finally caught to him and he fell asleep and did not wake up until landing.

When the plane finally touched down in Fukuoka, Viktor was exhausted and want to deliberate the idea of renting a room in the city instead to taking the train to go directly back to Hasetsu. He could hear Yuuri’s voice complaining about useless expenses, but he did not know if his body would make it back to the small seaside town. He walked in a zombie-like manner out of the baggage area trying the gather the force of taking the train back home when a voice saying his name in a strong Japanese accent drug him out of his half-awake state.

“ Came pick Bikutoru-san up. Come come. This way is car,” said Toshiya with a big smile.

Viktor bowed to express his thanks to Yuuri’s father. Even though they had not the same friendly relationship that Viktor and Hiroko had and they had barely talked in the six months Viktor had been living in their house, Toshiya had always been kind to him, always there to help.

Toshiya grabbed Viktor’s luggage out of his hand and, no matter how much Viktor tried to protest, did not let it go.

In the car, nobody was talking, but, like always, it was a comfortable silence. They drove on a small countryside road near the ocean, the waves crashing on the sea wall every few minutes. Right before they enter the city, Toshiya broke the silence.

“First, want to go onsen ka? Pet hospital ka?” (1)

“I want to check on Makkachin first, then the onsen. Is that ok?”

“Ok Ok.”

They arrived at the vet a few minutes later and without waiting for the car to make a full stop, Viktor got out and ran to the entrance. Mari was sitting in the left corner of the waiting room, playing on her phone.

“Is Makkachin all right?” asked Viktor as soon as the door opened.

“Makkachin just got out of surgery. We will know in few hours if she is fine when she wakes up.”

“Can I see her?”

At that moment, a woman in a long white blouse came out of the back door. She spoke in fast Japanese to Mari and Viktor could not understand more than “Katsuki” and “Makkachin”. He wondered for a second if this lack of understanding was from his tired state or if it was because the people speaking Japanese to him were just too nice and spoke extremely slowly.

“こちらへどうぞ, ” said the veterinarian while showing the door to her left. (2)

“She said to follow her. She would bring you to Makkachin.”

Viktor bowed to Mari, grateful for all she did for him and for Makkachin in the last twenty-four hours. He followed the lady in white in the back of the hospital. While the waiting room had been colourful and welcoming, the back really resembled a hospital with white walls and the smell of disinfectant.

She opened a door which had a kanji written on it. ‘That’s the one for big’ though Viktor, ‘or is it the one for dog.’ (3) On the other side of the door was a big room with at least twenty cages lined up against the wall.

Most of the cages were empty and Viktor’s eye caught immediately on the one pet he was looking for. In the third cage from the left, Makkachin was sleeping. She seemed so peaceful; absolutely not aware of the panic she gave to her owner.

“How is she? When is she going to wake up? What will be the aftermaths?”

Under the barrage of questions in English, the woman’s eyes became wild in panic.

“Can’t English. Sorry.”

Viktor sighed and asked his questions again in his rough Japanese, not having the energy caring about keigo or any type of grammar. He just wanted to know what was happening with Makkachin.

In slow and careful Japanese, the lady explained what had happened and that the surgery went extremely well, especially for such an old dog. She said that she was really hopeful for Makkachin’s full recovery, but that they would not know anything until morning when the drugs were out of her system and she woke up.

Viktor’s knees nearly went out under him in relief and it took all his self-control to just thank the vet in a calm voice. He went to caress his dog one last time and left the clinic.

Mari and Toshiya were still waiting outside. Without a word, they all climb into the car and went back home. In less than ten minutes they parked the car at the inn and Viktor directly went upstairs to his room. He, more than thirty-six hours since he woke up in Russia with Yuuri, finally crashed down in his bed and slept.

.o0o.

Yuuri’s alarm seemed even more cruel than usual the next morning. On his first day in Russia without Viktor and without Viktor’s relentless attempts to wake him up when Yuuri would ignore his alarm, Yuuri had put his alarm twice as loud as usual to make sure he would wake up in time to meet the Russian national team. His body seems strangely refreshed. He had become accustomed to having Viktor’s arms around him to fall asleep and he had feared not falling asleep without them, but, tired from the short program and the emotions of Viktor’s departure, Yuuri had fallen asleep at the moment his head touched the pillow.

He got out of bed and put on a black tracksuit and left the room. Arriving in the lobby at exactly 8 o’clock as they agreed the night before, Yuuri did not know if he was supposed to be surprised by the absence of the Russian team. It was the second time in two days that the Russians were not on time. He sat down on one of the couch and once again started playing a game on his phone to waste time until their arrival.

“What are you doing here so early, fatso.”

A voice made Yuuri jumped and he nearly dropped his phone on the ground, his heart clenched at the insult. He looked up and saw Yuri, his usual scowl on his face.

“I… am meeting the Russian team…well your team… at… eight…here.”

“You idiot. Eight, Russian time, is at least 8:15.”

Yuuri’s mouth dropped open in surprise, making him look more like a fish out of the water than a professional figure skater. This did not make sense and was going against how Yuuri had been raised. Also, Viktor, who was clearly Russian, was always on time and always complaining when Yuuri overslept and made him wait ‘like Aeroflot’.

Yuri crashed down in a seat near Yuuri and started playing with his phone, not willing to talk more. So, Yuuri took his phone out and continue playing the game he had started.

Yuuri was nearly done another level when a hand grabbed his wrist and pulled on it. He looked up to see Yuri’s frown deepening at the sight of the pink bracelet that had appeared from under the black sports sweater he was wearing.

“Why are you wearing that?”

“What?” answered Yuuri confused.

“The bracelet. Is it what I think it is?”

Yuuri had a puzzled look on his face, not understanding what Yuri was talking about.

“I don't know what you are talking about, but Yakov put it on my wrist when Viktor left me in his care.”

“They did not explain it to you? They just put the bracelet and not explain it. What a bunch of morons.”

“What are you talking about? What is this bracelet? What does it mean?”

“Urg. How can I explain? Well, Yakov has a system for skaters under his care like us. If they have… issues… he gives them colour-coded bracelet for other people know they have issues and help them.”

“What!? What type of issues?”

“Anything really.”

“So what does that means,” asked Yuuri grabbing the pink bracelet on his wrist.

Yuri looked sad, an expression that looked extremely foreign on his usually angry face.

“It just says you are dealing with an issue that Yakov has categorized as severe. It does not say what exactly.”

Yuuri dropped on his seat, just realizing that he had stood up during the conversation with Yuri. They stayed in an extremely awkward silence for a few minutes.

“So, what do you have?”

Yuri knew he should not ask and should have waited until Yuuri voluntarily told him, but patient and self –restrain were not really in Yuri’s vocabulary.

Yuuri tried to make himself disappear from the surface of the Earth. He could see Yuri’s inquisitorial looks, but he could not bring himself to speak. He wanted someone, anyone, to be there answer Yuri’s question for him.

“I don't have anything. I’m fine,” finally said Yuuri, looking away from the Russian teen.

Then, Yuri’s temper escaped his control.

“Yeah right, you moronic pig. So that’s why when Viktor left you behind, he asked Yakov to look over you and the first thing Yakov did is to snap a pink bracelet on your wrist. Not orange or yellow, but pink.”

Yuuri made himself smaller and smaller at each word leaving Yuri’s mouth and ended up in a stance similar to the foetal position, his hands on his ears. His breathing became faster and faster until he could not control it. He knew he was having a panic attack in possibly the worst location possible, but he could not control his breathing.  
“Дерьмо” swore Yuri when he realised the impact of his words on the older skater. (4)

He looked around and saw that none of the journalists still hanging around the lobby were looking at them. He took his phone to contact Yakov and figure out what he should do. His phone on his ear, Yuri kept an eye both on Yuuri’s panic attack and on everyone in the lobby. He became more and more impatient and Yakov was not answering. After what seemed to have been an eternity, Yakov gruff voice answered.

“Yakov. Come in the lobby immediately. Yuuri is having a panic attack. At least, I think it is a panic. I don't know what to do.”

Yuri could hear rushing noises from the other side of the line.

“Is anybody around?”

“Yes. Some businessmen, a family and few journalists.”

“Дерьмо. So no allies. Try to keep him from being noticed. We don't want journalists to put their noses where they don't belong. I’ll be down in few minutes. I’ll call Mila and Anastasia.”

The line cut abruptly. Yuri felt so alone. He was just a teenager and an angry one. He had no idea how to deal with a panic attack.

The door of the hotel open and Mila rushed in. She came close to them making sure none of the journalists present was following her. She sat down next to Yuuri and put an arm around his shoulders. The Japanese man stiffened immediately at the foreign contact.

“It’s me Mila. Yuuri, breathe with me. Inhale… Exhale…”

It took few long minutes, but Yuuri finally got his breathing back under his control. He looked up shyly at Mila who still had her arm around his shoulders and thanked her. Yuri was still awkwardly standing beside them, having no idea what to do, where to go or how to help. He could see that Yakov had appeared in the lobby sometimes ago, but had not come around. Anastasia was talking to journalists in the opposite corner of the lobby, effectively distracting all of them.

With Mila’s help, Yuuri unfolded himself and sat down properly on the couch. He looked exhausted, but at least was not able to answer Mila inane questions. It was when he finally laughed at one of her comment that Yuri let himself relax. He knew he was responsible for the panic attack and did not know what to do with this knowledge. He knew he had to apologize, but the words were stuck in his throat. He cleared his throat hoping that it would help him.

“I’m sorry. I know I scared you.”  
Yuri’s eye opened in surprise. These words should have come out of his mouth and not Yuuri’s.

“No… It's my fault…” Yuri tried to say, but his throat was still constricted, “I shouldn’t have asked you.”

Mila was looking at him with an inquiring look, silently asking what they were talking about. Normally, he would have told her to shut up or at least yelled at her, but right now he felt so useless and powerless. It was Mila who manage to calm Yuuri down, not Yuri. Yuri had only managed to create this whole deal by being his usual impatient self. In Russian, he replied to her unasked question.

“I asked him about the bracelet. I wanted to know why Yakov had given it to him.”

If a look could kill someone, Yuri would have been dead instantaneously.

“I didn’t expect. I didn't know.”

Yuri was trying to stop the tears from escaping his eyes. Even though he was always putting up a strong front, he was not heartless. Mila’s look softened. It was easy to forget that Yuri was just a kid.

Yakov, who had been observing from afar after seeing the Mila had everything under control and that walking to them just increase the risk of a journalist being curious, walked toward them and gave a sign to Anastasia to finish her interview and come to them.

He looked at his youngest skater and silently asked him to explain what happened. When Yuri looked away ashamed, Mila volunteered and explained everything.

“It is not Yuri’s fault. I am mentally weak and I overreacted. I am so sorry to have caused a scene,” said Yuuri while bowing to Yakov and the rest of the Russian skating team.

They all look disbelievingly at him. In no way what happened was his fault and they could not figure out how he could even start thinking such a thing.

“We had a lot of emotion for so early in the morning. Let’s go for breakfast and then let’s go to the ring Yakov has reserved for us. Gold medals will not win themselves,” exclaimed Anastasia to whom Mila had told what had occurred.

When the other skaters started walking away, Yuuri stood up and saw that Yakov was the only one remaining.

“You don't have to tell anyone anything, but I think you should tell someone other than Viktor. You need a stronger support system. Are your parents aware?”  
Yuuri did not answer, but his silence was all the answer Yakov needed.

“Now come. There is no need to stay behind.”

Yuuri followed the grumpy coach out of the hotel and his heart swell when he saw that the entire Russian team waited for them. He walked pass Yakov and, with a courage he did not know he had, ruffled Yuri's hair.

“I can’t tell you now, but I’ll tell you tonight,” he murmured in Yuri’s ear who nodded his understanding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (1) In Japanese, ka is the addition indicating a question. For example, samui desu = it is cold. samui desu ka = is it cold?
> 
> (2) こちらへどうぞ means this way please.
> 
> (3) it is a joke. The kanji for dog is 犬 while the one for big is 大. I made the mistake once in an exam...
> 
> (4) Дерьмо means s**t.


	28. Chapter 28

With the Russian team acting as outrageously as usual and Yakov trying to ignore every one of them, the breakfast happened without any issues and in less than an hour they were all at the private rink Yakov had booked for practice.

Yuuri sat down on a bench in the locker room slightly away from Georgi and Mikhail arguing about something in Russian. Georgi was crying and Mikhail seemed a mixed between annoyed and completely over whatever Georgi was talking about. Yuuri was feeling out of place like he was eavesdropping on something extremely confidential while at the same time knowing that he could not possible eavesdrop a conversation in a language he did not understand.

He tied his skates and got ready to leave the locker room, but at the door, he stopped in his tracks. This was the private rink for the Russian team and he was clearly not part of the Russian team. Should he follow his regular schedule and try to be as invisible as possible? Wouldn't that look like he did not trust Yakov or thought of himself as superior to the Russian team? Should follow the team practice and let Yakov be his coach? Would that look like he abandoned Viktor? Would that look like he tried to take a place that wasn’t his?

Immersed in his doubts, Yuuri was not able to pull the door giving on the rink. In the background, he could still hear Georgi’s whining voice, but Mikhail was no longer talking.

Suddenly a harsh push pulled him out of his thought and his left cheek abruptly met with the cold door.

“What are you waiting for, you idiot,” said Yuri’s angry voice.

Yuuri checked if his sudden contact had broken anything, but there was no blood. He smiled at the Russian teenager but chose to not answer.

With his shoulder, Yuri pushed Yuuri out of the way and pulled the door opened. He walked out of the door. The cold air hit Yuuri with force and he shivered, his black sweater was apparently less warm than his usual Team Japan sweater. Just out of the door, Yuri wordlessly, but with a glare told Yuuri to follow him.

Shyly, but getting more confidence by having Yuri beside him, Yuuri walked out of the locker room and met the two female Russian skaters who were already warming up and stretching on the side of the rink.

Yakov walked out of the office just minutes later and started yelling in Russian. Mila and Anastasia shrugged and continued stretching. Yuri answered in an irritated tone but did not move. Yakov sighed and moved toward the men’s locker room they just left. More annoyed Russian resonated in the rink and not even thirty seconds later Georgi and Mikhail got out of the room in a hurry. Mikhail was still putting on his red and white national team jacket and Georgi only had one skate on, the other one still in his left hand. 

Mila and Anastasia started laughing at the state of their rink mates, but the fuming look Yakov threw at them stopped them immediately.

On the side of the rink, Yuuri was extremely confused, between the Russian and the eccentricity of each and every member of the team Yuuri did not know what was happening and what he was supposed to do. His theory that Viktor was the most peculiar skater in the world was getting destroyed. ‘Maybe it is in the water’ he thought looking strangely at the bottle of water he just purchased from the vending machine.

Then, the practice started and the skaters became serious, all their oddities seemed to disappear as they went on the ice to warm up. Yuuri went on the ice and started skating in slow circles around the rink to warm up, then started the usual compulsory figures. 

When Viktor had started as his coach he had been surprised to see that Yuuri was still doing compulsory figures at his level. However, he had seen how it had helped Yuuri develop his skills in the step sequences. So, not only he agreed to let Yuuri continue to do them as a warm-up, but also he started to include them in his own warm up.

Ever since he was a child, Yuuri had loved doing the compulsory figures. They were one of the only times he could lose himself in his skating and stop worrying.

Yuuri’s inner peace was disturbed when the piercing sound of a whistle resonated in the rink. The entire Russian team stopped in their tracks and skated toward Yakov. Yuuri was unsure if he should follow them. He stood immobile, shivering.

“What are you doing, pig. Come!”

He knew that Yuri calling him a pig was not out of cruelty or malice, but like always, the insult struck him in the heart. He grabbed the hems of his sweater trying to control the shaking of his hands and look like being called a pig had no effect on him.

“Yuri, language” yelled Yakov, Mila and Anastasia at a confused Yuri who did not know why they reacted so strongly, especially Mila who usually just laughed at his “angsty teenager behaviours” or pulled him into a non-consensual lift.

Yuri looked at the Japanese man and saw that he was not laughing the insult off as he had done when they were both in Hasetsu. His lips were pinched and his hands trembling. Yuri could see a pink glow from under Yuuri’s left sleeve. His stomach dropped. The only times Mila seemed to really get angry was when someone hurt one of her friends and she was even worse when the said friend was wearing a Bracelet.

Yakov’s voice brought Yuri out of his stormy thoughts. He told all of them what he was expecting them to practice and turned to Yuuri asking him to skate his free skate.

They practice and practice and practice. Yuuri was no longer used to share the rink with others, but the reflex honed in Detroit came back full force. The skater practicing a routine always had priority, so for the first hour, while he was working on his free skating under Yakov’s scrutiny, he had precedence.

Yuuri could see how Yakov brought so many skaters to the international level. After only one run-through, Yakov had thousand of comments to give him on how to improve. He could feel his performance improving at each try. If was not that Viktor was a bad coach, but because skating was so instinctual for Viktor, he had difficulty expressing himself on how to correct Yuuri. However, Yakov did not possess the warm and comforting aura Viktor had and Yuuri was starving for.

Finally, after three hours of non-stop practice, it was time for lunch. Yuuri could see that the Russian team, minus Yakov, was getting ready to leave the ice rink in order to find some food. Yuuri wondered if he could follow them, not wanting to overstep his welcome, but at the same time he did not know where to find healthy food or was able to order it if he found an appropriate restaurant.

Anastasia skated toward him, grabbed his hand and told him to come with them. Yuuri was happy that the decision was made for him. During his two first years in Detroit before Phitchit came, because of his social anxiety, he had never managed to get close to the others skaters and it was only because Phitchit had no shame in pulling him behind that he had finally made friends.

“We are going to this nice little café right beside the rink. They are serving the best borscht in town. We always go there when we are in Moscow. It’s a tradition. I hope it’s all right with you. Have you ever had borscht? Viktor is not the best cook, so I guess he never tried to make it for you. So, borsch… do you like that?”

Anastasia was speaking so fast that Yuuri did not know how she did it.

“Ah. I had some I think. It’s a red stew-soup thing?”

“Yes! It is a beet sour soup with some Smetana and dill on top. I think Smetana is sour cream in English… but I’m not sure.”

She continued talking about borsch and other Russian recipes while Yuuri was taking off his skates and putting on the big winter boots Viktor forced him to buy on their first day in Moscow. He put on his coat and finally felt warmer. He followed her outside and saw that the other had been waiting for them.

The small restaurant was not really more than a hole in the wall, but the smell coming out of the kitchen was breathtaking. An elderly woman came out of the kitchen with two bowls of borsch and put them on a table already prepared for five. She said something in Russian and everyone sat down at the table, Yuuri following a few seconds later.

When all the bowls were placed on the table, Yuuri saw that the lady had also brought a basket of warm buttered slices of rye bread. ‘That’s at least 150 calories per slice,’ though Yuuri before catching himself. He knew fully well that he should not think in these terms, but it was really hard to stop and once he knew the caloric input a food had, he could not stop thinking about it.

Putting his hands together, he murmured “itadakimasu” trying to be as discreet as possible. He did not want to put more focus on the fact he was so obviously foreign, but even after five years abroad he was unable to start eating without saying it.

However, Mila had apparently a really good sense of hearing as she immediately asked what he had said and why. Except for Yuri who, after living in Japan for three weeks, knew exactly what itadakimasu meant and was not interested in small talk, everyone looked interested at this new aspect of Japanese culture and for the rest of the lunch, they asked him questions upon questions.

When they were all done, Georgi being the last one to finish, they paid and went back to the rink for more practice. Anastasia and Mikhail were now practicing their choreography, Georgi was doing to physical training at the gym and Yuri was with Lila in the ballet studio. Mila and Yuuri were told to practice jumps together on the right side of the rink.

Mila, Yuuri discovered, was a really nice person who completely deserved her title as the second best female skater in the world. Her jumping abilities were amazing and she was trying to become the first female to master all quads.

“Yakov yells at me all the time when I practice my quads, but I ignore him. Anyway, after coaching Viktor for nearly two decades, he is used to people ignoring him,” said Mila in a conspiratorial tone, a wide smile on her face.

Yuuri smiled at her, slightly bewildered. They continued practicing their jumps alternately, giving each other critics on the execution.

Yuuri’s legs were now pleasantly burning from exhaustion, but he was still feeling horribly cold. Clenching his jaws and his hands to control the shivering and the teeth clacking.

“Are you all right?” asked Mila in a worried tone.

“I am just a bit cold,” answered Yuuri, trying to smile.

The situation would have stopped there, but by talking and smiling, Yuuri had lost control over his clacking teeth and now Mila could hear and see how cold Yuuri was. She took his hand and gasped when she felt how cold they were. She dragged him to the warm lobby, not stopping except to put their protectors on. She pushed him on a couch in the lobby and threw a warm blanket on his shoulders and another one on his knees. A few minutes later, he had a hot cup of black tea in his hands. Mila sat down beside him a cup in one hand and her arm around Yuuri giving him a bit of body heat. He felt immediately better, the shivering that had not stopped since he stepped on the ice that morning was finally fading.

Yakov, who had realized that half his skaters were no longer on the ice, came into the lobby ready to yell at them for skipping. A look at Yuuri cocooned in blankets stopped him in his tracks.

Anastasia and Mikhail having lost their coach came to see what took Yakov away. When she saw Yuuri and Mila, she understood what had happened. She forced a smile on her face.

“A break, such a good idea. Who wants tea?”

She took the last blanket and put it around her shoulders trying to make Yuuri look less out of place. She made three cups of tea and put them in the men’s hands.

They talk about everything and nothing for long minutes, all keeping an eye on Yuuri who finally stopped shivering. When they were sure that Yuuri was fine, they stood up to return to practice.

Mikhail, wordlessly, took his jacket and gave it to Yuuri. Eyes widely opened in surprised, Yuuri blushed and stammered.

“I can’t take that. You are going to freeze.”

“He’s a furnace. He’s never cold even outside. Take it or it will just stay on the side of the rink uselessly.”

“I can’t. I just can’t. I’m not part of the Russian national team, it would be insulting for me to wear your sweater and pretend I’m someone I’m not.”

They all look incredulously at the Japanese man who was apparently too polite for his own good. He would rather freeze to death over wearing the Russian jacket.

“Do you have another jacket then? Like your Team Japan one, I did not see you wearing it today.”

“I couldn’t be so insulting. Borrowing your coach, your facilities, your time and doing so while flaunting around in my national jacket. What would people say?”

If the look they exchanged earlier were incredulous, they were now even more dumbfounded. They had never thought of the PR aspect of Yuuri skating with them or of anything really. That was Yakov’s job.

“I think I have a heat-tech shirt I am not using. Would that be all right?” proposed Anastasia.

Yuuri thought for a second and slowly nodded, a thankful smile on his lips. Anastasia looked in her bag and proudly took the black shirt out of it. He took off his jacket and the Russian team got a look for the first time on his emaciated body. They miraculously managed to stop themselves from gasping. The doubt they had since the day before and the apparition of the pink bracelet on Yuuri’s wrist was confirmed.

The practice continued and while nobody pressed Yuuri to talk, they kept an eye on him to make sure to get him off the ice as soon as he showed signs of being cold.

Yuri’s return to the ice rink after his practice with Lilia spelt the end of practice. They all returned to the locker room to get changed and get ready to return to the hotel.

In the lobby, Yakov held one last team meeting and told them to go rest in their room for the next three hours before going for supper at seven.

“When I say rest, I mean it. Go take a nap or watch TV, but if you leave your room I will know,” said Yakov, glaring at his skaters.

“I don't know how he does it, but he always figures it out,” murmured Mila in Yuuri’s ear.  
After these nice remarks, the Russians started walking toward the elevator to return to their rooms. Yuuri, immobile, took a deep breath to find his courage and called Yuri’s name. Yuri turned toward him in surprise.

“If you are free, I would like to talk to you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really thought the conversation with Yuri would happen this chapter, but... I just did not want to rush it... next chapter I guess...  
> How do you think he is going to take it? Especially when he will realize that he is the last one the know...


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!  
> I am so sorry for this late update. I am at the moment in the middle of my internship (unpaid), but still working part time to... you know... pay the bills. On top of that, I was horribly sick this week... just a cold, but oh my that cold was intense.  
> I hope the Conversation will meet your expectations. I had trouble writing it... (which did not help me releasing this chapter)...  
> I will try to update as soon as possible, but maybe it will have to wait until Easter.

The time seemed to have come to a full stop. Yuuri could not bring himself to look at the Russian teenager he just called. He knew he had to tell Yuri, but it seemed to be an impossible task. Yuri was, in his strange way, a friend, someone he respected and lying to him or hiding something that important seemed to be disrespectful. At the same time, it would be so much easier. He would not have to see the disgust in Yuri’s eye when he learned how much of a failure Yuuri was.

But now there was nothing he could do. He had called Yuri. He had asked to talk to him. He had to tell him. Yuuri opened his mouth to say something, but no sound came out. He took a deep breath to try again.

“Let’s go somewhere private.”

The voice brought Yuuri out of his misery and he looked up to see that Yuri was the one who just talked. The rest of the Russian team had suddenly disappeared leaving the two Yuris alone in the lobby.

Yuuri nodded his agreement and, in silence, they walked toward the elevator. Yuri angrily pushed the button and they both waited. Yuuri returned to the contemplation of his bitten-off nails.

The awkward silence was thick and Yuuri could swear someone could have cut it with a knife. He looked up attempting to start an easygoing discussion but saw that Yuri had taken his phone from his pocket and was looking at his twitter feed, scowling. ‘I should not disturb him more than necessary’ thought Yuuri before starting to bite his nails and trying to distract himself.

Ping!

The sound from the elevator scared Yuuri who looked from the corner of his eyes to his Russian namesake. When the doors finally opened, Yuri entered the elevator without taking his eyes off his phone. Yuuri followed dutifully.

“My room or yours?” asked the Russian.

‘My room would be more comfortable, but at the same time what if Yuri react badly where could I go. His room would be nice; if I need I can run out. What if he wants me to leave or what if he throws me out of the room? What if I start crying, and then I could not leave. Maybe there will be journalists. Also, aren’t all team Russia’s rooms close to each other? They could hear. I just met them and I think they may not hate me. What if they discover how pathetic I am and do not want to talk to me anymore. Viktor seems to like me, so maybe it will be all right. But what if they really hate me; he won’t like me anymore. He knows them since they were children and just met him this year. There is no way he will choose me over them. How could I even imagine asking them to choose? Maybe I should just give up. Maybe I can just quit and he won’t need to take a decision. I could call the JSF tonight and…’

“Whatever you’re thinking about, stop. Let’s go to your room. Mine is messy.”

Yuri slammed his hand on the fifth-floor button and finally, the doors closed. The jerky movement of the elevator climbing up made Yuuri want to throw up. He swallowed his saliva and took a deep breath, trying to get his stomach to leave his throat.

The ride to the fifth floor appeared to have been extremely long as well as way too fast. There were now only one hundred metres separating them from his room and the Discussion.

75 metres.

Yuuri looked at Yuri from the corner of his eyes. The teenager was looking straight forward, not paying attention to his comrade whatsoever.

50 metres.

A man in a suit left a room right in front of them, a suitcase in front of them. ‘Journalist’ thought Yuuri. He had the arrogant ‘I know more than you do’ air around him that a lot of journalists had. Yuuri looked to the ground to avoid being recognized and saw that Yuri had done the same.

25 metres.

Could he change his mind and tell Yuri that he would tell him everything after the competition?

10 metres.

His door was now completely visible. No turning back.

5 metres.

Farther away in the hallway, a baby started crying. Yuuri hoped the crying would not grab the journalist attention. They had avoided being stopped once, but the Team Russia sweater was even more recognisable from the back and there was no way the journalist would miss them twice.

4 metres.

Yuuri took his keycard out of his pocket. His hands were trembling.

3 metres.

His feet just wanted to stop and turn around. He was not ready to talk to Yuri. He wasn’t. He wanted Viktor to be here. He didn’t want to do that alone. Not telling the first person.

2 metres.

He was feeling Yuri’s stares on him. He knew he had slowed down, each step taking more and more willpower. But Yuri did not say anything and just slowed down with him.

1 metre.

He was now in front of his door. The golden numbers were taunting him. Keycard in hand, he tried to unlock the door, a red light. He tried again, but the trembling of his hands made the task impossible. Another red light. Taking a deep breath, he out the card in the slot for the third time. Red.

Yuri snatched the card from his shaky hands, in one graceful move put it in the slot and finally, there was a celebratory _ding_ and a green light.

Yuuri entered his room and was relieved to see that it was not messy. The only thing out of place was Team Japan jacket that was hanging on the armrest of the small recliner in the corner of the room. He looked around trying to find the best place to sit down to have the Discussion. There were few options: the bed, the recliner or the desk chair. The bed would be too personal and awkward. Only one person could really sit on the recliner and the desk chair could be uncomfortable.

 Yuri followed few steps later and without hesitation claimed the recliner. Yuuri internally sighed, pulled the desk chair to put it in front of Yuri and sat down. Yuuri took another deep breath trying to calm himself. Unconsciously grabbing the hidden pink bracelet on his wrist, Yuuri tried to gather the courage to say the first sentence. He knew that once the first sentence, the revelation, would be said everything would be easier. Well, at least it would be in the open. Yuuri could feel Yuri’s stare on him. He closed his eyes and tried to forget everything.

He tried to imagine that instead of being in a hotel room in Russia, he was with Viktor on the beach in Hasestu. He could feel Viktor’s warm and comforting arm around his shoulders. He could see his bright heart-shaped smile; his kind and proud blue eyes on him. He remembered the sentence they had rehearsed together. He did not have to think, he just had to say it. Keeping these images in his head, he opened his mouth to talk.

“Yuri. The reason why Yakov put a pink bracelet on me is because I am suffering from an eating disorder.”

There was an uncomfortable silence in the room. The low buzzing noise from the heater was disturbing his mental images. Yuuri mentally chanted ‘It is not the heater. It is the sound of the wave’ trying to convince himself of the lie. The seconds that passed felt like hours. Yuri seemed to have lost any capacity to talk. He was just sitting there, his mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water.

“What?” finally croak Yuri.

“I… always had trouble with my weight… but I always manage to take care of it in a more or less healthy manner… but this year something happened and I couldn’t… I started to basically starve myself to loose weight…. I did not think I was doing it… it just… you know… happened… but Viktor figured it out… I am trying to get better… but it is hard… That’s why Yakov knows… Viktor did not want to let me by myself here… he wanted someone to keep an eye on me and… I guess force me to eat… I wanted to tell you… you're my friend… I think of you as my friend at least… I felt you deserved to know… I think Mila and Anastasia know, but I did not tell them. You're the first person I tell…”

The flow of word escaped Yuuri’s mouth without control. He did not even know if it was making sense, but he wanted them out. Yuuri would have continued to talk, just to fill the awkward silence in the room.

“How could you do that to yourself? Aren’t you a professional skater? Your body is your weapon. What is wrong with you?” yelled Yuri standing up.

Yuuri recoiled on himself, brought his knees up to his chest and hid his face in his arms. He could feel the warm tears on his cheeks. Obviously, Yuri was going to be angry. How could he not be? The sobs were making his shoulders shake. He just wanted to hide somewhere, but where? Yuuri was in a foreign where he knew basically nobody and did not speak the language. 

Bang!

Yuuri looked up to see what made such a loud noise and saw that Yuri had just punched the wall. Yuri turned toward Yuuri and grabbed him by the collar with the clear intent to repeating his gesture not on the wall, but on Yuuri face when he saw the tears on the older man. Like he was burnt, Yuri dropped Yuuri’s collar and pushed him away.

“Дерьмо,” swore Yuri.

He took a deep breath trying to calm himself. Yuri knew that he was reacting badly and he should not have succumbed to anger. He was just not expecting that. Yuuri was always so in love with food that he had been the last person Yuri would have thought struggle with an eating disorder.

“I should not have said that. I’m sorry.” Yuri’s voice squeaked slightly on the apology; clearly, Yuri was not used to apologizing.

Instead of stopping now that Yuri had apologized, Yuuri’s tears doubled, in relief. Yuri froze at the sight of the tears. He had no idea how to comfort someone. Like a robot, he put his arms around Yuuri and gave three strong pats on his back.

Yuuri giggled through his tears.

“You’re as bad as Viktor with someone crying.”

“I’m nothing like that idiot, pig,” yelled Yuri, flinching immediately when he heard the insult coming out of his mouth. Not even five minutes after someone told him he was suffering from anorexia, he commented on his weight.

“Дерьмо. I’m sorry. I should not call you that. Oh god. Is it my fault? Your eating disorder… Is it because I called you That?”

“You did not cause it. Nobody did really. It's something I struggled with for so long and I just lost it a few months ago. But you know… if you could not call me that I would appreciate. I really don't like it.”

Yuri bit his lower lip to try to stop it from trembling. He knew he was not the most agreeable person in the world, but he never wanted to harm anybody, especially not someone that even Yuri had to admit was nice. His throat was starting to feel tight like he had something stuck there. He knew there were tears in his eyes, but he did not want to cry.

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry. I… I…” stammered Yuri.

Yuuri stood up, walked toward him and raised his thin arms. Yuri flinched, expecting to receive a slap or something. He did not expect to receive a hug instead. Yuuri was hugging him. He felt warm. One treasonous tear left his left eye and ran to the left corner of his mouth. He put his arms against the Japanese man and embraced him. He could feel every bone and rib. The ball in throat came back with a vengeance. Yakov had not been kidding when he put the Bracelet on. Yuuri was in this way deeper than Yuri could have expected. He swore to himself that he was going to protect him, from himself if needed.


	30. Chapter 30

The two Yuris went downstairs at exactly seven. The only reason why they left in the first place was because Yuuri was too polite to ignore Yakov’s order to be in the lobby at seven and because Yuri had sworn to himself that he would not allow Yuuri to skip any more meals. While not being a miracle for Yuuri to be on time, it was one that the rest of the Russian team was already there went they arrived. They all had a worried expression on their face and the sight of their red eyes did not help. ‘Ah, they know,’ though Yuri. Part of him became angry when he realised that, once again, he was the last one to be told something, but he managed to suppress the anger before exploding in front of the emotionally fragile Yuuri.

They walked to a restaurant not too far from the hotel. Yuuri pulled his coat closer to himself and put his hands up in his sleeves. While it was only -10 degree according to his cellphone, the polar wind made the temperature unbearable for the Japanese man. Even when he was in Detroit, the weather was not that bad. He wished he had not forgotten his gloves in the room. Suddenly, his neck was surrounded by unexpected warmth. He looked up and saw that Mikhail had put his warm and soft scarf around his neck. He started protesting, but Mikhail just smiled and walked faster.

Yuuri smiled, his face turning red. Taking a deep breath for courage, he called "Спасибо" toward Mikhail. The tall Russian turned toward him and shot him a big smile and a thumb’s up. Mila jumped on him to hug him screaming that his accent was adorable. Yuuri felt relieved that they had understood him and did not consider his horrible Russian as an insult. The people on the Russian team were all helpful and extraordinary. While he was still missing his boyfriend, they were always there for him.

The supper had been as noisy and lively as it always was with the Russian team. Like the previous two meals, Anastasia took control of ordering the food for everyone and he tried a lot of succulent Russian traditional food.

After supper, Yuri decided to stay the night in Yuuri’s room. When they arrived in the lobby of the hotel, Yuri forcefully took Yuuri by his coat and dragged him toward the elevator. Yakov started yelling to his skater, but Yuri completely ignored him. When they arrived in front of the elevator, Yuri turned toward his coach and threw him a meaningful look. In Viktor’s absence, he would not let Yuuri be by himself at night as there was no way to know what would happen in his stubborn head. Yakov stopped yelling immediately and nodded his understanding.

Arriving in the Japanese man’s room, after a small detour in Yuri’s room, Yuri changed into his pyjama and rolled into the blankets to promptly fall asleep. Yuuri looked quite baffled at the sight of the Yuri-burrito but decided against commenting and followed Yuri’s example. He wanted to scroll through his twitter and his Instagram waiting for sleep, but Viktor had password-locked them. He put on a podcast and finally fell asleep.

.o0o.

In Japan, Viktor was worrying. While Makkachin was declared officially out of danger and Yuuri was in good hands, Viktor could not bring himself to calm down. His darling dog and faithful companion had nearly died while he was away and Viktor could not stop thinking about what if she had died. He knew Yuuri’s dog had died right before the Grand Prix Final the year before and that had led to his could self-destruction on the ice. If Makkachin had not made it, how would Yuuri have reacted? He was so strong but so fragile at the same time.

Viktor shook his head trying to get the horrible thoughts out of his mind. Makkachin was fine and Yuuri was getting better, slowly but surely.

Viktor took his phone wanting to call his Yuuri, suddenly missing his voice. The glare from the phone made him squint. It was three in the morning already and sleep was still escaping him. Viktor made a quick mental calculation and realised it was already 10 pm in St-Petersburg. Yuuri was most likely still awake, but Viktor did not want to take the chance. The Free Skate was the next day and Yuuri needed all the sleep he could get. He put on Yuuri’s Free Skate song and finally fell into Morpheus’ arms.

.o0o.

The next day, Yakov yelling from the other side of the door woke Yuuri up. Eyes bleary, he looked at his phone and he jumped out of his bed when he realised that he was late for the breakfast’s meeting. He ran to the door and opened it to let Yakov in. As soon as the angry coach was in the room, Yuuri bowed at ninety degrees and apologized repeatedly. Yakov gestured to Yuuri to just get ready.

Yuri, on the other hand, had not moved. He only turned to face the other side and put a pillow over his head to muffle the sound. In three steps, Yakov had crossed the room and pulled Yuri’s blanket away. Yuri sat up in the bed and even before opening his eyes started yelling what Yuuri believed were swears and insults in Russian to his coach.

Yuuri was ready in a record time. His breath was slightly faster than usual from all the running in the room. His eyes widened in disbelief when he saw that, while his eyes were now opened, Yuri had not left the bed yet. Yakov was still yelling at him, his face dangerously red, and Yuri was replying in a louder volume.

Yuri finally stood up and walked into the small hotel toilet taking care to slam the door as forcefully as possible.

Yakov sat down on the small couch, his face slowly going back to a normal colour. Not being one for small talk, Yakov ignored the Japanese skater and took the newspaper from his bag and started reading it. Not really knowing what to do with himself, Yuuri stood awkwardly for five long minutes before sitting down on the side of the bed and started playing on his phone.

When Yuri finally got out of the bathroom, they all left the room and when to meet the rest of the Russian team in the lobby. Mila was joyfully talking with a sad-looking Georgi. Mikhail was reading a newspaper and Anastasia had fallen back asleep on her partner’s shoulder. When the three latecomers arrived in the lobby, Mila exclaimed with a big smile “We have now the proof that Japanese people are human. Being late for the first time makes you an honorary member of the Russian team.”

Yuuri smiled at the enthusiast redhead, the guilt he was feeling since he woke up finally disappearing.

The rest of the day passed extremely fast. Like a clock, the Russian team got ready for the competition. They all had their habits and routines that made them the champions they were. The craziness and eccentricities that Yuuri had witnessed in the last few days had vanished and they were all wearing their competition faces and attitudes. While they looked exactly like they had looked like in the multiple magazines and articles he had read as Viktor’s fan, it was hard to see any similarities with the people he had practiced with. Yuuri did his best to follow them hoping to disturb them as little as possible.

Before he could realize it, it was already the beginning of the ice dance competition. Anastasia and Mikhail were in their bubble warming up before their free dance. Yakov wanted all members of his team to be present at each and every competition to create a sense of unity and belonging in the team. Yuuri was unsure if he should go sit down with Mila, Georgi and Yuri or if his presence, as even though Yakov was coaching him for this competition, he was still a foreigner, would be unacceptable. Nervously playing with his finger unable to take the first step toward the other, Yuuri did not see Yuri approaching and grabbing him by the sleeve to drag him to the Russian team meeting spot.

“Japanese or not, you are part of this team. Even if you weren’t Vitya’s boyfriend, you have been officially adopted. I told you this morning,” murmured Mila in his ear, an arm around his shoulders.

The tension in his body disappeared. He still felt somewhat awkward being surrounded by people in the white and red Russian national team jacket while wearing his blue and black Team Japan one, but the arm around his shoulder made him feel accepted and welcomed.

The cold air from the ice rink made him shiver. While he was used to the coldness of an ice rink, it felt worse than usual. He rubbed his hands together, happy that this time he remembered to wear his gloves. His teeth were slightly clacking, but he tried to make them stop.

It was the Mikhail and Anastasia’s turn to skate. They walked toward the opening of the rink listening to last minutes comments from Yakov. While Yuri stayed angrily quiet, Mila and Georgi started encouraging their teammates. Yuuri wanted to do the same, but wasn’t sure if he should say “Давай” or “頑張って”.

The former would be more respectful as it was their language and their country, but Yuuri feared to mispronounce it and this way being disrespectful. He could humiliate himself and the entire Russian team by saying something different and even possibly vulgar.

The latter was a safer bet, but there was a risk that using Japanese instead of Russian people may think that he did not like the Russian language and he was using them because Viktor was not around. He was already accused of stealing Viktor away. He could now be accused of doing the same to Mila and the others.

“dava-gatte” finally said Yuuri before turning horribly red ashamed. He could not even encourage others without humiliating himself. He looked at the ground hoping for it to open and let him disappear.

He took a deep breath trying to convince himself that nobody had heard, but Anastasia turned toward him and waved at him smiling. Apparently, she had heard his weird encouragement. Mikhail nodded his thanks before taking off his jacket and put it around Yuuri’s shoulders. Warmth surrounded him once again. While Yuuri could still feel the cold on his face, the shivering had stopped for the first time since he had entered the ice rink, hours earlier. The awkwardness of being seen wearing another country’s team jacket in public was obstructed by the relief of no longer shivering. He looked around and nobody seemed to mind seeing him wearing the jacket. He sighed in relief and pulled the jacket closer to his body.

Mikhail and Anastasia skated beautifully; the emotions were clearly expressing the theme of their routine. Completely in sync, they danced around the rink in rhythm with the music. The crowd roared when the two perfectly effectuated a serpentine lift immediately followed a twizzle.

Yuuri had not often watched the ice dance competition, usually preferring hiding in the changing room trying to calm his nerves. He was surprised how graceful and light a tall man like Mikhail could be. The music started slowing down while they were both engaged in a sitting spin. The spin transformed into a side-by-side shotgun spin. They took their final pose when the last note resonated in the arena. The crowd started cheering and Yuuri, without really realizing it, jumped to his feet to cheer with them.

Anastasia waved at the crowd, a big smile on her face. Mikhail’s arm around her waist, she skated toward the Kiss & Cry, only stopping twice to grab particularly cute plushies on the ice.

“The final result for Anastasia Makarovna and Mikhail Yaroslavovich is 118.54 for a total of 186.14. A new world record!”

Yuuri gasped. He had known that they were good and the fact that they were the fifth pair to skate made it clear, but he had not expected them to break a world record in front of him. He was overjoyed for his new friends. In the Kiss and Cry, even Mikhail had a small smile on his normally expressionless face.

Now, while they were guaranteed to win at least the silver medal, the only question was to see if the Canadian pair would manage to beat them for the gold one.

In the corner of his eyes, Yuuri saw Yuri stand up, a intense look on his face.

“Now it is our turn.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations  
> Спасибо = thank you (Russian)  
> Давай = good luck (Russian)  
> 頑張って = good luck (Japanese)


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at that, two chapters in one week! I hope you are all happy. I don't know if I'll be able to update before Easter (between now and then I will need to correct like 45 graphic novels, 30 brochures, 30 reading tests and 30 writing tasks... I am going to die). I am not saying it is impossible because maybe I'll need a break before giving really bad grade to everyone :P... but I wanted to at least give you an head-up  
> If I don't see you before that, well Happy Easter.

Yuuri followed the Russian teen to the changing room. They only had an hour before their performances. Usually, Yuuri would have done most of his warming up already, but he did not regret watching the ice dancing competition. Without a word, Yuri opened the locker he claimed for his own few days earlier and started to take out everything he needed for his preparation. Yuuri stood up awkwardly behind him. When they had arrived in Russia, Viktor had chosen a locker far from everything. At the time, he had been quite happy with the locker’s location, but now he felt unwilling to leave the protection Yuri’s angry aura gave him. He feared that the moment he would leave the shielding bubble, journalists would jump fn him, asking for interviews.

Part of him wanted to go pick everything up from the locker and transfer them to an empty locker next to Yuri, but he feared that Yuri would get sick of his constant presence.

Picking what he believed to be the lesser of two evils, Yuuri walked toward his locker. He put his headphones in his ears in an effort to look unavailable for discussion. His experiences were that journalists would not let this barrier stop them, but there was nothing stopping Yuuri from hopping.

He could not see the journalists looking at him with interest, only stopped by the looks full of anger from the Russian punk threatening them to even dare to approach Yuuri.

He rapidly changed into his costume, the pants still extremely loose and in need of a safety pin to stay on his hips. Yuuri wondered why, during the time in Hasetsu between the China Cup and the Rostelecom Cup, they did not modify the costume to make it fit better.

Now in costume, he looked in his locker to find the protein powder to make the shake. Viktor had made him swore that he would drink the protein shake before the performance. Yuuri did not mind the green substance all that much, but there was always this powder taste when he drank it. At least, it was low in calorie when Viktor made it with skim milk.

The problem was that Yuuri had no idea where Viktor kept the milk. He remembered him mentioning having access to a fridge, but he could not remember where and even just the idea of having to ask a staff member scared Yuuri to the bones.

‘I could always just put water… that way it will be even less calorific,’ thought Yuuri while continuing to try the find where was the powder recipient.

After long minutes trying to find the mix, Yuuri decided to give up. Not drinking the protein shake once would not kill him. On top of things, he had barely skated that morning with his coach’s attention divided between so many skaters. Drinking the protein shake would just make him gain weight.

“The six-minute warm-up period for the skaters of the second group is starting shortly. Please enter the rink.”

Yuuri shut his locker’s door thinking that it was faith that he did not find the protein shake powder. He put his Team Japan jacket on to make sure he was keeping warm on walked toward the rink. JJ was already beside the rink talking loudly to his parents in French. Yuri was few meters away from JJ trying to murder him with his glare while Lilia was admonishing him mostly likely because of his language.

The cold air made him shiver. Yuuri was glad he decided to put the heat-tech shirt under his costume. Normally, the exertion of skating a full program was enough to make sure he was warm, but Yuuri did not want to take any risks, not while his failures were also Viktor’s.

Throughout the warm-up period, Yuuri could hear Yakov yelling at Yuri in Russian and at him in English. Most of the time, he would not realize Yakov was actually talking to him until Yakov started to call him Katsuki instead of Yuuri.

When the buzzing sound announcing the end of the warm-up period resonated in the arena, Yuuri was glad that it was finally done. His legs were burning and his breath was short. His breath creating clouds at each gasp made it impossible for Yuuri to hide his short breathiness. Yuuri was happy that Yuri was skating before him. Between the performance and the cleanup, it would give him at least ten minutes to try to relax and focus before it was his turn to skate.

Yuri was as always magnificent on the ice. The ballet music complementing his newly found grace and delicates. Yuuri could lose himself in the performance, the emotions so clearly present that it was clear why Yuri was declared by most the new Russian legend.

“With the score of 199.87 in his free skate and the combined score of 297.96. Yuri Plisetsky is now in first place.”

Yuuri was proud of his friend. With such a magnificent performance, he really deserved such a high score. He had executed all of his jumps without any mistakes and managed to keep his presentation score quite high.

Upon hearing his score, Yuri stood up and raised his fists into the air, as he had officially secured a place at the Grand Prix Final. He turned toward Yuuri to call out his joy, but Yuuri had already taken off his blue and black jacket and climbed onto the rink.

Yuuri stood in the middle of the rink trying to ignore the crowd looking at him. He tried to calm himself. Until this year, he never had Viktor on the side of the rink cheering for him. He could skate without him. He could prove to the entire figure skating world that he was worth Viktor’s attention. Taking a last deep breath to calm himself, he took the starting pose.

A cascade of piano notes resonated in the arena and Yuuri started to skate. Slowly skating with the music, Yuuri got himself ready for the first jump, a quad toe loop-double toe loop combination. Perfect landing. Yuuri allowed himself to smile slightly. Even thought this part of the routine was about the time he was fighting alone, he could still feel Viktor’s presence beside him, like a warm figure holding his hand. The quad Salchow and the triple loop went without any problem.

With the violin’s entry, he launched himself in the triple axel. He slightly over rotated, but managed to keep his balance, thankfully not needing to touch the ice. He just had to execute the triple flip and then he would have completed the first half of the routine. His legs started to burn from the exhaustion.

The music started to quiet down. It was time for the step sequence. Yuuri was confident that he would have no problem. He hoped that he would manage to get his breathing under control during the transition. He went into the lunge, his left tight burning even more. Standing up and transitioning into the spread eagle did not help. He had to fight to keep his smile on his face. Losing presentation points would be a one-way ticket back to Hasetsu without a stop in Barcelona.

The second half of his routine arrived too early. Still breathing heavily from his shoulders, Yuuri launched himself into a Triple Axel-Single Loop-Triple Salchow combination. His legs buckled under his weight upon the landing. He had to stand up immediately, but his body was not able to. Putting a hand on the ice to push himself up, he continued his performance. Because of his fall, if he wanted to keep with the rhythm, he had to shorten the preparation time for the Triple Lutz-Triple Toe combination.

Black dots started appearing in front of his eyes. He felt quite dizzy, but he knew he had to push through. He skated backwards faster than before, trying to gain the necessary speed quicker. After a long on a left backwards outside edge, he vaulted into the air, before performing three full turns in the air before landing on the right back outside edge. He only had few second before lunging into the triple-toe loop. He only had these two last jumps and then he would be done with the performance.

He took a deep breath when his right foot landed and launched himself back into the air. However, instead of three turns, he only managed one before landing back again. His muscles refusing to give him enough power to safely land the triple jump.

The black dots had increased. He could barely see the ice. He blinked repeatedly, trying to get rid of them, but it did not work. He wanted to close his eyes and perform the step sequence blindly, but he did not dare to think of the point deduction if the judge realized he was skating with his eyes closed.

His head felt heavy and he felt like his legs were made of jello, but he only had one last jump. He knew people were now expecting him to do a quad flip to honour his coach, especially here in his home country, but Yuuri knew he did not have it in him, not with the way he was feeling.

He decided to take the safer route and executed a quad toe loop. The landing was slightly shaky, but he managed it.

He entered the final spiral and finally his free skate was done, perfectly timed with the music.

The crowd started cheering loudly, but Yuuri could not see them. His vision was now completely black. He could hear Yakov screaming to bow to the crowd, but he could not, fearing that even the smallest move would make him topple over.

He took a deep breath and finally attempted a bow. The brusque move threw off his balance and his knees buckled under his weight. He turned redder than a tomato. He tried to laugh it off and push himself back on his skate, but his legs were still not supporting his weight.

Yuuri started to feel the panic sparked in his stomach. His already fast breathing became faster and faster. He had to leave the ice before someone realized that something was wrong, but his legs were still as strong as a cloud and his vision still completely black.

He managed to push his left knee up and pushed on it until he was in a standing position. He started to see the flashes from the camera through the blackness. He managed to orient himself toward the exit. Skating extremely slowly, but convinced that if he tried to skate faster he would collapse once more, he managed to leave the rink. Yakov was waiting for him at the door, grabbing his elbow as soon as possible.

“Can you stay conscious until we receive your scores or do you want me to escort you directly to the changing room?” asked Yakov under his breath, his usually angry face made it easy to cover up his nervousness.

Yuuri knew that if he did not sit down in the Kiss & Cry, it would create a stir and people would want to know why. He did not feel ready to answer such questions, especially with Viktor so far away.

“I’ll be fine.”

Yakov walked toward the Kiss & Cry supporting most of Yuuri’s weight. While he knew that was the only reason why he had managed to finish the walk up to the bench, Yuuri felt guilty that Yakov, who was not young anymore, had to support such a large weight.

The next few minutes passed without Yuuri taking any notice. He could hear the announcer’s voice, but he could not understand a word. He was feeling horrible. He did not have any sensation left in his legs and his vision was still contaminated by the annoying black dots.

It is only because of Yakov’s strength and support that Yuuri managed to stand up once more and walked to the changing room.

His head felt cloudy like he could not focus on anything. Each step seemed to be unnecessary hard. He could not feel his legs, but the fact that he was still walking was the only needed confirmation that they were still functioning.

With most journalists still focused on JJ’s skating, Yakov managed to bring him in a private room beside the changing room without any attention on him. The room was small with grey walls bare of any decoration. There were a small table and two chairs in one corner, but a physical therapy table occupied most of the space. Yakov guided Yuuri toward the table and helped him lay down on it.

Yuuri was shivering and his sweat, now cold, was making his body stick uncomfortably to the fake blue leather of the table. He knew Yakov wanted him to see someone, but he did not feel like talking to anybody. He just wanted to go hide under four or five thick blankets and sleep.

He felt his eyes closing and tried his best to keep them open. He could hear Yakov’s voice in the background, but he could not figure out if he was talking to him or even if he was speaking English.

Yuuri opened his mouth to speak, but not a sound came out. His brain felt cloudy and it was like he had lost any ability to speak.

The shivering became stronger and to took all of his control to stop his teeth from clattering. His fingers were really cold. He brought his arms closer to his body to try to conserve his body heat.

He heard his name said by a woman’s voice. ‘Mila? Anastasia? A staffer?’ Yuuri did not know. He raised his head toward the sound.

“寒い” murmured Yuuri.

He knew nobody could speak Japanese, but it was like he had lost his ability to speak English.

“Yuuri. We don’t understand Japanese. Can you speak English?”

When there was no other response than Yuuri repeating the same word over and over, Mila turned toward her rinkmate.

“He said _samui_. Yuri, you’ve been to Japan. What does it mean?”

“How would I know?” grumbled Yuri, before taking his phone and searching the answer online. “It means cold. I think he is cold. Bring him a blanket or something. Hurry up!”

The last part was directed to a staffer who ran out of the room to find a blanket for the Japanese skater.

Mila came closer to Yuuri and took his hands in her hand, but dropped them nearly immediately in shock.

“His hands are cold as ice,” she exclaimed before taking them back, hoping to transfer some of her heat.

Without a word, Yakov took his expensive leather gloves and put them onto the Japanese’s hands.

After what had seemed to be hours, the medical staff finally arrived into the private room followed by the staffer carrying the blankets. After only a look, the doctor had understood the situation.

In a quick and no-nonsense voice, he ordered to elevate Yuuri’s leg and lower his head. The Russian skaters all moved at once. When Yuuri was placed into the appropriate position, the doctor took a small plastic device none of the Russian skaters could recognize. He disinfected of Yuuri’s finger before using pricking the finger and pressing it until a drop of blood formed. Using a blood glucose monitor, he put the drop of blood on the testing strip and waited for the result.

The blipping sound made audience jumped. The doctor hummed in discontent at the result. He turned toward the Japanese skater and asked him to eat a small whitish circular disk the size of a one ruble.

Yuuri did not react to the doctor, so he delicately opened his mouth with his fingers and put the small disk onto his tongue.

“Now, we wait to see if his sugar level raises or if he needs to go to the hospital.”

Yuuri's face slowly returned to a more normal colour and his eyes looked more and more focused. While still feeling dizzy, he was reacting normally to the Russian talking to him. The doctor lowered his feet and elevated his head back up to a sitting position. Fifteen minutes later, the doctor repeated the test and smiled.

“His sugar levels are rising, so no need to bring him to the hospital. I would like to keep him here until he is more coherent and able to walk. Here some apple juice, please slowly drink this. Tonight, he will need two smaller meals high in protein, fibre, and complex carbohydrates, but nothing too processed.”

Yakov asked the doctor multiple questions, turning to Russian to make sure he understood everything. Mila and Yuri continued to bicker making Yuuri smile and even laugh. Mila was happy to see her new friend feeling better, but inside her, she knew that Yuuri could not continue like he was. While it was clear that whatever Viktor and Yuuri had been doing helped, it was not enough. Today, Yuuri had nearly collapsed in front of thousand of spectators and he could have injured himself. He needed help and Viktor alone was not enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To everyone who messaged telling that Yuuri had been eating a lot since he arrived in Moscow, I would like to say that it would be the first time since the beginning of this story where he has absolutely no control on what arrives in his plate. With no understanding of Russian, he depends on others to eat. This also means he can't count calories or anything. According to people I know who had eating disorders, eating with others were horrible moments and you need to combine this with Yuuri's overall anxiety. The way I have been imagining the meals were that there were lots of big plates and everyone was taking what he/she wanted. This way, Yuuri managed to limit quiet a lot his consumption.   
> Also, I do not have medical background... I tried to do research on how to treat hypoglycemia, but if I made a mistake, please tell me and I'll change it.


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone,  
> I was tired of correcting, so here a chapter! I hope you will like it. The heads-up from last week still stands (I can't promise new chapters for a while except apparently if I procrastinate).

Viktor was sitting in front of the television in the common room of the Yutopia inn. Around him were a dozen of less and less sober Japanese people who were mostly there because of the Sagan Tosu game which had just ended and decided to hang around for the figure skating competition. They were all speaking loudly and cheering like never before when Yuuri appeared on the screen, even if he was only in the background.

Jumping in place were the triplets dissecting every program faster than the announcers. Lutz was calculating the scores while the performance was still under the way and was right more often than not. Loop and Axel were dancing and imitating the routines to the best of their abilities, their pigtails floating with the music. It was nice to see young girls so absorbed with ice dancing as often the younger generation was too focused on the jumps and not enough on the artistry.

Yuuko was beside them and had clearly given up on calming them down and on the idea of putting them to sleep at an appropriate hour of six-year-old girls. Her husband was not of any help as he had been taken by the group of drunken middle-aged men into a sort of drinking competition Viktor had no desire to join.

Viktor could not take his eyes away from the screen. After more than a decade in the competitive circuit, it felt weird to watch a Grand Prix competition on television and not surrounded by the Russian national team.

As now a member of Yakov team, Yuuri appeared often on screen. He, who usually would have tried to hide away until his turn, had been forced to change his habits as Yakov expected his skaters to behave like champions at all time.

A sudden cheer from the Yutopia customer broke Viktor away from his daydreams and he turned his attention once more on the screen. Yuuri could be seen in the top left corner, sitting with the rest of his team cheering on Tasha and Misha. Mila could be seen whispering something in Yuuri’s ear making him laugh. Viktor was happy to see that his former team was taking care of his boyfriend in his absence.

At the end of the ice dancing competition, the crowd of Hasetsu natives were definitely no longer only tipsy. Viktor was not sure if they had realized that Yuuri had not been on screen for the last twenty minutes, as he was not getting ready to compete. He could feel his stress climbing to a level never reached before. His heartbeat pounding in his ears, Viktor tried to take deep breaths to calm himself, but nothing worked. He felt quite confused. He was usually pretty calm in competitions either as a competitor himself or as a coach, but today he felt restless.

“Nervous?” asked a feminine voice behind him.

Viktor turned around to see Minako sitting down beside him, a big smile on her face.

“Yes. I don’t know why. Yuuri is the nervous one, not me,” sighed Viktor.

“It is just the feeling of helplessness. Somewhere in your head you know that not matter what happens in Russia, there is nothing you can do.”

Viktor nodded lifelessly. He did not know how he could survive until the end of the competition with such stress. Or, how Yuuri survived in an everyday basis. Viktor was once again marvelled at his boyfriend’s abilities.

The presenter announced the beginning of the Men single competition. Yuuko and her daughters tried to make the rest of the crowd focus once more on the television. The robotic music of Emil’s performance resonated in the filled to capacity common room. Viktor could feel the theme in each of the Czech’s moves. It was a really good performance.

It was then Michele’s turn. His performance was full of love and magnificent. Viktor tried to let himself get lost in the performance, but he could not stop himself from analyzing every move and calculate the scores. The Italian man received a high score, his presentation score surpassing his technical score.

Seung-gil could not have been more different. Skating like a robot, he seemed to have renounced to receive a good presentation score and tried to boost his technical score. Sadly, Viktor knew that would never work, not in a competition with JJ and the two Yuris.

When Yuri’s name was announced, the entire room cheered before they realized that it was a blond head on screen and not a brunette. Only Viktor, Minako, Yuuko and the triplets kept their eyes glued to the screen. Yuri was skating the best performance of his free program. All his jumps were perfect and the clearly difficult step sequence was faultless. Viktor could feel the pride for his young countryman rise in his chest. While he obviously wanted Yuuri to win, he also wanted Yuri to perform at his best. If the teary looks in their eyes were a clue, this feeling was clearly shared by the women sitting beside him.

Yuri, Yakov and Lilia were sitting in the Kiss and Cry waiting for the scores. While he knew it was normal for the camera to be focused on them, Viktor could not stop himself from wishing that the camera were instead on Yuuri getting ready. Except for a small call during Yuuri’s breakdown the day of his departure from Russia, it had been more than 48 hours since he had talked to Yuuri and it was not like the last phone call had been reassuring. Part of him wanted to talk to Yuuri’s family about his breakdown, but he did not want to break his trust. Minako was the only one who knew about Yuuri’s problem, but she had not been around since his arrival and every time he went to her bar, she had been busy.

Finally, Yuri’s scores were announced and he was placed in first position for how. Even if the two last skaters got better than him, he was now guaranteed a place on the podium and in the final. Pride burst in Viktor’s chest once more. Now all of his attention could return on his student, his boyfriend, the love of his life.

The presenter announced Yuuri’s and finally the camera focused on him. He was standing near the mouth of the rink taking off his jacket. Viktor winced in annoyance seeing nobody around Yuuri. While he knew he was being unfair to Yakov who was still sitting down with his actual student in the Kiss & Cry, he had wished someone had been with Yuuri at that exact moment. Mila or Anastasia would have been perfect. Even Mikhail’s silent self with his lack of English skills would have been better than this complete absence. He was blaming himself, as he should have known Yuuri was not going to be able to ask someone. He should have organized it himself.

He suddenly felt a hand grabbing his own. He jumped slightly at the unexpected motion and look to his left to see that it was Yuuko who, in her stress, had grabbed his hand. The triplets had quieted down and were holding each other’s hands waiting for Yuuri to climb onto the ice.

Yuuri skated toward the centre of the ice and took the starting position. While looking as beautiful as always, Viktor thought that Yuuri looked whiter than usual and his skin looked slightly clammy. Viktor tried to relegate his worries to the back of his head. Yuuri had just skated his warm-up and most a just forgotten to wipe his face.

The music started and Yuuri started skating simultaneously. Not even at the second jump, Viktor knew something was off in Yuuri’s skating. He could not feel the normal emotions and musicality in Yuuri’s performance. While he was convinced the judges would not see anything out of the ordinary, Viktor had seen Yuuri perform more than a thousand times and he knew everything about his boyfriend.

While it was not impeding his performance, Yuuri’s steps were heavier than usual and his smile was forced. One look toward Minako confirmed his thoughts. She could see it too, so it was not only in his mind. He took her hand in his hoping for some comfort, which was immediately given. The other onlookers did not seem to realize that something was wrong.

Yuuri face looked ghostly white and it seemed that he could lose consciousness at any moment. Viktor heart was in his throat and he felt glued to the floor. He wanted to be on the side of the rink and be there for Yuuri. Instead, he was thousand of kilometres away and unable to do anything.

Viktor started to pray to any god who could hear him to keep Yuuri safe and for him to finish his performance. He knew Yuuri had to finish to qualify for the GPF because if not, it would be an immediate disqualification and withdrawal from the tournament and Viktor knew Yuuri would never forgive himself.

Finally, the performance ended and Yuuri was still on his feet. He looked miserable to Viktor. The last time he had seen such a look was at the China Cup after the Short Program, but even then he did not look that bad. Yuuri had a smile on his face that did not reach his eyes. While he bowed, Yuuri seemed to stumble slightly, but he stayed on his feet. He awkwardly skated to the mouth of the rink not looking like he knew where he was going.

Viktor sighed in relief when Yakov put his arms around Yuuri and supported him to the Kiss & Cry. He was now in safe hand and Yakov always knew what to do and even though Viktor had wished Yuuri could be taken from the public eye as fast as possible, he believed in Yakov’s decision.

Next to him, Minako was on her phone and Viktor felt anger rising in him. How could she be on her phone while her student was basically fainting on national television? He wanted to tell her off, but he did not want to raise any suspicions.

“What’s your middle name?” asked Minako.

The sudden and completely unrelated question confused Viktor out of his anger.

“Ivanovich,” he answered, before looking at her with open bewilderment on his face.

“What is the name of sanity are you doing?” questioned Viktor in a low voice.

“Obviously buying you the next plane to Moscow from Fukuoka, so you could be with him.”

The last remnant of his anger disappeared. He felt horrible to have doubted Minako who had always been there for Yuuri, even before Viktor knew of Yuuri’s existence.

“The next flight to leave is at 5:30 am. If we leave in the next 30 minutes, we can make it. Go pack your bags. I will deal with them. Also, call your coach.”

Viktor ran upstairs and forcefully opened his door. His phone on speaker, he called Yakov who did not answer. He then called Yuri and Mila multiple times on one of them answered.

In a fast pace conversation, he asked for the latest news concerning Yuuri and told them that he was coming back to Moscow. Yuri was strangely quiet on the other side of the line, so Mila took control of the conversation.

In less than fifteen minutes, Viktor was sitting down in Minako’s car waiting to leave. He did not know what she had told Hiroko and Toshiya, but they did not seem phased by their hasty departure.

They drove in complete silence on the dark road near the ocean. Viktor was looking out his window lost in thought. The dark stormy ocean was reflecting perfectly his thoughts and his anxiety.

They arrived in Fukuoka around 3 am, not stopping at all except to grab a bunch of onigiri and two large coffees. Minako’s driving was quite similar to her personality and Viktor was happy to have arrived at the in the airport in one piece. Minako dangerously parked the car in front of the international terminal.

“Enter here. Turn left and find the JAL electronic counter. The JAL employees most likely do not speak English at his time of the day. You should arrive in Moscow around 6 pm tomorrow evening. Call me when you arrive.”

Viktor nodded and started running turning around to thank Minako one last time before disappearing into the airport.

Viktor did not lose any time and check-in both himself and his luggage at the electronic counter. The Japanese airport security was effective, so he passed through security faster than ever before. In less than an hour, he was in a plane on the way back to his home country.

He took the two sleeping pills Minako had made him swear to take. After a horrible flight back to Japan not even two full days ago, he knew he had to sleep if he wanted to be there for Yuuri. The pills were exceedingly effective and Viktor fell into a dreamless world.

Viktor woke up twice during the flight. The first instance was just in time for the horrible thing the airline dared to call food. Viktor ate it as fast as possible, swearing once again that he would never that ride economy, and fell back asleep. The second time was only thirty minutes before the landing. Viktor stood up and walked around a bit to wake himself up.

When the plane finally landed, Viktor did not waste any time, not caring for the grumbles he heard from the other passengers, to exit it.

He did not expect anybody to come and pick him up but was overjoyed to see Mikhail, the only one from the team with a driver licence, standing in the arrival lobby. Trying to stay incognito, Mikhail was not wearing his national team jacket, but Viktor could see that some of the bystanders had recognized the athlete who just won the silver medal in ice dancing. They quickly walked to the car, knowing that they should not talk about Yuuri were anybody could hear them. When they were finally safely away from listening ears, Mikhail started talking.

“Yakov is waiting for you at the hotel. He is with Yuuri.”

“How is he? Did he need to go to the hospital? Is he…”

Viktor could have continued his questioning, but Mikhail interrupted Viktor to reassure him. He told the five-time gold medalist that Yuuri only had low blood pressure and now he was fine and that the entire Russian team was looking over him. Viktor sighed in relief. They ride the rest on the way chatting amicably. While they were extremely different from each other, the years they spent at the same rink suffering from Yakov’s training had brought them close, nearly brothers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, before anybody comments on Viktor's flight... yes I took some artistic liberty here because reality did not agree with what I had in mind, so it is not because of a lack of research here.
> 
> Viktor's arrival at the Fukuoka airport is heavily based on the time I nearly missed my flight to Seoul because I had to argue with a JAL lady who did not speak English until giving up and going to the electronic counter and checking-in by myself.


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!
> 
> I am not dead! I had the most horrible writer's block and had no idea how I wanted to continue this part of the story. I hope this chapter is going to meet your expectations.
> 
> I am going to try to write another chapter soon, but I am leaving on a 6-week road trip with my best friend on Tuesday, so I cannot make any promise. I am bringing my computer, so maybe... but no guarantee.
> 
> Thank you for your support and see you soon!

Yuuri was sitting in Yakov’s office and could not bring himself to look into the Russian coach’s eyes. As a crazy Nikiforov fanboy, he had known that the Russian national team had a second rink in Moscow, but until Yakov had pulled him into an office for which he had a key, he had not realised that the rink where he was practicing during the competition had been where Viktor had practiced as a child.

Yakov was sorting papers on his desk while talking on the phone in Russian. Yuuri could hear his name said multiple times, but he could not bring himself to look up. While Viktor swore that Yakov was a softy at heart, Yuuri had some doubt for his boyfriend’s sanity and self-preservation skills when Yakov was concerned.

The door of the office suddenly slammed opened and Viktor entered still dressed in his travelling clothes. He hugged Yuuri as soon as he dropped his luggage on the ground. Yuuri put his face in Viktor’s neck trying to gain some comfort and confidence. Yuuri deeply breathed in his boyfriend’s scent. Even though it was nearly covered by the disgusting odour of airport and plane, Yuuri could still smell Viktor’s soothing perfume. The tension that he did not realised existed in his shoulder disappeared. Viktor was back next to him and everything was going to be all right.

Viktor’s embrace was strong and for a moment he feared that it was too hard, but when the Japanese man nearly melted in his embrace, Viktor realised that Yuuri had needed this as much as he had.

The sound of Yakov hanging the phone sharply put an end to the reunion. They separated, but Viktor kept an arm around Yuuri’s shoulder, not ready yet to lose all form of contact after what had happened.

“Katsuki. I have arranged for your visa to be extended until the GFP. You will stay in Russia to practice until we all leave for Barcelona. You will practice with us at the St-Petersburg rink with Vitya as your coach on a daily basis, but I will become your head coach. I have arranged to a therapist who specializes in eating disorder to come at the rink every day. She speaks English so don't worry about that. Also, all of your meals are going to be taken care for by the rink nutritionist. Don't look at me like that. I do not pity you. All of my skaters’ meals are made by the rink nutritionist.”

Yuuri looked up toward Viktor who nodded in confirmation.

“How did you think I survived that long? You saw that I cannot even boil water without nearly burning a kitchen,” Viktor said with his heart-shaped smile on his face.

“But Yakov what do you mean by becoming Yuuri’s head coach. I am Yuuri’s coach. Didn't I prove that I could take care of him?”

“Vitya. I have to admit you have done a better job than I would have expected, but you need to learn when to ask for help. You know… asking for help is not a defeat. It is actually a strength.”

.o0o.

Training with the Russian team back in St-Petersburg was more intense than what Yuuri had imagined. The time he had spent with them in Moscow had only been a warm up. The rink was easily three times bigger than the one in Detroit, which had already been at least twice the size of Ice Castle Hasestu. He was expected to be at the rink even before the sun was up and he was there until way after the sun had set. He had on-ice training, gym training, ballet cross training, running, flexibility training, and more he had never imagined could exist. There was also an army of specialists, whose name he could never remember, giving any services the athletes may need to survive the training such as sports massages or preparing the spa that was linked to the rink. He could see now how Yakov had brought up so many world champions.

The only times in his days when he was not physically active was for his daily meeting with the therapist. At first, he had found the meetings extremely awkward, but slowly he became more at ease in Vera’s presence.

Vera was quite young for a therapist. If Yuuri had to guess, he would have said that she was barely thirty. She was pretty with her long black hair and because she had lived in Japan during her undergrad degree and was married to a Japanese man, she understood really well Japanese culture and all of the understatements and metaphors Japanese people used to express their feelings. Vera claimed not speaking Japanese really well, but often when Yuuri code switched without realising, she did not bother to ask him to change back and she seemed to understand perfectly.

Getting used to the nutritionist meal plan had been hard for Yuuri. Not only the food was foreign and sometimes quite strange, but also getting used to being completely removed from the planning of such as important part of his life had been hard. He had tried to talk about it to Viktor, but this had been his boyfriend’s life since he was a child, so Viktor had trouble understanding Yuuri’s discomfort.

Even thought the way Yakov’s rink was managed was extremely different from any other rink where Yuuri had trained before, it did not take too long for Yuuri to become used to his new routine. Part of himself thought that it was because he did not have time to think or freak out, but he knew that it was also because of Viktor’s constant comforting presence and because of the way all the skaters from the Russian national team went out of their way to make Yuuri feel welcome.

Days passed and then weeks and before long, it was the time to pack their bags to go to Barcelona. Unlike when Viktor was in charge and with Yakov actually showing up at everyone's door, they arrived at the airport with more than three hours to spare. As much as the Russian national team seems to strive by making Yakov go crazy, their antics are as always tamed when they were in public. They went through custom without any issues. Yuuri had feared that even thought Yakov had told him that he had taken care of arranging his visa, something bad would happen. However, the customs officer had barely said a word to him.

The exit of the Barcelona El-Prat airport was, as always, filled with fans of the Russian national team, but this time Yuuri knew he could not escape. The flashes burned into his eyes and questions were flying from all around him. He forced a smile on his faces and tried to ignore all of them. Viktor was enjoying the presence of the press and of his fans and that way was dragging their attention from Yuuri. He did not know if Viktor was doing it intentionally or not, but he was feeling extremely thankful for it.

When they finally arrived at the minivan Yakov had rented for their time in Barcelona, Yuuri was feeling exhausted and just wanted to go crash in his bed until the next morning. He was trying to wait until everyone had chosen which seat they wanted, but Viktor pushed him delicately into the car and Yuuri sat in a window seat with his boyfriend on the other side. When none of the real team Russia members said anything about stealing one of the best seat, Yuuri allowed himself to relax into his seat. However, it was not until Viktor put his arm around Yuuri shoulder and he let his head rested on his coach shoulder that Yuuri’s stress finally went away.

Yuuri had not expected to fall asleep in the thirty-minute car ride up to the hotel, but Viktor had only chuckled when Yuuri tried to apologize upon waking up, completely used to Yuuri’s uselessness after a plane ride. He just kindly guided Yuuri to their room for him to continue his nap while Viktor was swimming in the hotel rooftop pool.

Upon waking up, Yuuri looked through the window to see the night had already fallen. His body felt as it was made of lead and he knew that he could easily fall back asleep, but his stomach was starting to rumble. He forced himself to roll on his side to grab his phone and check if he could figure out where was his absent boyfriend. The light from the screen made him wince, but the effort needed to turn on a light seemed overwhelming.

He opened the Instagram app, glad that Viktor had not yet password locked all of the SNS apps, and saw that Viktor and Christophe were having fun doing silly poses at the pool. He smiled at his boyfriend’s fun and started considering going up to meet them. A part of him wanted to join them and have fun, but another part fear that his presence would not be appreciated. While he was fairly certain that Viktor would have no issue with Yuuri, he was less certain about Christophe. Christophe had been his friend for a long time, but he did not share the same relationship with him than Christophe had with Viktor. He feared that his presence would spoil the atmosphere. He decided to try to fall back asleep, ignoring the sound of his stomach.

For nearly an hour, he turned and turned around in the bed, not finding sleep. Staying in the hotel room started to be boring. Once again, he felt the desire of going to the rooftop to join the two Europeans. Reasoning with his own mind that Christophe was a friend of his on top of being Viktor’s best friend, Yuuri climb out of bed and started to look in his luggage to find his swimsuit.

The black swimsuit that he had brought to Barcelona was not the one that he had bought years earlier when he was still living in Detroit with Phichit. After the decision to stay in Russia for a month longer, Yuuri had allowed Viktor to buy him clothes that were more fashionable. Viktor had paid for everything, even refusing to tell him how much anything cost and even when Yuuri could see the price tag, he had not been able to convert the rubbles in yen. Not a speedo, he had for once put his foot down on that one, the new swimsuit was close to his skin, not leaving anything to the imagination. He put it on and looked in the mirror.

While he knew that the rink nutritionist had closely monitored his weight and that he was back to a normal weight for a professional figure skater, Yuuri could still see how his skin was forming rolls of fat on the skin-tight swimsuit. Yuuri took off the swimsuit in one nearly violent movement and threw it to the other side of the room. He put on his largest sweatpants and shirt and went back to bed. He felt relieved that he had not gone and spoiled the picture the two Europeans were taking and uploading to Instagram.

He heard Viktor’s and Christophe’s voices in the hallway way before their footsteps were audible. He turned off the light and made himself look like he was just waking up. Viktor tended to feel unreasonably guilty when Yuuri was left by himself in a foreign country and Yuuri did not want Viktor to feel uncomfortable for spending time with his best friend. This GPF was the first time in a decade that Viktor was not a competitor and Yuuri knew that somewhere deep inside it would affect Viktor. The last thing Yuuri wanted was for Viktor to have remorse for his year off and regret coming to Japan to coach him.

The door opened quietly. The voices had turned to whispers when they realised that the light was turned off. Yuuri did not expect the Russian to jump on him in his cold and wet glory. He did not expect the Swiss to follow right after. He squealed when four really cold hands touched his warm skin. Viktor started laughing at Yuuri’s expression, not feeling any type of regret.

When the laughter finally stopped, Christophe stood up and left the bed. His cheeks were red and his eyes sparkling with joy.

“I should go back to my room to see if my darling is ready to go. When I left, he was on the phone and it seemed important. Do you want to go out together?”

“A double date. It might be fun,” replied Viktor. “What do you think Yuuri? You could finally meet Stéphane, the man who tamed Chris.”

Yuuri did not know how he felt meeting Christophe’s boyfriend. Viktor had told him after the Cup of China about Christophe’s boyfriend and his fight against an eating disorder, but he had always refused to talk with him. Somewhere in his mind, talking to Stéphane had been linked to accepting his problem and accepting that what he was doing to his body was bad. So, every time Viktor had planned to Skype with Christophe, Yuuri had managed to be out of the house. However, today he felt it might be a good time. Vera had advised joining a group therapy and when Yuuri had categorically refused the option, she had told him to at least expand his support group.

“Sure. Where would we go?” he answered after what seemed to be a long awkward silence.

The two men brightly smiled at him, knowing how big of a step that was for Yuuri. Viktor gave him a side hug and smile even more when Yuuri just snuggled closer to him.

“Let’s meet in the lobby in thirty minutes. Are you going to actually contact Yakov to tell him you won't follow your team or are you going to just skip out of the hotel and deal with his anger later?” smile Christophe before skipping out of the room, avoiding at the same time the pillow Viktor had sent to his head.

“I am proud of you. You are so strong, Yuuri,” whispered Viktor in his boyfriend’s ear before kissing him on the forehead and leaving the bed to get ready for the double date.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone. I am not dead! I am now back from my amazing road-trip (why is it done :'( I wanted it to continue). I will try to come back to the once a week rhythm I had once upon a time. I hope you will like this chapter and have a nice weekend!

When they arrived in the lobby, the other couple was not there yet. Viktor had left Yakov a voicemail to inform him of their plans for the night. He would have ‘forgotten’ about it just to see Yakov’s irate face once again, but Yuuri had threatened to not kiss him until the World Championships if he dared doing that to the man who was now also his coach.

The two men sat down on the white leather couch in the lobby to wait for the other couple. Viktor pulled out his phone to add new pictures to his Instagram. He put his arm around Yuuri shoulder and smiled when he felt his boyfriend shifting on the couch to get closer. Viktor put his phone away and grab Yuuri’s hand with his free one and with his thumb made reassuring circles.

“What if Stéphane hates me?” mumbled Yuuri, unsure if he wanted of not Viktor to hear.

“He won’t. I swear. If you feel uncomfortable, tell me and we will leave.”

“But Christophe is your best friend and I don't want to take you away from him in one of the few times in a year you can see him.”

Viktor turned slightly to face Yuuri, took his face gently in his hands and look at him in the eyes.

“You are the most important person in my life. I can see Chris another time. If you want to leave, promise me that you will tell me.”

Not five minutes after they chose a signal that Yuuri would make if he felt he needed to leave, Chris and Stéphane arrived into the lobby. They both looked amazing with their stylish looks. They were both wearing dark trousers. Chris was wear a dark red dress shirt with two buttons untied and The man who Yuuri guessed was Stéphane was wearing a pale rose dress shirt with a scarf that complimented his boyfriend’s shirt. They were both holding their coats on their arms like their wear going to a photo-shoot instead of going in the cold December weather. Yuuri looked at how he was dressed and belatedly wished he had agreed to Viktor incessant request to go shopping.

Even before Christophe could an inappropriate comment on either Viktor or Yuuri, the fashionable blond man stepped forward in front of Yuuri.

“Hi! You most be Yuuri! I am Stéphane. Nice to meet you.”

Yuuri softly smiled at Stéphane enthusiasm and bowed slightly. He could see in Stéphane the same joyful energy that Phichit had and hoped they could actually become friends because he did not want Viktor to have to choose between Chris and his boyfriend and him, especially because he was not sure of whom Viktor would actually choose.

“Let’s leave the two idiots to their own things,” said the Frenchman before grabbing Yuuri’s hand and walking few metres in front of their respective boyfriends who protested being called idiots.

Yuuri was not sure if he was ready to leave Viktor’s protective bubble, but Stéphane did not seem to give him a choice.

They started walking toward what Yuuri guessed was the restaurant, his hand still firmly in Stéphane’s grasp. The warmth around his fingers was not as uncomfortable as Yuuri would have expected. He knew he should make small talk with the blond, but the words were stuck in his throat. If would have been horribly awkward, but Stéphane was happily making all the conversation with Yuuri only needing to nod every once in a while. 

A metre behind them, Chris and Viktor were cheerfully arguing and more than once Viktor had tried to shove Christophe off the sidewalk half-heartedly, not forgetting the competition taking place the next day.

When they entered the restaurant, a delicious mouth-watering smell coming from the kitchen wrapped around Yuuri. It felt so warm and happy, similar to how the smell of katsudon felt. It was spicy, but sweet with a slightly fishy undertone and something Yuuri did not know. He must have made a strange face because Viktor’s arm suddenly surrounded him and Yuuri could feel Viktor’s smile in his neck.

“Hey, beautiful, to what do I owe this lovely smile.”

“Stop it Viktor, you’re too much,” said Yuuri laugh in his voice, trying unsuccessfully to get his boyfriend off his shoulders and Viktor remaining unmoving until Yuuri gave him a kiss on the cheek.

Christophe smiled at the sight of his crazy friend being able to be his over-the-top shelf with Yuuri and not trying to put a mask to be loved like he had done so often since becoming a public figure.

The hostess welcomed them in a few minutes later, apologizing for the delay while guiding them to their table and handing them menus. Yuuri did not know how to act, the three others had clearly a history with inside jokes and fond memories and while Yuuri had known Christophe for years and was dating Viktor for weeks, he felt unable to join in. He knew from the looks he caught being thrown at him when they thought he would not catch them, that the others were worried that Yuuri was not having fun. 

His menu was thankfully translated into English, so Yuuri hid his discomfort between its pages. Everything looked tasty and for the first time quite a while, Yuuri looked forward to eating. The only issue would be ordering. Unlike in Russia were he could without any problem hid behind the fact that he did not speak Russian to avoid talking to strangers, to Yuuri’s knowledge nobody here spoke Spanish, so there was no easy way out.

A small thud on his left told him that Stéphane had chosen what to eat. He buried his nose deeper in the menu trying to figure out how to pronounce the name of the meal he had chosen. He heard Stéphane whisper something in what he assumed to be French to Christophe. He looked at Viktor with a confused look wondering if the use of French was for simplicity or to ensure that he could not understand. However, it was not Viktor who caught the look, but Stéphane.

“My English is no good. I learn for long time, but I have bad confidence in me. I do not like speaking to people I do not know. Chris always order food for me. It’s more easy”

Just knowing that Stéphane struggle with speaking with others the same way he did put Yuuri at ease way more that anything else could. He looked at Viktor, who had caught on what was happening in Yuuri mind, and pointed to what he wished to eat in the menu. Viktor’s nod took a big weight off Yuuri’s shoulders and he felt himself relax slightly in his chair. While he still was not sure how to act with the other couple present, he started to feel that the evening could not end in an assured disaster. When the waiter arrived to take they orders, Viktor and Chris performed their duty without problems and if the waiter thought it was weird that only two people were talking, he did not show it.

The meals arrived shortly after. All the food was so colourful and everything smelled appetizing. The mix of spices mingled with the smell of the seafood and of the roasting beef creating a symphony of aromas. Yuuri took the first bite of his meal and the fragrances transformed into flavours. His taste buds did not know where to focus. It was so different from what he was used to. 

Suddenly he felt a foot touching his leg, slowly going up and down, caressing higher and higher every time. He turned to Viktor to scold him for trying to do some PDA in front of this other couple but stopped in his tracks and he saw that Viktor was clearly engrossed in his conversation with Stéphane. Yuuri tried to subtly move his leg to the left hoping that the person, not being Viktor, trying to play footsie would understand that his got the wrong person. When the foot reappeared, Yuuri looked up and saw Christophe smirking at him. Yuuri glared at him trying to be inconspicuous, but the only result was the growth of Christophe’s smirk.

“Chris,” whispered Yuuri menacingly, but did not manage to be quiet enough.

The conversation on the other side of the table stopped and the two pale hair men looked up at their dates with puzzled eyes. Yuuri turned red. Stéphane’s eyes turned from confused to a fondly exasperated understanding without a word that Chris was doing something to embarrass Yuuri.

“What did you do?”

“What? Me? Nothing” swore Chris with a look of pure innocence that could have convinced anyone who did not spend more than five minutes with the Swiss skater.

“Yes, you idiot,” sighed Stéphane with loving exasperation.

“I was just trying to play footsie with Yuuri and he sadly did not reciprocate.”

The two other Europeans seemed to decide at the same time that Christophe’s comment did not deserve an oral response as they both gently slapped him behind the head. The synchronisation of the action told Yuuri that it happened quite often and suddenly a laughter that Yuuri could not control exploded in him. 

He put a hand on his mouth to try to control the giggles, but it did not work. Yuuri’s chuckles were apparently contagious because the entire table started laughing. The uncontrollable laughter continued for nearly two minutes until everyone was completely out of breath.

The awkwardness Yuuri had felt since even before meeting the two other men in the lobby of the hotel disappeared with the last remnant of uncontrollable giggling. Eyes sparkling with happiness, Yuuri looked at his boyfriend thanking him for forcing him out of his room and finally meeting Stéphane.

At the end of the meal, it was decided that they would go shopping in the Christmas market nearby after the three Europeans tried, without success to go shopping for more stylish clothes for Yuuri. As a humble man from a modest family, Yuuri did not see the importance of spending lots of money on clothes, especially when he was already saving for something round, gold and horribly expensive.


End file.
